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Dane+Cook

25 New Jokes for Dane Cook

You may not have heard but while Keystone pipelines were being sent to China and Wikipedias were being shut down, in LA, alleged comedian Dane Cook showed up at the Laugh Factory and proceeded to inject semi-solid hate directly into the eyeballs and earballs of every comedian in the building. You’ve probably heard comedians hate on each other before, everyone hates on Carlos Mencia and, generally, Dane Cook, but this was epic hatery. Hate that even Kardashians don’t get. Rick Santorum doesn’t get. Barack Obama doesn’t get. It was rough.

By:|January 20, 2012


stoller

The Morning Jolt: The Gate Show

Fed Stoller, Howie Mandel and you! Enjoy!

By:|January 20, 2012


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Videos Of People Awkwardly Showing Off Their Piercings

I've never been huge into piercings, I got my left ear pierced back in the nineties, and that's where my love for body modification stayed. However, piercings and tattoos are becoming increasingly more common, particularly among young people with no foresight. Once you make the decision to blow your earlobes out to the circumference of an oil drum and get "Born Free" tattooed on your knuckles, your next step is to show yourself to the world. Preferably via YouTube...

By:|January 19, 2012


Iran_Drone

Oh, Snap! Iran Is Sending Us a Toy Model of Our Own Downed Drone

Remember when one of our spy drones crash landed in Iran and Iran refused to give it back? Well, there’s been a new development in this silly tale. Iran has announced that they will be sending the crashed drone back to us, but it won’t be the same drone that was captured. It will be a 1/80th scale toy replica of the drone. In addition to that, Iranian citizens will soon be able to purchase a copy of that toy model in stores and it will retail for the equivalent of $4.00 US.

By:|January 19, 2012


archer

GIF Attack!

Archer comes back tonight! Wooooooo! And we're not even getting paid to promote it!

By:|January 19, 2012


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25 Biker Gangs

We're thinking of forming our own biker gang, the Devil's Tacos, but none of us have a bike and our intern legally can't operate a vehicle that goes over 25mph. But until we get that worked out, here's 25 other gangs.

By:|January 19, 2012


sequels

Sequelectric! Crafting 8 Perfect Sequels

According to Box Office Mojo, the top 9 movies of 2011 were all sequels. This clearly indicates that all people want to see is a story they already saw once, but in a slightly different way. It takes too much time to invest in new characters, who needs that? Show me Tom Cruise missioning in an impossible way again, that’s what we need. Apparently. Knowing this, we may as well start working on some older films that are in need of the sequel treatment to see if we can’t drum up that sweet sequel cash. So sweet.

By:|January 19, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Almond Fire

If I ever end up squatting on an almond farm, I am totally going to cook so many tiny portions of Ramen noodles.

By:|January 19, 2012


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The Funniest Article Ever Posted In The History of Holy Taco

…would be censored, almost certainly removed, and would possibly cause Holy Taco to be deleted from the internet in a SOPA world because it contained a link to another page on the internet, that contained a funny video from Break or Youtube that itself contained a muffled, degraded, barely audible clip of a popular pop song as lip-dubbed by a cross-dresser from Montana that used a dildo as a microphone for added comedic effect. This, in the eyes of a major media company, is copyright infringement. Absurd? Ridiculous? F*cking stupid? Yep, yep, and mega-yep. That’s SOPA.

By:|January 18, 2012


blacksquare7

GIF Attack!: SOPA Edition

Hey, do you like GIFs? Do you especially like GIFs that are made up of 3 to 5 second loops of movies and TV shows? Well, in a SOPA/PIPA world, you can kiss GIFs goodbye. GIFs would be considered a major violation of copyright infringement. Yep, you could have your website nuked by a corporation via the United States Government because of a 5 second endless loop of Chuck Norris doing some weird shit from a movie no one ever saw, at least not in a non-ironic way. SOPA, please die.

By:|January 18, 2012


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25 Post SOPA LOLCats

In the world of SOPA, this is what you'd find on the internet. We can't post pics we found on other sites, we'd have to make our own terrible ones. Well, half awesome but half terrible. This! It's not even actually 25, it's like 26 or something! Nothing is what it seems!

By:|January 18, 2012


chicken-noodle-soup

In Defense of Sopa

What’s all this fuss I’ve been hearing lately about sopa? I find it so strange how something as innocuous as sopa can get so many people on the internet so riled up. It’s harmless! It’s nothing but fantastic! It seems every website I go to has some kind of anti-sopa message on it asking people to sign petitions; I’m assuming to ensure that sopa never sees the light of day.

By:|January 18, 2012


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The SOPA Article

Click the link if you want to do something about it.

By:|January 18, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Up Yours SOPA

This.

By:|January 18, 2012


Literally_Extreme

The Word Of The Moment: Literally

The word of the moment is literally, as in, “Dave literally killed that old lady.”

By:|January 17, 2012


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Five Ridiculous Fast Food Promotions

The obesity epidemic in the U.S. doesn't seem like it's going to get any better any time soon. Part of that is probably because bad food keeps getting more delicious, and the other part is because it's getting cheaper. Just in time for Burger King to announce home-delivery in a few select places (probably wherever the most number of jazzy scooters and reach extenders are sold.) We all try to deny our excessive Wendy's cravings and avoid our urges to hit the Taco Bell drive through that's open all night. It just gets really difficult. Particularly when fast food establishments keep stepping their game up to compete with one another. They're always giving away free crap, stepping up their service, or putting Fritos on Doritos on tacos. The devil knows what you want, and he's offering it for pocket change. All you have to give him in return is your unhealthy innards...

By:|January 17, 2012


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25 Rodents of Unusual Size

Not that many people love rats of a normal size but man, you can really find some big ones out there. Also fat mice. Fat, fatty fat mice. And squirrels. And so on.

By:|January 17, 2012


steve-martin-dentist

Your Dentist Hates You: 5 Passive Aggressive Dental Weapons

The dentist is one of the most reviled people in the world – 80% of that revulsion is irrational. The other 20% is fully deserved because, as much as you may hate the dentist, he seems to hate you back. He hides it, behind his little mask and big light and pointy tools but man, that dude is just disgusted with you. Just take a look at all the subtle ways he tries to make your day worse.

By:|January 17, 2012


punch

The Morning Jolt: Punchy

It was a good guess, man. Good guess.

By:|January 17, 2012


Ostrich

Ostriches Want To Have Sex With Us

Have you ever stared deeply in to the eyes of an ostrich and felt as though you were being held in the arms of a tender lover? Wait…did you just say yes? Hey, everybody reading this: let’s all point and laugh at the one guy that actually said yes! HA! While the thought of a human falling in love with an Ostrich seems weird to us, the reverse is a common phenomenon recently noticed by ostrich farmers at Hangland Farms in the U.K.

By:|January 16, 2012