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Give-A-Wednesday: Win Twisted Metal Head On: Extra Twisted Edition

Write a caption for the above photo and you can win a copy of Twisted Metal Head On: Extra Twisted Edition, the game that lets you smash up cars like Billy Joel on a bender. Winners will be notified via email from HolyTaco.com. Leave your captions in the comments section. See last week's winners after the jump.

By:|February 12, 2008


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You Forgot Valentine’s Day, Didn’t You?

OK, so you totally forgot it was Valentine's Day tomorrow and you haven't gotten him or her anything (except herpes, which he or she will "receive" in a year.) Instead of freaking out, running over to the Hallmark store and buying a crappy card and a stupid bear, go to callmecasanova.com. Choose from assorted gift options like Zales jewelry, balloons or flowers, which they will ship directly to your recipient with a pre-written love poem that won't try to rhyme the word "Nantucket." In addition, you can include all your special someone's special dates so thoughtful gifts will be automatically shot off to them on birthdays, anniversaries and hump days.

By:|February 12, 2008


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The Evolution of the Big Mac

A few months ago, Japan's McDonald's started offering something called a Mega Mac, which is a Big Mac with 4 all-beef patties instead of America's crappy little two. This new menu item prompted some guy named Takeshi Fukuda to wonder how far this new trend in Big Macs would go.

By:|February 12, 2008


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Taco Belle: Keeley Hazell

Keeley Hazell is the English version of...enormous boobs. Apparently this London photo shoot is for some new men's body spray. Which might explain why there are three googly-eyed statues standing behind her. Or it might not explain anything and leave you wondering why the hell there are three googly-eyed statues standing behind her with they're hands raised like they are going to come to life and stab her. Way to go, English people. First you screwed up the empire and now you've screwed up your own version of enormous boobs. Now I see why we started our own country.                    

By:|February 12, 2008


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Paris Hilton’s Brother Gets DUI

In an effort to become the answer to a trivial pursuit entertainment question, Paris Hilton's brother Barron Hilton (yes that's his real name, no he wasn't wearing an ascot and a smoking jacket) got a DUI last night.  People.com, please tell us more!: Barron Hilton was arrested Tuesday morning on charges of driving under the influence and carrying a fake driver's license, authorities confirm. His blood-alcohol level was .14 percent.  the California legal limit for a person over 21 is .08 percent, but for a person under 21 (he's 18), any blood-alcohol level is considered legally drunk. The DUI charge is a misdemeanor, the more serious charge is carrying a fake license, a felony.  Barron was booked at the Lost Hills Sheriff's station and held on $20,000 bail.  His Mercedes was impounded. First of all, 20,000 dollars bail for a Hilton?  He might be able to find that much in his couch.  Secondly, I actually kind of feel for the kid and I'll tell you why:  I'm just joking, I don't feel for him!  HAHAHAHA (sigh) HAHAHAH.  He's a doooooouche.  In fact, getting a DUI when you're 18 and while driving a Mercedes is the dictionary definition of douche bag.  Seriously, I'm not just saying that.  Take a look.

By:|February 11, 2008


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India Has A VERY Special Olympics

Alright, I can roll with the first few competitions I saw on here, like the pulling stuff with your teeth, and the sledge hammer on the dude's chest. Those at least have concepts I can grasp. But someone please explain to me, what the hell was going on in that event at the end, where the one guy sitting down had a rod going into his crotch being pushed on at the other end by another dude who was only using his chest? How do you score points in that event? Or is it like figure skating, where it's all about style and power? If so, is there a tough Russian judge who always gives people a 2.75? I need answers people, and I'm lazy. Someone look this up for me.

By:|February 11, 2008


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Nicholas Cage Does NOT Steal Chihuahuas

You can call Nicholas Cage a lot of things, but don't you DARE call him a Chihuahua thief or you're entering a world of pain.  People.com reports: On Friday, Nic Cage's attorney began libel proceedings against Kathleen Turner at London's High Court. Cage, 44, is suing Turner, his former Peggy Sue Got Married co-star, 53, for writing in her new autobiography: "He caused so many problems.  He was arrested twice for drunk-driving and, I think, once for stealing a dog.  He'd come across a chihuahua he liked and stuck it in his jacket." If that's true, that is amazing.  Like, what kind of perception of reality do you have to have to just see someone else's dog and be like "Yeah.  I'll take that."  Also, if he did do that, there's no way he just did that once.  Stealing chihuahua's I imagine is more addictive than heroin.  And the only reason I could see for stealing multiple chihuahuas would be this: Before I receive angry e-mails from PETA members, everybody just relax.  There's no such thing as a Chihuahua bazooka.  I know, I spent most of my teenage years trying to build one unsuccessfully.

By:|February 11, 2008


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World’s Smallest BodyBuilder Adorably Terrifying

From now on, whenever I'm sad, I'm going to pull up these photos. This may be the greatest thing I have ever seen. According to the Daily Mail: At just 2ft 9in, Indian muscleman Aditya 'Romeo' Dev is the world's smallest bodybuilder. Pint-sized Romeo is well-known in his hometown of Phagwara, India - for his ability to lift 1.5kg dumbbells - despite his overall 9kg body weight. Romeo said: "I've been training as a bodybuilder for the last two years and by now I think I must be the strongest dwarf in the world.

By:|February 11, 2008


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Mississippi To Fatties: No More Food For You

After being named "America's Fattest State" for the second year in a row, it seems like the great big tubbies in Mississippi decided to get up off their fat asses, waddle over to their local congressman and attempt to do something about their disgusting fupas. Instead of maybe, say, exercising or showing one ounce of will power, they would rather pass a law that would make it illegal for restaurants to serve them the gooey, delicious lard they so wantonly crave. According to Junk Food Blog: Some legislators in Mississippi have introduced a bill that will make it illegal for restaurants to serve fat people. HB 282 will revoke the health department license of any restaurant, fast-food or otherwise, if it serves food to anyone who meets the department's criteria as being, "obese". As the bill states... Any food establishment to which this section applies shall not be allowed to serve food to any person who is obese, based on criteria prescribed by the State Department of Health after consultation with the Mississippi Council on Obesity Prevention and Management established under Section 41-101-1 or its successor. The bill will require the State Department of Health to distribute materials to restaurants that will define what an obese person is. Now that's a seminar I would thoroughly enjoy teaching. "Listen up class. See the cottage cheese around these thighs? This is a fat person. See the rolls of cellulite hanging over the belt buckle? This is also a fat person. See this photo of Ike Turner? Well, that was a tricky one. He's not fat, he's just dead." While this will be good for Mississippi, it may mean we have fewer fat people videos. Which would be a tragedy.

By:|February 11, 2008


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Mr. Skin is Free For 12 Hours Today

MrSkin.com, the website that celebrates the naked parts of movies, is celebrating their brand spanking new redesign by giving you 2 hours of free Skin time. Go here between the hours of 12pm and 12am Central time and you can sign up for a user name and password that will give you 2 hours of free skin surfing. I'm no Nostradamus, but if you sign up for this free trial I'm pretty sure you'll masturbate.

By:|February 11, 2008


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Stephen Hawking Is PISSED At Anonymous

In case you haven't seen it, there's a group called "Anonymous" that has made several videos threatening the church of scientology. Check one out here. Recently, Stephen Hawking saw these videos and was more than just a bit upset. Now, he's made his own video response. Check it out below: Stephen Hawking Answers Anonymous - Watch more free videos In case you had trouble hearing, here's the transcript: This is a message to Anonymous from Stephen Hawking. Hey, tough guy, where do you get off stealing my voice? You talk big smack to scientology but what will you do when I rain down my wheels of fury upon your candy ass? This is my voice. Not yours. Mine. You hear me you son of a bitch? I was telling the world about cosmic worm holes while you were still a load in your father's nut sack. Do you know how many e-mails I have gotten from people asking why I hate Tom Cruise? Do you know how long it takes to respond to an e-mail when you can not move your hands? Unlike Scientology, I do not have a litigious nature. If you fuck with me, I will come to your house and rape your dog in front of you. I will sew your asshole shut and keep feeding you and feeding you and feeding you. That is right. I am a crazy motherfucker. Just try me, bitch. Hawking out.

By:|February 11, 2008


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Amy Winehouse Is Very British

Hallo Govna! Sweep your chimney I will I will! Jesus, what an accent. Apparently she grew up in Oliver Twist's orphanage. I have to fight the urge to serve her gruel and beat her with a ruler. Amy Winehouse took home 5 Grammy awards on Sunday, winning every category she was up for. In related news, she also won 5 Crackies, an award given out by crack dealers world wide. I think it's kind of rigged though. I mean, look at the trophy. That one goes above the fireplace. Anyway, not everyone is happy about Amy winning a Grammy. People.com reports, artist Natalie Cole is not happy: "I don't think she should have won. I think it sends a bad message to our young people who are trying to get into this business, the ones who are trying to do it right and really trying to keep themselves together," said Cole, 58. "We have to stop rewarding bad behavior." Oh, okay. Yes, let's stop giving musicians that do drugs, awards. Here's a list of every musician in the history of the Grammy Awards, who has won an award and NEVER done drugs. Yanni

By:|February 10, 2008


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BlackBerry Service Down: It’s Pants Crapping Time

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I don't give a shit how REM feels about it, I'm scared.  Engadgetmobile.com reports: BlackBerry addicts everywhere have reason to panic this afternoon, as their beloved network is indeed experiencing technical difficulties.  Reportedly, an e-mail sent by RIM support account manager Bryan Simpson affirmed that a "critical severity outage" and that this was an "emergency notification regarding the current BlackBerry infrastructure outage." What the?!  BlackBerry service is out?!  Are you telling me that when I drive my car I'm going to have to stare straight ahead and pay attention to the road and traffic in front of me?!  What happens if I get an e-mail in the 13 minutes it takes me to drive from my office to my house?!  Alright, nobody panic, here's what we do: Go to the store, buy as much water and canned goods as possible. Board up your windows and doors.  If your kids aren't home yet, it's already too late.  There's nothing you can do.  They're gone. Load up your shotgun and sit on your roof.  If anyone comes near you, just shoot.  Just f*&king shoot.

By:|February 10, 2008


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Who’s A Better Rapper: Will.I.Am or Raindrop?

Will.I.Am managed to put on the worst performance in rap history at yesterday's Grammys. It was more embarrassing than watching your parents have sex...with your grandparents. It was so bad that it reminded me of Raindrop—the 12-year-old hip hop extraordinaire who laid waste to MC Mike Glambin in a now legendary middle school rap battle. I am asking this question seriously: Can you tell me who is a better rapper? I can't tell the difference between the wildly successful rapper who's made millions and the bucktoothed suburban dork who stutters and drools all over himself. I'll call this one a draw.

By:|February 10, 2008


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MILF Monday: Debbie Clemens

There's some crazy rumor going around that Debbie Clemens, Roger's wife, was injected with HGH by Brian McNamee. But I just don't see it. She looks like a regular mom to me. According to her website, she's really into exercise, so that may account for her slightly abnormal build when compared to other moms her age.          

By:|February 10, 2008


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Olivia Munn Acts Out Your Fantasies

The Attack of the Show host once offered anal sex to anyone who could beat her at Wii boxing. So, as you can tell, she either really likes anal sex or she's pretty good at Wii boxing. Instead of taking photos of that, Complex magazine put Olivia Munn in classic scenes from Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Dodgeball, Weird Science, There's Something About Mary, Wayne's World and Dumb and Dumber. I still would've preferred the anal sex photo shoot, but I'll take what I can get.               

By:|February 9, 2008


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Chelsea Clinton Pimp Caller Apologizes

People, he wasn't being f*&king pejorative! Come on! There wasn't anything pejorative about it! First of all, what the hell has happened in America when you have to apologize for saying someone was "pimped out?" If he had said "They're pimping Chelsea Clinton out like a dirty herpes-infected hooker, then maybe, MAAAAAYBE I could see an apology necessary. Secondly, why is it when some network dude apologizes from something dumb he said, we have to hear a 2 minute recap of bullshit before he can apologize, and when he does he uses words like pejorative. How about "Hey, I'm a robot that panders to a small group of easily offended people. I apologize to those people. Thank you."

By:|February 8, 2008


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55% Want To Bed Bridget Moynahan

It was a close vote, but 55% of your decided you'd rather bang Tom Brady's ex, than Tom Brady's current.  Either way, Tom Brady's banged them both, so even though he blew it in the Super Bowl, his life is still 100,000,000,000,000 times better than all of ours. Now, real reactions from actual readers.  You can see their comments in our NEW COMMENT SECTION of WWYRD.  Yeah, that's right, we have a comments section now so you we can hear your perverted thought processes. CORY - I enjoy sex EVAN - Bridget's last name makes me think of mayonnaise, which turns me on. JR - Anybody who would rather do BM instead of Giselle is flaming. [editors note - It took me twenty minutes to realize that BM stood for Bridget Moynahan and not bowel movement.  I'm seriously like five years old. 

By:|February 7, 2008


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By:|February 7, 2008


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By:|February 7, 2008