Paris Hilton Wants Stuff To Come OUT Of Her Vagina

Yesterday I was bored so I decided I’d set up a fake e-mail account and start sending my dad e-mails with pictures I have of my mom when she was younger, before they met, and say “I used to bang your wife. Expect to hear from me. I’m back in town,” and then await his angry response and give it to my brother for his birthday. But when I went to create my e-mail account, yahoo told me someone already had fourinthepinknoneinthestink@yahoo.com. If there was ever a sign there’s too many f-ing people in the world, it’s that someone already has that e-mail address name. Therefore, it pains me to hear Paris Hilton wants to procreate. Celebslam.com reports:

“I definitely want three or four [children] . . . Soon. Maybe a year or two, Hilton told People magazine.

Ugh, good god, imagine the living conditions inside her uterus. I feel like you could set an entire Saw film inside her uterus and critics would say “Saw VI has gone back to the roots of what made this franchise frighteningly entertaining in the first place.”

I hope the doctor sits her and her boyfriend down and says “Now, you know, because one of you is retarded, that increases the chances of you having a mentally challenged baby as well. I just by law have to tell you that before you decide to go through with this.” I think if she has the child, her life will change dramatically. You’ll see a new Paris.