It's not everyday you get sent a partial compendium of Latvian humor jokes, but today is my lucky day. Chris Connolly and Ky Henderson, who have proclaimed themselves the "Ministers of Latvian Humorological Joke Society of Latvia," were kind enough to send HolyTaco some of Latvia's most well-loved jokes. And as you'll be able to see, the Latvians really love a good joke.
Joke: Latvian: Is so cold. All: How cold is? Latvian: Very. Also dark.
Joke: Three men are in ship. One Latvian, one Russian, one Lithuanian. Lithuanian take out one bottle wodka. Russian kill Lithuanian, then drink wodka. Then Latvian wait until Russian drink self to sleep, then kill. Is end.
Joke: A fishmonger says to a bootblack, "Are there any more potato left?" Bootblack says, "Yes, one. But it has gone bad." The fishmonger says, "I am very hungry. I have not eaten for three days. I shall eat it, even if it makes me very ill." And bootblack says, "I did not speak truth. In reality, there is no food left. You shall go hungry yet another day, my friend."
Joke: Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have sent Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.
Joke: Janis: I hope my son does not die during night. Guntis: What is "hope"? Janis: Yes. I know what you say. Guntis: No. I am serious. What is hope? Janis: In truth, I do not know.
Joke: Knock knock Who’s there? Latvian. Latvian who? Please open door. Is cold.
Joke: Latvian walk into bar with poodle under one arm and salami under other. Eat salami first.
Joke: How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? Only one. Obtain light bulb is hard part. You have potato?
Joke: Latvian is rub lamp find genii. Genii say, “What is three wishes?” Latvian say, “I wish potato!” Then, POOF! Potato! Latvian so happy! “Oh! Is potato! Is potato!” say Latvian. Genii ask, “What is next wish?” Latvian is say, “I wish you go away so can enjoy potato!” POOF! Too bad. Also, was only lamp.
Joke: What are one potato say other potato? Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
Joke: Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier.
Joke: How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
Joke: Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian. “Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!” Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.” “Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad.
Two Latvians stand on bridge away from all others. First Latvian make sure no one can hear, say "What do you think of the new regime?" Second Latvian look to make sure no one can hear, say "I think about new regime same as you think about new regime." First Latvian say "In that case, I arrest you in the name of the State."
Recipe for so-called humour:
1. Find a small country that most Americans barely know of and most certainly couldn't locate on a map if their life depended on it. Preferably an ex-Russian state.
2. Without knowing anything about it, just make fun of that country and its people.
For the future, I'll give you some other countries with vaguely-familiar names you should make fun of. Let's see... Latvia - check, Kazakhstan - check; next: Armenia, Azerbaidjan, Bielorussia, Estonia, Georgia, Kirghizistan, Lituania, Moldavia, Ouzbekistan, Tadjikistan, Turkmenistan, Ukrainia. I assure you most people have no idea what's going on in those countries, so you can make up anything! Think of the possibilities!
Check it, my grandad is latvian and his name is janus, just like the joke says, and even though some of these might be funny I'm not sure why the grammar is so broken.
I am Latvian, and these jokes are hilarious! We don't have a silly Borat accent, by the way. Our English is also way nicer than the Polish or Lithuanian variants.
Some of these jokes are actually authentic. Hahaha!
Well, i dont know why the language is so freakin mistaken and broken, first of all the jokes are not that way and their stupid.. well some were. but not all of them... I dont get the thing with the potatoes ?? wtf?? Danish are the potatoe heads anyway :D
wow! at least some people always find some new stupid stereotype to ridicule; even if they have to invent one. - The writers of this piece of s_hit should maybe think about what this says about them.
Russian woman goes to USA to find a husband. She comes back without one. Her mother ask why did you not find a man, she answers "I found lots but they were all gay homosexuals."
True story!
First of all Latvians are probalbly the one nation that has no stupid accent speaking english or german languages. So we do not use "is" before adjective, but "it's" just as any native speaker.
Well even though single jokes are funny I cannot see how they relate to latvians enough. So this whole "joke" pretty much fails.
I was expecting something better (I like to laugh even at my own country if it's worth it). I was expecting something like Borat for Kazakhstan. Unfourtunately you lack skills to be funny or creative. Even when given such an easy topic as self-made stereotypes.
I shared them with a friend from Latvia and she thought they were VERY funny. Only she said "It is the Ukrainians who like potatoes. Latvians like black peas."
And she is a brilliant computer programmer, who has been in America for many, many years and still says some adorably incorrect things when speaking English.
these jokes are fucking hilarious. although latvian chicks are fucking hot as hell, latvians have been screwed over by nazi's and russians for years which is why these jokes are so dry and influenced by opression. anyone whos ever been to lativa can find these even funnier than those who havent. i have a ukranian friend and her jokes are alomst the fucking same:
a wolf goes up to a little bunny and says to the bunny, "give me a blowjob" bunny says, "i dont know how" wolf says, "do it however you know how" bunny goes, "CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP"
Some of you need to wash the sand out of your vaginas. If you can't grasp dark comedy, at least try to see the ironic humour in reinforcing false stereotypes. I swear that some people actually enjoy being offended. nobody is expecting you to like this, just stop treating it like hate-speech. its not. its just a really funny attempt at a pisstake.
Imagine how dull the world would be if humour had to be politically correct.
(57 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
February 10th, 2009 at 11:50 am
That was fucking hilarious!
February 11th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Is make me laugh very much
February 10th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
I laughed pretty hard at some of them, and I'm not sure why, but I think it has something to do with me going to hell.
February 10th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
This is one of those things that are better spoken, not read.
February 10th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Two Latvian walk into bar. One get broken nose, other break teeth. No damage to bar.
February 10th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
too bad Sacha Baron Cohen has already done this joke.... better.
February 10th, 2009 at 01:19 pm
Too bad you suck.
February 10th, 2009 at 03:11 pm
I second that notion.
February 10th, 2009 at 09:54 pm
third
February 11th, 2009 at 10:25 am
fourth. stupid jew.
February 11th, 2009 at 11:02 am
check mate
February 11th, 2009 at 02:11 pm
C-C-Combo breaker!
February 10th, 2009 at 01:25 pm
Where the fuck is Latvia?
February 10th, 2009 at 03:10 pm
Bloody brilliant.
February 10th, 2009 at 03:07 pm
I enjoyed many of them.
And oldy but a goodie.
Two Latvians stand on bridge away from all others. First Latvian make sure no one can hear, say "What do you think of the new regime?" Second Latvian look to make sure no one can hear, say "I think about new regime same as you think about new regime." First Latvian say "In that case, I arrest you in the name of the State."
February 10th, 2009 at 03:16 pm
And now that I think of it...
Q: Why do Latvian Security Police always travel in threes?
A: One can read. One can write. One must keep watch on the two intellectuals.
February 10th, 2009 at 05:47 pm
Is most funny jokes me here in many long time!!
February 10th, 2009 at 06:24 pm
I haven't laughed this hard at anything on this website in awhile.
February 10th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Agreed !
February 10th, 2009 at 07:38 pm
Yawn.
February 10th, 2009 at 09:55 pm
In soviet Russia, joke is on you!
February 11th, 2009 at 02:45 am
haha...funny and soooooooooo true...:)
February 11th, 2009 at 09:42 am
Recipe for so-called humour:
1. Find a small country that most Americans barely know of and most certainly couldn't locate on a map if their life depended on it. Preferably an ex-Russian state.
2. Without knowing anything about it, just make fun of that country and its people.
For the future, I'll give you some other countries with vaguely-familiar names you should make fun of. Let's see... Latvia - check, Kazakhstan - check; next: Armenia, Azerbaidjan, Bielorussia, Estonia, Georgia, Kirghizistan, Lituania, Moldavia, Ouzbekistan, Tadjikistan, Turkmenistan, Ukrainia. I assure you most people have no idea what's going on in those countries, so you can make up anything! Think of the possibilities!
February 11th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Recipe for wasted comments on a site called "Holy Taco"
Read above.
February 11th, 2009 at 03:23 pm
stfu
February 11th, 2009 at 09:29 pm
Moldava... say it with me now... Moldava... Moldavia does not exist anymore.
Look what I found in the internet!!!
"An initially independent and later autonomous state, it existed from the 14th century to 1859."
Just thought you might like to know. :)
February 15th, 2009 at 03:58 am
tadjmanian devils
July 30th, 2009 at 01:43 am
actually its Republic of Moldova
February 11th, 2009 at 11:08 am
is make me laugh very much
February 11th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Latvians don't sound like Borat, believe it or not.
February 11th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Check it, my grandad is latvian and his name is janus, just like the joke says, and even though some of these might be funny I'm not sure why the grammar is so broken.
February 11th, 2009 at 01:20 pm
Hilarious. The last one is the best.
February 11th, 2009 at 01:50 pm
I am Latvian, and these jokes are hilarious! We don't have a silly Borat accent, by the way. Our English is also way nicer than the Polish or Lithuanian variants.
Some of these jokes are actually authentic. Hahaha!
February 11th, 2009 at 02:45 pm
these are not jokes.. some kind of nonesense.. i don't see what so funny... has nothing to do with Latvians
February 11th, 2009 at 02:52 pm
This site is full of crap, I wonder who is behind the prejudice?
February 11th, 2009 at 04:08 pm
cib3k - Since when do jokes have to be nice or factual? Why don't you go write a poem and sip a fucking chai tea, you pseudo intellectual prick?
February 12th, 2009 at 05:25 am
second
February 11th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Well, i dont know why the language is so freakin mistaken and broken, first of all the jokes are not that way and their stupid.. well some were. but not all of them... I dont get the thing with the potatoes ?? wtf?? Danish are the potatoe heads anyway :D
February 12th, 2009 at 12:26 am
oh my people!!
February 12th, 2009 at 03:55 am
wow! at least some people always find some new stupid stereotype to ridicule; even if they have to invent one. - The writers of this piece of s_hit should maybe think about what this says about them.
February 12th, 2009 at 04:21 am
Russian woman goes to USA to find a husband. She comes back without one. Her mother ask why did you not find a man, she answers "I found lots but they were all gay homosexuals."
True story!
February 12th, 2009 at 04:31 am
Huh... I've been mocking Latvia for years - everyone knows that they have a thing for onions, not potatoes.
February 12th, 2009 at 05:34 am
potato walks on the street sees a latvian and starts to run, its not about loughing its about a cruel war.
February 12th, 2009 at 06:45 am
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha. stupid latvians!!!
February 12th, 2009 at 09:56 am
First of all Latvians are probalbly the one nation that has no stupid accent speaking english or german languages. So we do not use "is" before adjective, but "it's" just as any native speaker.
Well even though single jokes are funny I cannot see how they relate to latvians enough. So this whole "joke" pretty much fails.
I was expecting something better (I like to laugh even at my own country if it's worth it). I was expecting something like Borat for Kazakhstan. Unfourtunately you lack skills to be funny or creative. Even when given such an easy topic as self-made stereotypes.
February 12th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Oh please! Lighten up.
I shared them with a friend from Latvia and she thought they were VERY funny. Only she said "It is the Ukrainians who like potatoes. Latvians like black peas."
And she is a brilliant computer programmer, who has been in America for many, many years and still says some adorably incorrect things when speaking English.
February 12th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
The Latvian am so stupid! Not grow enough potato. I are luck not be Latvia.
February 12th, 2009 at 04:35 pm
Latvia, isn't that under direct control from Latveria the homeland of Dr. Doom.
February 13th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
these jokes are fucking hilarious. although latvian chicks are fucking hot as hell, latvians have been screwed over by nazi's and russians for years which is why these jokes are so dry and influenced by opression. anyone whos ever been to lativa can find these even funnier than those who havent. i have a ukranian friend and her jokes are alomst the fucking same:
a wolf goes up to a little bunny and says to the bunny, "give me a blowjob" bunny says, "i dont know how" wolf says, "do it however you know how" bunny goes, "CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP"
February 13th, 2009 at 03:21 pm
Some of you need to wash the sand out of your vaginas. If you can't grasp dark comedy, at least try to see the ironic humour in reinforcing false stereotypes. I swear that some people actually enjoy being offended. nobody is expecting you to like this, just stop treating it like hate-speech. its not. its just a really funny attempt at a pisstake.
Imagine how dull the world would be if humour had to be politically correct.
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