By: bgoldstein | 6/03/2014
Thieving gypsy baby thieves thieving babies have been in the news a lot lately, even when they didn’t really steal a baby. As a public service, we’ll provide these signs to let you know gypsies are stealing babies from you, in case you weren’t sure.
By:Ian Fortey|October 28, 2013
Last week Carrie dropped a telekinetic turd on the movie going public and no one was amused, least of all me who hasn’t seen a movie in months. When will this dry spell end?!?
By:Ian Fortey|October 25, 2013
In 2013, every costume is of labia with some kind of vaguely identifiable theme. Nurse labia, bee labia, Spongebob labia. I don’t even know if they make men’s costumes anymore. But it doesn’t matter because 2013 is a wash.
By:Ian Fortey|October 24, 2013
Life hack is one of the most egregiously offensive terms currently in our lexicon. It’s stupid. It’s so stupid it should wear a helmet. It doesn’t mean anything.
By:Ian Fortey|October 23, 2013
They say 95% of people admit to masturbating and the other 5% are liars. Ha ha, burn! Wankers. And it’s true that every so often you smack the walrus the right way and it feels alright so you keep doing t. It’s human nature.
By:Ian Fortey|October 22, 2013
Word has it Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi are heading back to the woods with Army of Darkness II. You may recall in the previous Army of Darkness film, Bruce Campbell had a metal hand,a boomstick and was being worshipped by primitives in medieval times.
By:Ian Fortey|October 21, 2013
Another fun filled week of movies is upon us, will it be as stellar as last week with whatever the hell came out? I haven’t seen a movie in a few weeks so I kind of forget what happened lately.
By:Ian Fortey|October 18, 2013
I'm not saying aliens don't exist, I'm just saying they'd be as blown away to discover us as we would be to discover them and we'd mutually agree to probe one anothers' asses.
By:Ian Fortey|October 16, 2013
A year has passed since the events of Batman: Arkham City(quick synopsis – everyone at Arkham Asylum for the Batshit Insane in Gotham City, as well as inmates at Blackgate prison, has escaped and is making the city of Gotham a real shithole.
By:Ian Fortey|October 15, 2013
This weekend was Thanksgiving in Canada. Did you Canadians have Thanksgivng in October? Ya do now. But what’s the big idea, why a month early?
By:Ian Fortey|October 14, 2013
This week is as exciting to me as sitting in a library reading books on tax law. Despite this, it is my solemn duty as a guy who voluntarily gives his opinions on things he knows nothing about to continue sharing said opinions with you, then 13 people who came to this site whilst trying to find a restaurant in Atlanta that has the same name.
By:Ian Fortey|October 11, 2013
Dear Miley and Sinead, I see you two have had a lot to say to one another lately. Sinead, you’re chock full of unsolicited advice for a girl who played a character named Hannah Montana for her entire childhood and whose dad is most famous for Achy Breaky Heart.
By:Ian Fortey|October 10, 2013
We live in a world of under appreciated wonders. The very fact we’re all connected to each other right now across the internet s nothing short of amazing. And only slightly less amazing is the fact that, if I want a pizza, I can just cal someone and tell them to make me a pizza, then sit on my ass until they bring it to my house.
By:Ian Fortey|October 9, 2013
Remember early in 2013 when football punchline Manti Te'o made headlines for sustaining a long term relationship with a girl who never existed?
By:Ian Fortey|October 8, 2013
It’s October and that means zombies, I think. Anyway, as The Walking Dead brings on season 4 after much griping from fans like me in Season 3, I have some words of wisdom that no one asked for on how to make the show the hit it’s supposed to be.
By:Ian Fortey|October 7, 2013
Last week the box office was owned by Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, just as I predicted. I think. I dunno, I’m not going to check. Sounds like something I would have predicted.
By:Ian Fortey|October 4, 2013
Sexting is such a way of life now that politicians legitimately think they can do it and then run for office without being held accountable for it. Silly politicians. For the rest of us it’s just the natural evolution of phone sex, itself the natural evolution of dirty letters.
By:Ian Fortey|October 3, 2013
Once, a long time ago, we have to assume the world was a veritable Shangri La of hatred. People hated whoever they wanted whenever they wanted. Gays? Hate ‘em. Asians? Hate ‘em. Jews? Hate ‘em. Midgets? Hate! As time progressed we developed names for these prejudices and became aware that hating someone based on race or religion or sexual preference was not cool because that makes us dicks, not the people we hate.
By:Ian Fortey|October 2, 2013
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