It’s not everyday you get sent a partial compendium of Latvian humor jokes, but today is my lucky day.
Chris Connolly and
Ky Henderson, who have proclaimed themselves the "Ministers of Latvian Humorological Joke Society of Latvia," were kind enough to send HolyTaco some of Latvia’s most well-loved jokes. And as you’ll be able to see, the Latvians really love a good joke.
Joke:
Latvian: Is so cold.
All: How cold is?
Latvian: Very. Also dark.
Joke:
Three men are in ship. One Latvian, one Russian, one Lithuanian. Lithuanian take out one bottle wodka. Russian kill Lithuanian, then drink wodka. Then Latvian wait until Russian drink self to sleep, then kill. Is end.
Joke:
A fishmonger says to a bootblack, "Are there any more potato left?" Bootblack says, "Yes, one. But it has gone bad." The fishmonger says, "I am very hungry. I have not eaten for three days. I shall eat it, even if it makes me very ill." And bootblack says, "I did not speak truth. In reality, there is no food left. You shall go hungry yet another day, my friend."
Joke:
Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have sent Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.
Joke:
Janis: I hope my son does not die during night.
Guntis: What is "hope"?
Janis: Yes. I know what you say.
Guntis: No. I am serious. What is hope?
Janis: In truth, I do not know.
Joke:
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Latvian.
Latvian who?
Please open door. Is cold.
Joke:
Latvian walk into bar with poodle under one arm and salami under other. Eat salami first.
Joke:
How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
Only one. Obtain light bulb is hard part. You have potato?
Joke:
Latvian is rub lamp find genii. Genii say, “What is three wishes?” Latvian say, “I wish potato!” Then, POOF! Potato! Latvian so happy! “Oh! Is potato! Is potato!” say Latvian. Genii ask, “What is next wish?” Latvian is say, “I wish you go away so can enjoy potato!” POOF! Too bad. Also, was only lamp.
Joke:
What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
Joke:
Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier.
Joke:
How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
Joke:
Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian. “Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!” Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.” “Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad.
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First of all Latvians are probalbly the one nation that has no stupid accent speaking english or german languages. So we do not use “is” before adjective, but “it’s” just as any native speaker.
Well even though single jokes are funny I cannot see how they relate to latvians enough. So this whole “joke” pretty much fails.
I was expecting something better (I like to laugh even at my own country if it’s worth it). I was expecting something like Borat for Kazakhstan. Unfourtunately you lack skills to be funny or creative. Even when given such an easy topic as self-made stereotypes.
haha…funny and soooooooooo true…:)
Well, i dont know why the language is so freakin mistaken and broken, first of all the jokes are not that way and their stupid.. well some were. but not all of them… I dont get the thing with the potatoes ?? wtf?? Danish are the potatoe heads anyway
I haven’t laughed this hard at anything on this website in awhile.
Recipe for so-called humour:
1. Find a small country that most Americans barely know of and most certainly couldn’t locate on a map if their life depended on it. Preferably an ex-Russian state.
2. Without knowing anything about it, just make fun of that country and its people.
For the future, I’ll give you some other countries with vaguely-familiar names you should make fun of. Let’s see… Latvia – check, Kazakhstan – check; next: Armenia, Azerbaidjan, Bielorussia, Estonia, Georgia, Kirghizistan, Lituania, Moldavia, Ouzbekistan, Tadjikistan, Turkmenistan, Ukrainia. I assure you most people have no idea what’s going on in those countries, so you can make up anything! Think of the possibilities!
potato walks on the street sees a latvian and starts to run, its not about loughing its about a cruel war.
stfu
Recipe for wasted comments on a site called “Holy Taco”
Read above.
Hilarious. The last one is the best.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha. stupid latvians!!!
Check it, my grandad is latvian and his name is janus, just like the joke says, and even though some of these might be funny I’m not sure why the grammar is so broken.
Agreed !
Is most funny jokes me here in many long time!!
Oh please! Lighten up.
I shared them with a friend from Latvia and she thought they were VERY funny. Only she said “It is the Ukrainians who like potatoes. Latvians like black peas.”
And she is a brilliant computer programmer, who has been in America for many, many years and still says some adorably incorrect things when speaking English.
wow! at least some people always find some new stupid stereotype to ridicule; even if they have to invent one. – The writers of this piece of s_hit should maybe think about what this says about them.
is make me laugh very much
Huh… I’ve been mocking Latvia for years – everyone knows that they have a thing for onions, not potatoes.
Latvia, isn’t that under direct control from Latveria the homeland of Dr. Doom.
This site is full of crap, I wonder who is behind the prejudice?
Russian woman goes to USA to find a husband. She comes back without one. Her mother ask why did you not find a man, she answers “I found lots but they were all gay homosexuals.”
True story!
Latvians don’t sound like Borat, believe it or not.
I am Latvian, and these jokes are hilarious! We don’t have a silly Borat accent, by the way. Our English is also way nicer than the Polish or Lithuanian variants.
Some of these jokes are actually authentic. Hahaha!
these are not jokes.. some kind of nonesense.. i don’t see what so funny… has nothing to do with Latvians
tadjmanian devils
oh my people!!
cib3k – Since when do jokes have to be nice or factual? Why don’t you go write a poem and sip a fucking chai tea, you pseudo intellectual prick?
In soviet Russia, joke is on you!
Yawn.
Moldava… say it with me now… Moldava… Moldavia does not exist anymore.
Look what I found in the internet!!!
“An initially independent and later autonomous state, it existed from the 14th century to 1859.”
Just thought you might like to know.
second
The Latvian am so stupid! Not grow enough potato. I are luck not be Latvia.
actually its Republic of Moldova
these jokes are fucking hilarious. although latvian chicks are fucking hot as hell, latvians have been screwed over by nazi’s and russians for years which is why these jokes are so dry and influenced by opression. anyone whos ever been to lativa can find these even funnier than those who havent. i have a ukranian friend and her jokes are alomst the fucking same:
a wolf goes up to a little bunny and says to the bunny, “give me a blowjob” bunny says, “i dont know how” wolf says, “do it however you know how” bunny goes, “CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP”
check mate
fourth. stupid jew.
I second that notion.
C-C-Combo breaker!
third
Bloody brilliant.
It make me bored.Like my father call me this morning to kill the little fish kids.I can’t put my finger in its stomach.SSS
And now that I think of it…
Q: Why do Latvian Security Police always travel in threes?
A: One can read. One can write. One must keep watch on the two intellectuals.
This one was really good
But i didn’t like the ones posted previously, maybe only 2 of them were a bit funny…
p.s. I’m Latvian
That was fucking hilarious!
Is make me laugh very much
shut your fucking russian oral hole ( if you doesn’t understood what is oral hole, then you need to know it is your fucking mouth) and go give some nigger anal sex (fuck you).
It’s Ukraine not Ukrainia and, if I didn’t think they’d get me fired, I’d use some of these jokes to end my Cold War unit next week. “But all are feel sad” FTW.
Too bad you suck.
too bad Sacha Baron Cohen has already done this joke…. better.
A.. I know one
One Armenian comes to a market and say – I sell this good dinja (a watermelon) for 300 armenian money.
The second Armenian come and say – I buy it. But only with your wife.
High five. This great movie joke. Nice.
they never found body of the first armenian. Great success.
You sir…are a homo. HUMOR!
Some of you need to wash the sand out of your vaginas. If you can’t grasp dark comedy, at least try to see the ironic humour in reinforcing false stereotypes. I swear that some people actually enjoy being offended. nobody is expecting you to like this, just stop treating it like hate-speech. its not. its just a really funny attempt at a pisstake.
Imagine how dull the world would be if humour had to be politically correct.
I enjoyed many of them.
And oldy but a goodie.
Two Latvians stand on bridge away from all others. First Latvian make sure no one can hear, say “What do you think of the new regime?” Second Latvian look to make sure no one can hear, say “I think about new regime same as you think about new regime.” First Latvian say “In that case, I arrest you in the name of the State.”
I laughed pretty hard at some of them, and I’m not sure why, but I think it has something to do with me going to hell.
This is one of those things that are better spoken, not read.
The bootblack/fishmonger one is great. I’m using that saying on my kids when I steal their snacks.
It sure is, fag.
Two Latvian walk into bar. One get broken nose, other break teeth. No damage to bar.
Where the fuck is Latvia?
I thought they were very funny. I don’t get the SS poster at the header though?
i havent heared even one of these jokes.
and the english usage ir terrable.
latvian real humor is to take someone down by words.
It is very specific and not lot people could understand it.