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The Morning Jolt: Danish Butt Game

This is how you entertain Europeans. Nice.

By:|January 16, 2012


25 Things Lana del Rey Sounds Like

If you missed SNL last night, count yourself lucky. Harry Potter hosted and for the most part he did a decent job and there were some funny skits but by far the most memorable skit of the night was musical guest Lana Del Rey performing her song Video Games. It was one of the most awful things ever on network television. This is not an opinion, this is fact. Those who defend del Rey's performance probably also supported Herman Cain. Listen and see;

By:|January 15, 2012

chicken noodle soup

In Defense Of Sopa

What’s all this fuss I’ve been hearing lately about sopa? I find it so strange how something as innocuous as sopa can get so many people on the internet so riled up. It’s harmless! It’s nothing but fantastic! It seems every website I go to has some kind of anti-sopa message on it asking people to sign petitions; I’m assuming to ensure that sopa never sees the light of day.

By:|January 15, 2012

Mr. Chuckles

Sunday Comics

  Sunday comics again! Excellent!

By:|January 15, 2012

jay z beyonce

The Dumbest Celebrity Baby Name?

Picking a baby name is twice as tough for a celebrity because while you may think Carl is a fine name, a celebrity has to find a way to turn that into Squirtholomew Humperdinck. Our friends over at TruTV want your help deciding what name is the dumbest, so why not go vote in their poll? Click here to hop over to TruTV and vote in their poll!

By:|January 13, 2012


My Extremely Sarcastic Reaction To Hearing That Paula Deen Might Have Diabetes

  WHAAAAAAAAT?! NOOOOOOOOO! That’s – thaT’S IMPOSSIBLE! There is absolutely no way the woman that taught me how to make deep-fried lasagna and Twinkie pie has been diagnosed with a disease commonly associated with high-fat, high-sugar diets. I feel this news must be a joke, some elaborate ruse cooked up by some anti-Deen terrorists, designed to tint my day with the dark, fudgy, cream-filled and gravy-slathered hue of remorse.

By:|January 13, 2012


Five Wannabe Super Heroes Who Got Arrested

We'd all love to be able to live our lives as caped crusaders. Fighting crime, getting scores of offers from women, but often rejecting them to continue fighting crime. It's a fantasy life that's best left for daydreams and roleplaying behind closed doors. Unfortunately, not everybody feels that way. Sometimes, some people are so bored with their own real lives that they dress up as superheroes and go out in public. And sometimes, as in these five cases below, they go completely against the nature of their heroes and commit a crime that lands them in jail. Here's five examples of wannabe superheroes getting arrested...

By:|January 13, 2012

15 watermelon

25 Bizarre Flavored Beers

Nothing says 'I love you' quite like a beer, except spending time enjoying the company of another human and having real, non-boozed based relationships. But this is about beer, and these beers all have zany flavors. Mmm, beer.

By:|January 13, 2012


Midseason TV Schedules from the Year 2022

Welcome to January and a whole stunning crop of terrible new shows on TV. You'd think with all the shit that premiers in September you'd seen every turd TV had to offer, but you'd be wrong. Case in point - Rob Schneider has a sitcom. And don't forget winners like Shipping Wars and the Napoleon Dynamite cartoon which is on now, in the present, not 2005. Yes, TV keeps getting worse, but will it always be so? We sent out intern forward in time in the time machine we bought off of eBay and before he was devoured by Morlocks, he managed to send us back some schedules. Look into your future and be horrified!

By:|January 13, 2012


The Morning Jolt: Do the Math

You're welcome.

By:|January 13, 2012


Get Your Tickets To The Disease And Sin Festival Known As Coachella!

The annual music festival held in Indio, California every year is called Coachella. (In case you're my dad and didn't know that already.) It's a music festival like most others, full of people cooler than you, doing some relatively mild drugs but mostly just listening to music and making sure that people know they're at the festival. Seeing as though it is an outdoor music fest, it's subject to a lot of the unwarranted criticism and disapproval from people who don't have a clear understanding of fun. The super conservative website, ChristWire.org has recently published an article on their site warning readers about the dangers of Coachella. It's from a seriously over-the-top group, so it's not like we're debunking some CNN article, but it's fun to see such intense exaggeration. You can read the whole article here, but if you're embarrassed to have that website in your history, then check out a few highlights from the piece:

By:|January 12, 2012

truffle shuffle

GIF Attack!

  This is my way of telling you that I'm currently watching Goonies on Blu-Ray. Booyah.

By:|January 12, 2012

Hazel Jones

Questions and Comments The Woman With Two Vaginas Probably Hears A Lot

I was reading a news story today about a woman named Hazel Jones. She’s got two vaginas. Two of them. It's called uterus didelphys. It’s an incredibly rare phenomenon, as you can guess. One thing I couldn’t help but think about as I read this article was how she must get treated by people when they find out about her…I guess we can call it a “condition.” I really don’t know what to call it. Condition sounds too serious. She has two vaginas, not two AIDS.

By:|January 12, 2012


25 Celebrities With Whom You Can Go on a Cruise

Nothing beats a cruise - stuck at sea for days at a time with $20 beers, screaming kids and the ever present threat of the Kraken. But it's all worthwhile if you shell out the bucks to cruise with your favorite celebrity! Assuming your favorite celebrity is one of these guys.

By:|January 12, 2012


The Faces of Method Acting

Method acting, also known as Lewising Daniel’s Day, DeNiro’s Crank, the Snipes and Hillbilly Cheddar, is an immersive family of acting techniques characterized by the creation of real emotions within the actor that enables true to life performances, and batshit insanity.

By:|January 12, 2012


The Morning Jolt: Sh*t Nobody Says

Of all the shit videos, this is one of the few that was actually amusing. Now let's stop this trend.

By:|January 12, 2012


GIF Attack!

So...yeah. This is a thing. It exists. Someone did this. Someone added rainbows to this guy's latex-clad junk as he gyrated his hips in a vaguely sexual manner. Thank you, internet.

By:|January 11, 2012


Five Retro Hostess Commercials, In Honor Of Hostess Bakery Declaring Bankruptcy

It's been a really tough year for the snack food industry. First there was the loss of Dorito's creator Arch West who passed away not long ago, and now Hostess is filing for bankruptcy. If you're not familiar with Hostess products, then you're probably not reading this website. They're the creators of Twinkies, Ho-Ho's, and mysteriously non-perishable fruit pies.

By:|January 11, 2012


Holytaco Buzz: Snuggler IRL

If the Snuggler was fused with the still un-caught Bed Intruder, it'd be Agustin Sanchez.  He snuck into his ex girlfriends home and forced her to snuggle with him on Sunday, hoping to rekindle their romance (or maybe just looking for a good snug).  Either way, his ex apparently wasn't having it and called the cops. With any luck, Snuggling is just a misdemeanor and not a felony.  Lord knows we all need a good forced cuddle every now and then.

By:|January 11, 2012


25 Snakes Eating

You know who has atrocious table manners? A snake.

By:|January 11, 2012