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Marion Cotillard Did A Nude Scene

Marion Cotillard, the girl who won the Oscar for her portrayal of that person you've never heard of in that movie you didn't see, apparently did a nude scene in a 2001 movie you also didn't see. To stop all this "not seeing" that's going on, click on the image or watch it here. Also, this performance may sway your vote in our "Who Would You Rather Do" poll on the right. Cast your votes accordingly.

By:|February 25, 2008


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Jason Bourne Is Back!

Apparently there are people out there who haven't had their asses kicked, because Jason Bourne is back. Popsugar.com reports: Matt Damon and director Paul Greengrass are both lined up for a fourth installment of the Bourne franchise. Wait, wasn't the last one called "The Bourne Ultimatum?" Why won't they leave Jason Bourne alone?! He gave them a f-ing Ultimatum! When my girlfriend said to me "I'm giving you an ultimatum; either stop masturbating next to me in bed while I sleep, or I'm breaking up with you," I listened! I didn't try to do it one more time even though an episode of Saved By The Bell silently played on our TV! I refuse to believe people are going to continue to screw with Jason Bourne. Movie studios are losing credibility with me. Anyway, I got a hold of the poster for this new one where they try to address that.

By:|February 25, 2008


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Brooke Hogan’s Boobs Go Straight Up

When you've been followed around by paparazzi and have been in a few tabloids, you might think that you wouldn't do some things that make you look a little stupid when you're wearing nothing but a bikini on a public beach. Brooke Hogan apparently doesn't feel that way. That's why she decided to jump up and down 50 times to a few cameras could catch her ta-tas in fully flying form. Maybe she's trying to emulate the Hulkster's rhythmic celebratory post-match pectoral dancing. Or maybe she's just stupid. Take a look at the pics below. Special thanks to reader Marcus L. for the last one. Enjoy Hulk's famous "Dookie" scene after the jump.

By:|February 25, 2008


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Science Fair Photos Are Hilarious, Informative

Photobasement.com put together a list of 41 amazing Science Fair experiments and their creators. And I think we can all learn a little from each and every one of these. Did you know that garlic was the silent killer? Are you wondering if crystal meth is a friend...or a foe? I'd like to thank these pimpled, awkward geeks for enlightening us to all these pressing scientific questions and I'd like to thank my parents for never ever taking my photo in front of any of my science fairs. (I only included the guy for his sweater.)

By:|February 25, 2008


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Taco Belle: Jemimah Goosen

Um, I'm going to be honest and say that the only thing I know about Jemimah Goosen is that she was in some Cosmo lingerie competition. I don't think she won, but I'm not going to hold that against her. But I can think of something else I might hold against her. (Hint: It rhymes with "my penis.")                     

By:|February 25, 2008


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Creepy Or Sexy: Anne Hathaway

Let's introduce some evidence.  The picture above is from the Oscars, last night.  I can't say for certain, but I think I can actually see through her skin to the people behind her.  I feel like even people in Ireland would be grossed out by how pale she was.  But then sometimes I see her and think she's really hot.  I'm so confused.  I feel like I did after I walked out of No Country For Old Men, except I'm not being bombarded by a group of hipsters telling me "You just don't get it."

By:|February 24, 2008


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The 1st Annual Holy TacOscars!

Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the 1st Holy Tacoscars. We don't have a host, but if we did, it'd be these guys: Now, on to the awards: BEST PICTURE....TO LOOK AT WHEN I WANT TO HOLD OFF AN ORGASM: Elton John, Harrison Ford, Calista Flockhart I'm not sure if this is a photo, or a drawing the three of them got at Six Flags Magic Mountain. Is that Calista Flockhart or that weird thing that rides the tricycle in the Saw movies? BEST VAGINA IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Sarah Larson I have no idea who this girl is and I don't care. I'm not even going to look it up. What I do know is, Clooney may have lost Best Actor to Daniel Day Lewis, but I'm pretty sure he didn't give a shit because he was holding his own awards later. Sources tell me the award for Best Penis Inside Sarah Larson went to Clooney and he gave an 8 hour acceptance speech which consisted of banging the crap out of her and ocassionally thanking his mom and Harvey Weinstein.

By:|February 24, 2008


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What The Hell Happened In January?

Google Trends is a program that keeps track of how often people put certain key words into Google. You can go to Google.com/trends, type in a couple key words and you can see how one relates to another, in terms of popularity. In the graph above, you can observe that the blue line, which represents the amount of times Google users have searched for "ass to mouth," has enjoyed a steady and consistent search history. The red line, on the other hand, which represents "anal fisting," saw a spectacular spike in January of 2006 and has continued to be quite a popular search term. (This isn't a photoshopped graph. See it here.) I'm not sure what caused this upswing, but I'm glad to know that anal fisting is finally enjoying the popularity it richly deserves.

By:|February 24, 2008


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Gary Busey Is The Weirdest Weirdo

In the world of celebrities, Gary Busey is up there with Pottsy from Happy Days and Huckleberry Hound. Which makes me wonder how he got a ticket to the Oscars. Either way, he made the most of his 10 seconds by harrassing Ryan Seacrest and trying to make out with Jennifer Garner. This is a man who knows how to make a lasting impression. If there was a Best Supporting Douchebag Oscar, he would win it.

By:|February 24, 2008


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Ted Kennedy Is A Bad Singer

Ted kennedy Sings In Spanish - Watch more free videos Ted Kennedy was in Laredo, Texas, campaigning for Barack Obama. He's trying to win the latino vote, but with lyrics like these, I don't think he's winning many fans.

By:|February 23, 2008


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World’s Biggest Dork?

Biggest dork ever - Watch more free videos If you think you have trouble getting laid, you won't after watching this guy. My favorite part of this is when he references Japanese anime, then tells his prospective date that it's okay if they don't know about it, because if they date him, they'll learn plenty. If you listen closely, right after he says that you can hear the sound of millions of vaginas simultaneously clamping shut.

By:|February 22, 2008


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By:|February 22, 2008


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By:|February 22, 2008


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Friday Link Dump

-- I wonder if this drunk guy realized he was in a train tunnel or if he just thought, "Man, what the hell do I pay taxes for if they're not gonna fix these bumpy ass roads? -- This is by far the weirdest/most awesome earthquake drill I've ever seen. -- Shit like this only happens at college, and it only happens when drunk over-privileged white kids are involved. -- I've seen a lot of side-boob in my day, but I have to say, this is top 10. Come to think of it, I've seen more side boob than real boob. Now I'm depressed. -- I love that they decided this video wasn't gay enough, so they laid some Kenny G music over it. -- When we were researching pics for the history of boobs video, we came across this. NSFW. Who ever thought Bea Arthur was worthy of this, let me just tell them, "I hate you." -- This is the fourth time this week I've said the phrase "What the fuck is wrong with Elijah Wood?"

By:|February 22, 2008


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62% Disagree with Brad Pitt – It’s Aniston Time

In a huge upset, at least according to the predictions of me and the janitor who works here, 61% of you would rather do Brad Pitt's ex, even though Brad Pitt's current looks like the kind of girl you have to worry may rock your world so hard that your penis becomes detached from your body. Here are real reactions from ACTUAL readers. Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment. I'm leading off with my favorite comment. I have no idea what this means, but I enjoyed it none-the-less. Lord^afk - Über die Angie Jolie sind schon so komische Typen drüber gerutscht, das geht echt gar nicht mehr ZigZag - Been lusting after Jennifer for years, ever since she was in Leprechaun. I'd kiss her pee thing right now if I could. GetReal - How can Jennifer Aniston be winning right now?!! The poll is titled "who would you rather DO not "who would you rather date for three years and have long conversations and romantic walks on the beach and bring home to mom and share holidays with OK? angelina screwed billy bob in a limo, carries vials of blood around her neck and nailed brad pitt in between takes of mr. and mrs. smith, while aniston dated vince vaughn .what's wrong with you people?

By:|February 21, 2008


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Johnny Knoxville Tore His Urethra

The thought of tearing my urethra kind of makes me want to die. So I'm going to let Johnny take this one: Johnny Knoxville is looking forward to regaining his "manly functions". The prankster, who nearly lost his testicles when a stunt for MTV show 'Jackass' went wrong, is hoping to soon return to his normal life after having an operation to mend his torn urethra. He said: "I just walked out of surgery about 10 minutes ago. I'm still a little groggy from the anaesthesia. "I was trying to back flip a motorcycle. The bike goes up about 15 or 20 ft in the air and comes back down and breaks its handlebar off in between my legs. I was laying there spread-eagled. They've never seen handlebars break off before-much less between someone's legs! "I just got the catheter out, after wearing it for two weeks, and the doctor said I can resume normal functions immediately - like, my manly functions." When you have millions of dollars, maybe it's time to call it a day on the ol' urethra-tearing tricks for TV.

By:|February 21, 2008


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Aaron Carter Is A Common Pot Head

Being a celebrity is a stressful life. Sometimes you turn to drugs to cope with the pressure and constant attention. But Aaron Carter is not a celebrity, so I don't know what his excuse is. People.com reports: Pop singer Aaron Carter was arrested for marijuana possession Thursday after he was pulled over for speeding in Texas, authorities said. Carter, 20, the younger brother of Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys, was in jail in Junction, Texas. Take a look at Aaron Carter. Look at him. Now imagine him in jail. My asshole hurts just thinking about that. I can just see him getting off the bus and walking in to the jail grounds and everyone's screaming NEW FISH! NEW FISH! NEW FISH! Then Morgan Freeman's voice over starts. "The first time I laid eyes on Aaron Carter, I thought he was a bitch. And I was right because he spent all night crying like one. I won three packs of smokes." Anyway, my favorite part of this story is that Aaron Carter is referred to as "brother of Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys." That means People Magazine thinks Aaron Carter is so talentless and unpopular that, in order for the reader to get context as to who he is, they have to make reference to his brother who was in a band 6 YEARS AGO that even when it was popular, made me want to cut off my penis and shove it in my ear. If I'm Aaron Carter, there's no amount of pot smoking that can make that pain go away.

By:|February 21, 2008


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It Takes 100 Gallons of Beer To Toast Harry Caray

Cub fan and raging alcoholic Harry Caray was known to enjoy himself an ice cold beer or 20 from time to time. So, to honor his crippling addiction, his restaurant toasted him last night with a record breaking 100 gallon glass of beer.  The 4 foot tall hexagonal glass with a handle and spigot (for serving) will weigh 1,000 pounds when full. When Harry's widow Dutchie Caray heard about the record breaking beer, she laughed saying "100 gallons? Is that all? Harry would have considered that an after dinner drink." Harry estimated that he consumed over 73,000 Budweiser's and 300,000 alcoholic beverages throughout his lifetime. Holy shit! 73,000 Budweisers? That would mean Harry would've had a 12-pack a night for 16 and a half years straight. And 300,000 drinks? I'm not even going to do the math on that one. Harry, you are a true American. I salute you and your insatiable thirst for alcohol.

By:|February 21, 2008


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Violinist Falls, Smashes Million Dollar Violin

As far as I'm concerned, watching someone fall down is probably one of the funniest things in the world. To see the look of shame on someone's face after they've just tumbled down a flight of stairs is something that can really brighten my day. That's why I was pretty excited to read this story about a violinist who fell down and smashed a million dollar Stradivarius: Virtuoso musician David Garrett smashed a $1 million (£540,000) violin when he fell over after a concert in London over Christmas, he has revealed. "I fell down a flight of stairs and landed on my violin case," he told the BBC. "When I opened it up, it was a total mess." "I left the concert after the first half because my family was there and we wanted to grab dinner," he said. "The stairs were very slippery and I still had my concert shoes on. I had my violin over my shoulder, but I slipped and landed on my violin case." If there's one thing funnier than falling down, it's watching some pompous upper crust douchebag in "concert shoes" falling down. Man, I would throw my own mom down a flight of stairs to see a video of that. (Sorry, Mom.)

By:|February 21, 2008


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Creepy or Sexy: Christina Ricci

I can't decide how I feel about Christina Ricci. On one hand she's thin, she has nice cheekbones and she's a pretty good actor. On the other, she's a dwarf who can sometimes look like a 75-year old hobbit. Tell me which side of the Ricci fence you're on. Also, see an uncensored photo of her tattoo here. Also, one time a monkey attacked her boob.                     Photos courtesy of egotastic.com

By:|February 21, 2008