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Paris Hilton Wants To Help The Children

Remember when Paris Hilton came out of jail and sobbed to Larry King, saying, “I want to create a center for women coming out of jail, and I want to work to educate people about drinking and driving, and i want to help sick kids.” Well, I think her publicist was like “Um, you should probably do at least one of those things.” Then Paris sighed and was like “Fiiiine. But after I help these kids, I should be able to start saying the N word again, deal?” Hollywood rag reports:

Hilton has made an “extremely generous” donation to the Los Angeles
Children’s Hospital.

Paris said in a statement: “The children I have met through my involvement
with Children’s Hospital have truly touched my heart
. I am proud to make a
donation and lend my name to the fundraising effort to help children who are
facing terribly serious illnesses
.”

I know you’re probably thinking, “at least she’s donating money.” Sure, I guess. But do you think she would have donated the money if they had told her “listen, you can donate, but no one will ever know.” No. I’m not even going to let you answer that. If I approached her and said “If you hunt and kill 100 homeless men and make a thousand coats to give to people who hunt baby seals, I can guarantee people will love you and you’ll be famous for ever,” she would have already grabbed a knife and a sewing machine before I finished that sentence.

I want to see Paris entertain the sick children. That takes a commitment. I know she’s a talented singer, maybe she can sing for them. I think it might look like this:

Other crap to look at:
Elisha Cuthbert in very little (gorillamask)
A gentleman sends abrash text (thefoggymonocle)

5 Responses to "Paris Hilton Wants To Help The Children"

  1. Joe says:

    That kid in the picture is thinking “the bitch can keep her money as long as my brain tumor kills me right this second.”

  2. wow says:

    Paris SUCKs!

  3. Frank says:

    @wow: Yeah, but she doesn’t swallow…

  4. Eli says:

    I beg to differ, Frank.

  5. Sprmcandy says:

    Eli, Where is proof that Paris swallows? She did Not with Mr Rick in the movie.


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