21 and Over Caption Contest
Hey kids, do you like the parties and the booze and the funny movies, or at least one of those three things? Sure you do and if you said no, may I direct you to Better Homes and Gardens where nancies like you can learn how to knit a knitting bag. Isn’t that meta lame? So lame.
By:Ian Fortey|February 25, 2013
Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Feb. 22nd
Last week, Bruce Willis fisted the competition into submission just as we all knew he would. You could film Bruce Willis trying different brands of spray-on hair for two hours, call it Die Hard and a Side of Flap Jacks and it’d still be number one the week it opened. This week it looks like most film studios didn’t give a shit and they’re willing to bend over for the Rock. Let’s look.
By:Ian Fortey|February 22, 2013
The Morning Jolt: BURN!!
The expression on her face when she realizes what happened at about 1:25 is just stunning.
By:Ian Fortey|February 22, 2013
9 of the Most Depressing Fetishes Ever
Fetishes make the world go ‘round and everyone is into something. You prefer blondes, you prefer big boobs, you like honey mustard on your taint, whatever. Most fetishes (not all. Never all. But most) are perfectly OK. It’s a harmless quirk that turns your crank, so good for you.
By:Ian Fortey|February 21, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Bill Burr Explains How John Lennon and Yoko
Bill Burr is not wrong.
By:Ian Fortey|February 21, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Karma, Skater Hater
Considering how many kids in the world are total assholes, this lady should be lucky to have to deal with kids who skateboard and don't even swear at her, or touch her, when she was being a royal twat. Sorry about your face at the end there, Speedy. Maybe put your shoes on when you go dancing next time.
By:Ian Fortey|February 20, 2013
11 Terrible Jokes
Why does Peter Pan fly? You’d fly too if someone hit you in the peter with a pan.
By:Ian Fortey|February 20, 2013
The 9 Worst Moves in all of Wrestling
Nothing about modern Western civilization is more confusing than professional wrestling. It makes no sense in layered, complex ways. Like a dog using a lawnmower makes no sense, but pro wrestling is so all over the board and confusing in so many ways you would be forgiven if you thought the whole thing was a big joke. And yet it’s not. I can’t explain it. Anyway, here’s some of the lame crap that passes for moves in wrestling. Don’t ask, just go with it.
By:Ian Fortey|February 19, 2013
The Morning Jolt: The Last Harlem Shake
I trust this puts an end to it.
By:Ian Fortey|February 19, 2013
The 7 Best Fake Presidents of All Time
Washington? Lincoln? JFK? Pretenders to the throne . The best Presidents have always been fictional because reality lacks panache. These are the best Presidents film has to offer. Behold!
By:Ian Fortey|February 18, 2013
Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Feb 15th
I have no idea what he deal is this week since a bunch of movies open on Valentine’s Day which is the 14th and why the hell would you open a movie on a Thursday? Are they expecting a lot of movie dates that night and, if so, who the hell is having a romantic evening with John McClane? Whatevs.
By:Ian Fortey|February 15, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Meteor!
You've probably seen this everywhere already but look at it! LOOK AT IT OH MY GOD IT'S INSANE!!!
By:Ian Fortey|February 15, 2013
My Perfect Valentine’s Day Night
Put my foot in your mouth, internet.
By:Ian Fortey|February 14, 2013
Holy Taco’s Last Minute Valentines
Print 'em and give 'em away to your loved ones!
By:Ian Fortey|February 14, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Happy Valentine’s Day
This is the most romantic damn thing I have ever heard. Yes, I've posted it like 4 times. Because I love love. Happy Valentine's Day!
By:Ian Fortey|February 14, 2013
6 Reality Shows That Need to Exist
Reality TV is preposterous. It’s never been real, it’s clearly not going away and it just mocks us all the time. Mocks our apathy, mocks out stupidity, mocks the way we just won’t turn it off. And even if you do turn it off, and I turn it off, 1,000 idiots will be watching and live tweeting how much they love it with all the finesse of loquacious apes.
By:Ian Fortey|February 13, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Bill Burr on Lance Armstrong
This is basically the final word on Lance Armstrong.
By:Ian Fortey|February 13, 2013
5 Cheeses That Need to Be Made
Cheese making is probably pretty simple. I’ve never endeavored to make much cheese, but I have tried once. I made some homemade marscapone. It tasted kind of like off yogurt. But the point is I did it and could probably do it again. Cheese was invented before the wheel, I think, how hard can it be? That said, despite the long, splendid history of cheese, I can’t help but notice how lazy most cheesemakers are.
By:Ian Fortey|February 12, 2013
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