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If J.J. Abrams Screws Up ‘Star Wars,’ There Will Be Hell to Pay

Our childhood memories are at stake here, dude. Don't eff around.

By:|May 18, 2014


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Booty of the Day: Laura Carmine, Red Hot Telenovela Star [13 PHOTOS]

Laura is a Philadelphia-born actress of Mexican and Puerto Rican descent who has been lighting up telenovelas — or "Mexican soap operas" for you gringos out there — since 2008.

By:|May 16, 2014


bunny-tat-2

Want a Free Tattoo? Then Sit Tight and Let the Bedbugs Bite

An etymologist allowed a thousand hungry, pissed-off bedbugs to chew on his arm, for science! He also created a sweet new method of tattooing that we're shocked hasn't caught on yet. If you want to try it out, all you need is a jar of bugs, some inspiration, and irreversible insanity.

By:|May 16, 2014


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Google Glass Is Terrible, And You’re an Awful Person for Using It

No one has ever heard of one reason that we really need Google Glass — only things that we *can* do with it. But why in the name of Judas’ Balls would I need to see myself banging my own wife?

By:|May 16, 2014


Cold-Spring-Harbor

Great Failures From the Past: Billy Joel’s High-Pitched Debut Album

Billy Joel doesn't like his debut album, Cold Spring Harbor. Not because it sucks, but because his idiot producer somehow sped up the record while mastering it, turning Joel and his band into a bunch of high-pitched, squeaking munchkins. And unless you're Billy Joel, it's absolutely hilarious.

By:|May 16, 2014


Flappy-Bird-Failure

7 Ways to Make the New Flappy Bird Less Addictive

Flappy Bird is here again! A revamped, "less addictive" version of the game debuts this August, though the game's designer won't explain how he plans to make the game less drug-like. Perhaps by stealing one of the following highly-creative ways we just concocted? God, we hope so.

By:|May 15, 2014


prince-slave

Prince Returns to Warner Brothers, Already Hates Them Again

Prince recently returned to his old record label, Warner Brothers, after 20+ years of hating them. Less than two weeks in, he already hates them again. It's the least surprising thing Prince has ever done.

By:|May 15, 2014


2011 CBS Upfront

‘Two and a Half Men’ Is Finally Ending, Thank God

I’d say we hardly knew ye, but much like an aging mother-in-law, you overstayed your welcome and stunk up every room you were in.

By:|May 14, 2014


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Reviewing 51 Seconds of the Million-Dollar Wu-Tang Clan Album

The Wu-Tang Clan is pressing exactly one copy of their new album. It costs $5 million, and everyone else can only listen to it in a museum of Wu's choice. Based on the 51-second snippet Forbes just released, the album isn't even close to worth it. Sorry Ghostface. Please don't killah us.

By:|May 14, 2014


octopus-jar

Smart Octopus Unscrews Jar, Too Dumb to Actually Escape

An octopus gets trapped inside a jar -- oh no! It then figures out how to escape -- oh yes! It then chooses to stay inside the jar -- oh kay?

By:|May 14, 2014


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13 Revealing Bikinis That Would Get You Kicked Out of a Public Pool

The best bikinis are the ones that are barely bikinis at all — but instead strategically-placed pieces of cloth designed to keep ladies from straight-up violating public decency laws.

By:|May 13, 2014


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The 14 Greatest Lotion-Related GIFs of All Time

Featuring such classics as "Bikini Girl Drops Bottle While Shaking It," "Man Sitting at Computer Preparing to Masturbate," and "Ben Chang Rubs Himself Down (I Got This).

By:|May 13, 2014


ask-commish

Roger Goodell’s #AskCommish Hijacked Because Why Wouldn’t It Be?

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell recently started the hashtag #AskCommish. He probably figured, just as McDonald's, Blackberry, Walgreens, the NCAA, and the NYPD, that it would be harmless fluff about his favorite food and how much people love the hell out of his league. Nope.

By:|May 13, 2014


gilbertgottfried-games

Gilbert Gottfried Voices Videogames, Forgets How To Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried voicing video games could have been the greatest thing ever, but for some reason, his iconic shrieks, squeaks, and high-pitched whines are totally gone. Instead, we get a series of half-assed reads that make me wonder if he was on Quaaludes that day.

By:|May 13, 2014


Eminem-Debbie-Mathers-throwback-photo

Eminem Apologizes to His Mom in ‘Headlights’ Video – Does Anyone Believe Him?

Em still manages to drudge up more of his mother’s dirty hayseed family laundry — it’s like he works to squeeze an episode of The Maury Show in at least every other track.

By:|May 12, 2014


southpark-ectoplasm-crop

May Is Masturbation Month – How Are You Celebrating?

May is International Masturbation Month, which is like having a National Air Month, National Water Month, or National Stare-at-a-Fat-Ass Month — it provides recognition to an activity that everyone does any damn way.

By:|May 12, 2014


HIMYM-finale

Turns Out Everyone Loved the How I Met Your Mother Finale Except You

Scrolling down the typical Twitter feed, and clicking on the typical pop culture snarksite, you would think How I Met Your Mother had the worst, most ill-received finale since Seinfeld. You would be ... wrong. Scientific analysis concludes that just about everybody loved it, except for you.

By:|May 12, 2014


Thamsanqa-Jantjie

Crazy Nelson Mandela Sign Language Guy Returns By Unpopular Demand

Some people, no matter how talented, hard-working, and non-psychotic they are, just can't find work. Then there's Thamsanqa Jantjie, the insane sign-language interpreter who doesn't know sign language and *still* remains gainfully employed.

By:|May 12, 2014


templeofdoom_dinner

5 Gross Food Items That Are Only Gross Because Our Brains Said So

Eggs? Omelette time. Roast duck? Fire up that grill! But eat a bird in that delicious in-between fetus stage, and suddenly you're a war criminal.

By:|May 9, 2014


Rob Ford

Seven of the Most Embarrassing Politicians in Modern History (Besides Rob Ford)

Ford is far from the only politician busted doing cosmically stupid shit presumably under a shroud of power that makes them think they can’t be touched. They always get caught sooner or later, and we always wonder what the hell they were thinking.

By:|May 8, 2014


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