Explore Holy Taco
no photo

Hayden Panettiere And Her Camel Toe

Hayden Panettiere may want to get some slightly larger sweat pants because these seem to be bunching up in the upper thigh/lower vagina section. I'm not a big fan of camel toes. They look like some girl stuffed too much melted cheese and orange rinds in her pants. And at the end of the day, I'd rather she just stuck to stuffing her bra. Courtesy of egotastic.com

By:|March 27, 2008


no photo

Link Time

The sexiest women in video games (Aslyum) Blond office babe just doesn't get it (hornyoyster) Kelly Brook is attractive (cameltap) Hayden Panettiere has toe of the camel (coedmagazine) Grand Theft Auto 4 trailer (double viking) Upside down treadmill video (college humor) When kiss cam goes wrong (tastybooze) 10 hottest NBA dance teams (all balls)

By:|March 27, 2008


no photo

Carnie Wilson Did NOT Gain 79lbs!

In this history of great defenses, there's Clarence Darrow's defense of evolution in the Scopes-monkey trial, Thomas Jefferson's defense of liberty in the declaration of independence and now, another great defense has emerged; Carnie Wilson's defense of her weight gain on Good Morning America.  Behold PURE GENIUS: Carnie Wilson is slamming the National Enquirer for claiming that she has gained 79 pounds "If I'm 205 today, that means I am up 70 pounds," she revealed in a candid interview about her weight battle on Good Morning America Thursday. 79 pounds, she said, "is an outright lie. That's right you f-ing bastards!  How DARE you say she's gained 79 pounds when CLEARLY she's gained 70!  Liars!  The press are all liars!  It's simple fact checking.  I mean, open your eyes people!  Here's Carney at her weight now, a gain of 70 pounds! Now look when I use the computer simulation to show what a  79 pound weight gain would be. See!  Obviously different!  I have no tolerance for lazy journalism.

By:|March 27, 2008


no photo

Spitzer Has Second Prostitute

Eliot Spitzer can not be satisfied by just one prostitute.  No no friends, as Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock would say "It takes two to make a thing go right."  Nypost.com reports: Disgraced former Gov. Eliot Spitzer has been identified as a long-standing client of a second high-priced call-girl ring, The Post has learned. The ex-governor regularly patronized Wicked Models, the Manhattan-based operation taken down Tuesday, according to financial documents and other evidence unearthed in a yearlong prostitution investigation, law-enforcement sources said. Man, he must have really pissed off someone.  They're like "No, screw him, let's find all his prostitutes and reveal them right as the furor from the first prostitute starts to die down." So who is this new girl?  That's her pictured above. At the center of the new ring is Kristin "Billie" Davis, a busty bottle blonde who hails from a rough-and-tumble California trailer park. She has a reputation for hard-partying, shameless self-promotion and a rumored 10,000-name-long client list. Shameless self promotion?  How else are you supposed to be a successful hooker?  My parents have always said, "If you become a hooker and you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either."  As for the 10,000, yes that's impressive.  I feel I can confidently call her the Brett Favre of prostitution.

By:|March 27, 2008


no photo

Greatest Nut Shots Compilation

Most Awesome Nutshots - Watch more free videos I think it was William Shakespeare who said "Humor, is tragedy plus time, plus stuff hitting people in the nuts." Who am I to argue with the greatest writer in the history of literature. Enjoy.

By:|March 27, 2008


no photo

“Bigfoot Molested Me” Not Best Courtroom Defense

Bigfoot Molested Me - Watch more free videos Gene Morrill was convicted of 20 counts of sex crimes involving minors. At his sentencing he decided to tell the court that the reason he molested all those kids was because Bigfoot (the mythical missing link, not the kickass monster truck) had molested him when he was younger. This all makes sense, except for one small, minor detail: even if Bigfoot molested him, it doesn't give him the right to molest other kids. I mean, if you're not worried about using "real" things in your lie, shouldn't you make up an excuse that might actually get you off? Why not tell the court "It couldn't have been me because I was in 14th Century Prussia on the day in question." or "I am allergic to eight-year-old penis, your honor." I'm not even going to get into how awesomely serious the reporter takes this story. (She actually says, "There has never been a report of physical contact between a Bigfoot and a person." after talking to The Bigfoot Field Research Organization.) That's a nice little bonus to this video.

By:|March 26, 2008


no photo

Jolie-Pitt Baby Pics Worth 10 Million?

If I had 10 million dollars, there's a lot of things I would buy; a monkey, a house, a house for the monkey, a mint chocolate chip ice cream factory. But I definitely wouldn't spend any of my ten million on f-ing baby pictures. Nypost.com reports: The celebrity baby photo market just keeps getting crazier, and the newest estimate is that the Jolie-Pitts could fetch up to $10 million for the first photos of their new twins. 10 Million Dollars for baby pictures?! For that much, not only should they give you the baby itself, but the baby should already be trained to do shit like fix cars and get rid of telemarketers. You know what, screw that, for 10 million, I'll have scientists make me a super baby from celebrity DNA. Here's what it would look like:

By:|March 26, 2008


no photo

Creepy Or Sexy? Kirsten Dunst

I gotta be honest, I never even considered Kirsten Dunst worthy of a Creepy Or Sexy.  I just thought she was creepy.  But a reader sent me this picture and I thought she was kind of sexy in it.  Of course, I had just finished watching an episode of The Golden Girls, so it's possible she could have sent me a picture of Tony Siragusa and I would have found it sexy. Thinking about it, I like this pick because she's very polarizing.  Some people find her snaggle tooth endearing and cute, others find it to be very snaggle tooth-y and gross.  You make the call.  Is she creepy...or sexy? Thanks to Amanda S. for sending this in.

By:|March 26, 2008


no photo

This Is What Homer Simpson Really Looks Like

I can't stop staring at this photo of an "untooned" Homer Simpson. I'd like to thank the weirdo computer robot nerd genius that made this. You've somehow managed to horrify me and turn me on at the same time. I think I have a new fetish. From pixeloo.blogspot.com

By:|March 26, 2008


no photo

Taco Belle: Brooke Burke

Age: 36 Where you've seen her: She's been in Maxim and Stuff (RIP) about 50 times, but no one's complaining. She also hosted Wild On! which was a show that was smart enough to put her in a bikini 80% of the time she was on camera. Tantalizing tidbit: Brooke named her third child "Heaven Rain," which is basically like naming your child "Stripper."

By:|March 26, 2008


no photo

Link Time

Wear your head on your sleeve (asylum) Keeley Hazell topless (hornyoyster) Krystal Forscutt photo shoot (cameltap) Pussycat dolls sued for indecency (coedmagazine) Hot or Not: Marisa Tomei (double viking) Hillary wasn't lying (college humor) The most sweartastic movies of all time (just a guy thing) Rugby players bitch slap drunk airline passenger (tastybooze) 5 sex positions that could get you arrested (bachelorguy) 10 funniest videos of dogs humping people (unibrow)

By:|March 26, 2008


no photo

Jamie Lynn Spears Engaged

If you're scoring at home on your white trash checklist for Jamie Lynn Spears, go ahead and cross off "getting engaged at 16." Usmagazine.com reports: Jamie Lynn Spears and boyfriend Casey Aldridge out and about in Kentwood, Louisiana on February 10, 2008. INFphoto.comPregnant 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears and boyfriend Casey Aldridge are engaged, his cousin, Tina Robinson, confirms to Usmagazine.com. "He proposed a few days ago, and she accepted," Robinson tells Us. I wonder if Spears family has a weekly meeting where the mom stands in front of a white board and the following occurs: MOM SPEARS: Okay, what are we doing this week to make us more white trash? BRITNEY: Well, I was thinking of leaving my house wearing a see-through top and no bra and just walking aimlessly down the street. MOM SPEARS: Good, good. Jamie Lynn? JAMIE LYNN: (Thinking) Slaughter a pig in the middle of the promenade mall? MOM SPEARS: Hmmm, no, we don't want them PETA folk on us. DAD SPEARS: How about she announces she's gettin' engaged even though she's only 16, and then I'll announce I'm gonna buy her a car with my Marlboro points. MOM SPEARS: I like it. Cept you already used your Marlboro points on that kayak we used for firewood. Anyway, here's a photoshop rendering of what Jamie Lynn will look like in three years. Check it after the jump:

By:|March 26, 2008


no photo

Give-A-Wednesday: Win An LA Dodgers DVD Set

Write a caption for the poor sap who got his jaw taken out to the ballgame and you can win a Los Angeles Dodgers 1988 World Series DVD Collection from A&E.com. You can relive the glory that was Orel Hershiser's scoreless innings streak, Gibson's home run and Tommy Lasorda's enormous gut. As usual, leave your captions in the comments section. Winners will be contacted via HolyTaco. Photo courtesy of Ron Jenkins/Fort Worth Star Telegram See last week's winners after the jump.

By:|March 25, 2008


no photo

Robin Williams Gets Divorced

You know how when you see Robin Williams on a talk show it's like he was fired out of a cannon while snorting a thousand pounds of cocaine, then after the interview's over you have to turn your TV off because even hearing a sound might cause your head to explode? Well, imagine listening to 19 straight years of that. This woman is a saint. People.com reports: Robin Williams's wife has filed for divorce after 19 years, the San Francisco Chronicle is reporting. Marsha Garces Williams filed a divorce petition in San Francisco on March 21, citing irreconcilable differences. I have a copy of the divorce papers. Let's take a look:

By:|March 25, 2008


no photo

Don’t Ask Chelsea Clinton About Her Dad’s Penis

Chelsea Clinton was asked how the Lewinsky scandal has affected her mom's run for the presidency. Chelsea brushed the question off, but am I the only one who finds it amusing that this question was asked at Butler University? Is there any more appropriately named school to ask questions about someone who crammed a cigar up an intern's whoo-haa, lit it and said, "That tastes good." Good thing you asked. To keep with the theme, here's five other schools I hope Chelsea visits on her tour of universities: 5. Tufts 4. Mount St. Mary's 3. Morehead State 2. Beaver State 1. Coppin (a feel) State

By:|March 25, 2008


no photo

Free Dr. Pepper If Axl Gets Off His Ass

Apparently the executives at Dr. Pepper are big fans of pasty white rockers with a penchant for mid-life dreadlocks and seven-minute over-the-top rock ballads. In an effort to get W. Axl Rose to release the long awaited Chinese Democracy, they are offering everyone in America--except estranged guitarists Slash and Buckethead--a free can of Dr. Pepper if it comes out anytime in 2008. But to be fair, it's very difficult to drink anything while there's a bucket on your head. In a rare instance of a large corporation having a little fun, a company spokesperson said: We completely understand and empathize with Axl's quest for perfection--for something more than the perfect album. We know once it's released, people will refer to it as "Dr. Pepper for the ears." So what's it gonna be, Axl? Am I gonna get my free Dr. Pepper or do I need to show a little "Patience"? Get it? Jesus, that joke was worse than "The Spaghetti Incident?" (All you GNR officianados will notice my correct inclusion of the question mark at the end of the title of "The Spaghetti Incident?") Learn more at: chinesedemocracywhen.blogspot.com

By:|March 25, 2008


no photo

Link It Up, Chris (I’m About To)

Take a Spring Break Quiz (Asylum) Krystal Forscutt is, how you say, attractive (Horny Oyster) Heidi Klum looks good in body paint (CamelTap) Vermont to reconsider the drinking age (coedmagazine) Wreck your car? Who cares, drive it anyway (Double Viking) Little, terrifying Hillary Clinton (College Humor) Which movies have the most swear words? Click here, diknose. (Just A Guy Thing) Wear this shirt the next time you're in a knife fight (Tasty Booze) The world's most elaborate sex toys (The Bachelor Guy) Watch a video of an ass (Weak Game)

By:|March 25, 2008


no photo

Jessica Alba’s BF Will Beat You (Off)

Cash Warren, Jessica Alba's boyfriend and all-around uber douche, started the site ibeatyou.com where people...um...try to beat each other at stuff like lip synching and movie quoting and...beards. (I'm serious.) On the site you can see Jessica doing a bunch of stupid crap like showing off a thumb trick or...naming the best magazine. (I'm not joking.) The above video is the Cash man himself trying to win the Tongue Twister competition by saying "Toy Boat" 20 times in a row. The worst part about all this is that this friggin' tool is dating Jessica Alba. He not only looks like a melvin, but the self-righteous smugness he uses to deliver the last "Toy boat!" proves that he is the big bag of douche you always knew he was. I mean, he's not even good at it, yet he gives off that "I nailed it!" vibe that you usually only see in high school jocks and wealthy, white prep-school kids. I will give Cash all of my cash to go away forever. (I hope $37 is enough.)

By:|March 25, 2008


no photo

Make Movies All Day

If everyone had one of these flip cameras, we wouldn't see so many sex tapes with shitty quality.  Uncrate.com has a nice little write up on them: The Flip holds 60 minutes of VGA-quality (640 x 480) video on 2GB of built-in memory and produces surprisingly good video and audio quality. A flip-out USB arm makes transferring video to your computer easy, and included software makes it simple to edit video and upload to YouTube and AOL Video. See, the next time you're at the zoo and you see a rhinoceros piss a fire hose-like stream that knocks over a tour group of elderly people, not only can you capture it on video, but you can upload it to the internet within mere seconds.  Then if there's time, you can see if they're okay, but zoos fill up fast, so I recommend getting your ass to the Panda cage quickly otherwise you'll miss out on watching those love-able creatures sleep.

By:|March 24, 2008


no photo

Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Hamlet

I have great respect for those who can pull off a great mash up video. This is one of the better I've seen. The only thing disappointing about this is that it's not a real movie. I would pay 100 dollars to see this and that's pretty much what I make in a week. I knew this wasn't real about half way through because if it was real, I would have heard a news story about how William Shakespeare arose from his grave and murdered every studio executive on the Universal Lot.

By:|March 24, 2008


FRIENDS OF THE TACO