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You Don’t Win Friends With Rat Salad

Most of the time I like to celebrate the little cultural differences that span the globe. I like that we aren't all one homogenous race of people all sharing the same likes and dislikes. This is not one of those times. Apparently people in a small Taiwanese village devour rats like potato chips. According to dzrbenson.com: Both Restaurants in a Taiwan village display hairless rat carcasses in their kitchen windows before chopping off the heads and throwing the pint-sized bodies and tails into pots. Both restaurants are full at meal times as the rat race for gnawing customers reaches fever pitch. "Most people who come in here at first have a psychological barrier, but once they take a bite, they don't mind. The rats grow up on crops from fields surrounding the village of Lucao in Chiayi county - which means they are not dirty rats from sewers. Oooooh, they're not from sewers? Well thank God. Let's fire a couple dozen up for the Super Bowl party. On a personal note, I actually ate guinea pig a few years ago at a Peruvian restaurant. It was basically on a dare from my friends (after I dared myself to drink 11 Coronas.) It was served to me whole while splayed out on a bed of potatoes and minor wisps of whiskers still poked out from it's smiling cheek. As I dug my fork into its tiny, nearly-meatless haunch I took a bite of what tasted like wet dog hair. I politely smiled at my waiter, put my fork down and forced myself to swallow the only bite of guinea pig I will ever put in my mouth. I'm no zoologist, but I'm pretty sure guinea pig = rat in the flavor spectrum.

By:|January 29, 2008


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Taco Belle: Emanuela de Paula

Age: 18 Where you've seen her: Emanuela de Paula has done a few modeling things for magazines your girlfriend reads, but she is the newest Victoria's Secret girl. So if you subscribe to the Victoria's Secret magazine like I do (fine, it's a catalog. Whatever.) then you'll be "reading" a lot more about her in the near future. Tantalizing tidbit: Like all mind-blowingly hot models, she's Brazilian. And while she may be the hottest women you have ever seen. She is still only the 3,560th hottest girl in Brazil. Which makes me wonder: Why do I live here?                      Courtesy of goldenfiddle.com.

By:|January 29, 2008


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Friends Fly Naked

Oh those crazy Germans.  First they start two world wars, and now this: Travel agency OssiUrlaub.de said it would start taking bookings from Friday for a trial nudist day trip from the eastern German town of Erfurt to the popular Baltic Sea resort of Usedom. The 55 passengers will have to remain clothed until they board, and dress before disembarking, said Hess.  The crew will remain clothed throughout the flight for safety reasons. Sure.  Nobody likes a wiener in their coffee.  Seriously though, inviting the masses to be nude is a bad idea because the majority of people in the world are ugly.  If you don't believe me, go to a Target store and just look around.  It's frightening.

By:|January 29, 2008


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Amy Winehouse’s Mom Is A Downer

Amy Winehouse's mother, Janis, is prepping for the worst for her troubled daughter. Usmagazine.com reports: I've already come to terms with her dead," she said in a startling interview in Sunday's The Mirror. "I've steeled myself to ask her what ground she wants to be buried in, which cemetery." I thought it was my job to predict when celebrities are going to die, but apparently Mrs. Winehouse wants in. That's fine, but if she releases a list of names accompanied by graphs, I'm taking legal action. Janis said her daughter will be honored at next month's Grammys, "but part of me thinks she won't be alive by then." Ouch, mom. And I thought it was bad when I was twelve and my dad predicted in his pre-game speech to my little league team that I wouldn't lose my virginity till I was 33. I'll show him, I have a few years left. "I look at heath Ledger and Britney. She's on their path," Janis Winehouse added. Wow. Britney Spears take note: Amy Winehouse's mom thinks her daughter, who is addicted to crack and looks like she only eats cigarette butts and cotton candy, is not as f-ed up as you. Anyway, it got me thinking, what would Amy's gravestone look like? I'm so going to hell.

By:|January 28, 2008


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The 10 Best Beer Slogans

Everyone knows that beer is great. But sometimes the slogans used to sell it are even better. 10. Blatz - How Mother and Baby "Picked Up" This advertisement actually says, "A case of Blatz Beer in your home means much to the young mother, and obviously baby participates in its benefits." If a baby ever "picked up" a case of Blatz and came over to my house, I would definitiley help him participate in its benefits. 9. Schlitz - The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous If Milwaukee is famous for the notorious swill that is Schlitz, maybe they should throw a few tax dollars into building a huge cheese statue or an oversized sausge replica--anything to put their name on the map for any other reason. Being famous for Schlitz is up there with being famous for dandruff. 8. Red Stripe - Hooray Beer! Screw the cutesy little slogans, the rhymes and the alliteration. Red Stripe breaks it down to the basest emotion you have for beer. After three or four brewskis the little man in your brain isn't thinking about problems at work, your mortgage payment or the fact that your wife doesn't find you attractive anymore. He's just dancing around in his boxers and yelling, "Hooray Beer!"

By:|January 28, 2008


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Does Anyone Wear Condoms?

I'm not sure what's in the cocaine over there in Hollywood, but everyone is having babies.  From people.com: Gwen Stefani and her rock star husband Gavin Rossdale are expecting their second child, Rossdale's father confirms to PEOPLE. "They and the whole family are delighted." Yeah, that kid Stefani is holding in the picture definitely looks delighted.  I make that same face right after I shit when I realize I've ran out of toilet paper and the only thing in arm's reach is The New Yorker. Stefani, 38, and British-born Rossdale, 40, wed in London in September 2002 and have one of the coolest kids in showbiz: Kingston Rossdale, who turns 2 on May 26. Stefani has described Kingston as a "chilled-out little guy.  He's just like another person, except that he's super-cute and super-entertaining." Careful, that's how they used to describe Haley Joel Osment.  Now he looks like this:

By:|January 28, 2008


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Even Monkeys Like Christina Ricci’s Boobs

Finally, some irrefutable evidence of evolution. According to celebritysmackblog.com an amorous ape had a little too much fun with one of Christina Ricci's funbags: Christina Ricci says she was already afraid of monkeys before being attacked by one on the set of her latest movie, Penelope. The chimpanzee, Chim Chim, grabbed hold of the actresses boob and refused to let go. She explains, "I'm afraid of monkeys but I had decided not to be afraid of this monkey because no one else is. “Everyone else thinks he's awesome so just be cool.' "It's the first day of shooting and I have this kitchen scene where I'm sitting down and the monkey is sitting right next to me. Of course it freaks out during the take and grabs my left breast and will not let go, and he's so strong. I'm thinking, “This thing is gonna rip it's hand away and I will no longer have a boob there!'

By:|January 28, 2008


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Taco Belle: Alessandra Ambrosio

Age: 26 Why am I showing you these photos: Well, for one, Alessandra Ambrosio is super hot. And she's also pregnant. So, unless you have a fetish for beach ball-sized stomachs, she's not going to be this hot in a month or two. Um, who am I kidding. She'd still be hot if she lost all her limbs and had a terrible gas problem.                              

By:|January 28, 2008


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Adrian Grenier Is Just Faaabulous!

This is Adrien Grenier exercising right before the SAG awards. Although I altered one of the pictures in photoshop, I ask you: Is it possible to look more effeminate in a picture than this? No. It's not. That's right, I answered for you. I had to check this out for myself, since he seems like such a guy's guy in Entourage. I caught him in front of a friend's house just as he was about to drive away and snapped a picture. Please play the video while you read his response to me asking: "What are you up to?" Grenier (Girls Just Wanna Have Fun) - Watch more free videos "Nothin....psyche! We're going to Pinkberry! Well, duh, first I'm going to pick up my friend Rachel, who toootally loves Pinkberry, but I mean, who doesn't love Pinkberry? Then probably after Pinkberry, we'll drive around and look for boys, and then go to Pinkberry again cause Pinkberry is sooooooo good. (long pause as he and I stared at each other silently, then he said...) Pinkberry Pinkberry.

By:|January 28, 2008


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Marijuana Vending Machine To Solve Our Problems

California has taken a brave stance in the war on not being high and provided medical marijuana vending machines available to those in need. According to BBC.com: The machines can only be used by people who have been prescribed the drug for health reasons. Once the users have been photographed, fingerprinted and have shown their prescription, they will be issued with a card which can be used in the machines, he told KWTX News 10 in the US. "They'll be greeted by a security guard right there. They'll slide the card in and they'll fingerprint in to verify that it's them," he was quoted by KWTX News 10 as saying. "A camera takes a picture of them, verifying that they're actually at the machine. And they get the medicine and they move on." I'm so glad that futuristic fingerprint-reading technology is spent on this stuff and I still have to use a fax machine. But, on the upside, these vending machines should provide more scenes like this: 911 were dead - Watch more free videos

By:|January 27, 2008


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This Is A Ticket Straight To Hell

Yeah! That'll teach that kid to be all retarded and stuff! How dare he go around calling people "shorty." Them's fightin' words, I don't care what your level of mental deficiency is! Here's a good rule of thumb: If you're a special education teacher and one of your mentally challenged kids makes fun of your height by calling you "shorty," and you respond by saying "why don't you come up here and say it to my face," then proceed to break the students thumb, you: A) May have anger management problems B) Shouldn't be educating children C) Are going straight to hell D) Are in a fraternity at the University of Southern California

By:|January 27, 2008


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New Kids On The Block Reunion = Hilarious

As a blogger it's my job to make fun of people.  So when I read a story like this one, it's like God is telling me; "Take the day off, I'll handle it from here." Sorry New Kids on the Block fans:  Despite a Saturday People.com report, there won't be a reunion anytime soon. "I wanted to address the rumors of the NKOTB Reunion Tour," the former boy-bander Danny Wood wrote on his MySpace blog this morning.  "There's been no talk of this and you are getting it from the source directly." I wonder if it's difficult to post stuff on your myspace blog when you're on your smoke break during your lunch shift at TGI Fridays?  Seriously though, what could NKOTB be getting back together to do?  It can't be to make music.  Maybe he meant that the rumors weren't true that they're getting back together to start a drywall business.  In which case I'd be disappointed because it's hard to find good drywall people. He signed off his post, "Dwood." Okay, that seems douche-y but let me defend him.  He was going to sign it "Yours truly, Daniel Wood," but the librarian said his time was up and there were several people waiting to use the computers.

By:|January 27, 2008


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Angelina Jolie’s Baggy Dress Hides Baby?

Last night the Screen Actors Guild Awards were held.  I had the choice of watching the ceremony or holding my breath until I passed out.  When I awoke on the floor this morning, I read this:  Angelina Jolie was the center of attention at the Screen Actors Guild Awards on Sunday night: the actress' loose and flowing vintage Hermes dress fueled rumors the actress is expecting. So they think she's hiding a pregnant stomach under that dress?  They haven't done their reporting.  I took this photo and analyzed it in my lab/parent's basement and was shocked at what she was really hiding: Shocking, I know.  I mean seriously, how could the midget in red not know the midget in yellow would go to his right.  I've played enough basketball to know: midgets in yellow ALWAYS go to their right.

By:|January 27, 2008


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Apple Fanboys Make Me Hate Apple Computers

I don't get the stupid computer arguments dorks like this guy get into. If you want to use a Mac, go for it. If you want to use a PC, I don't care. To me, a computer is a machine that gives me porn and...well, that's about it. But Mac users are a little too excited to use a Mac. They're worse than Scientologists when it comes to promoting their weirdo nerd cult. Do you really need to wear a swimsuit to tell everyone you use a mouse with only one button? Especially when you're shaped like Grimace? Mac users are the biggest reason I will only use a PC for the rest of my life.

By:|January 27, 2008


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Spend A Night In The Hitler Room

If you have trouble sleeping, then maybe you need to surround yourself with the images and memorabilia of one of history's worst murderers. The Belgrade President Hotel gives you that opportunity in their themed hotel. There's a Bush suite, a Thatcher suite, a Castro suite and, of course, a Hitler Room. According to ABCNews.com: With fierce competition, the hotel industry is constantly inventing new marketing tricks to attract guests. Now some people are accusing Belgrade hotelier Dusan Zabunovic of going too far with his latest gimmick.   The Hitler or room 501, occupied mainly by German, Croat and Slovenian guests, sees the highest demand, according to Zabunovic. Hitler's portrait overlooks a king-size bed; he wears a military uniform, with a swastika on the left arm. But a night with what many still consider one of history's greatest madmen comes cheaper than most. The rate for the Hitler room is $200, less than half the price of the Tito suite at $500 a night. I'm not sure if the Tito Suite is referring to Tito Jackson or Tito Puente. But I'm pretty sure it's definitely worth $500 a night.

By:|January 27, 2008


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MILF Monday: Heidi Klum

Age: 34 Where You've Seen Her: Heidi Klum has been a Victoria's Secret girl for years, she's hosted Project Runway and if you're lucky enough to live in Germany, she hosts Deutchland's version of America's Next Top Model (yes, it's called Germany's Next Top Model.) Is She A MILF? Yes she is. In 2004 her water broke and she gave birth to Helen "Leni" Klum. A couple years later she married Seal (the guy with the face) and her water broke again in 2005 when she gave birth to Gunther. And then her water broke once more in 2006 when she gave birth to Johan. Can someone get a mop?               

By:|January 27, 2008


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Japanese Bugs Like To Fight

Japanese Bug Fights Round 30 - Watch more free videos Japan can make a game show out of anything.

By:|January 26, 2008


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Rock Out To Mega Man

If you spent any time in the eighties, you probably did at least one of these three things. Snorted cocaine in a bathroom stall Put pop rocks into Coca Cola then dared someone to drink it. Played Mega ManSome of you might have even done all three of those things at once.  Well, now you can relive one of them through the music of The Megas.   That's right, there's a band devoted solely to covering the songs played in the video game Mega Man.  According to their website:Since the year 200x(4), The Megas have strived to bring a message from Dr. Light to the people.  They have chosen to transmit that message, the tale of a small blue robot named Mega Man, directly into the eardrums of the general populace through the power of rock.I'm not even sure what that means, but they sound really dedicated to the power of rocking out.  Which I definitely can't say about any Dave Matthews Album.  I remember playing Mega Man for 8 straight hours once when I was little, without taking a break to go to the bathroom even though I really had to.  This resulted in me uttering the phrase my family likes to bring up now, when I introduce new friends: "Mom, my stomach hurts cause  I can't make poos."

By:|January 25, 2008


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Mitt Romney Has A Puppeteer

Listen closely after Tim Russert asks Mitt Romney a question. Apparently someone was feeding Mitt information through an ear piece or something and his mic picked it up. When he's asked the question about Ronald Reagan, you can hear some dude say "he raised taxes." Man, I wish I had somebody feeding me lines when I talk to people. Especially when I'm at the drive thru, I can never remember what I came there to order. A simple whisper of "Double cheeseburger, no Mayonnaise," would help out a lot. Lucky for you, Holy Taco was at this debate, and OUR mic picks up even more. Wait a few seconds after the first whisper, you'll hear a whole lot more. romney whisper - Watch more free videos

By:|January 25, 2008


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By:|January 24, 2008