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Pejazzling: Now Men Can Encrust Their Genitals With Jewels

disco-ball

Hey, you remember that trend from a year ago or something where like chicks would bedazzle their vaginas and what not? Vajazzeling? It was the trend that no actual women took part in because they don’t want to accidentally hot glue their vaginas shut? Yeah, well, it kinda just got out of hand. And by that I mean someone wants to slather penises in diamonds so they can shimmer and look like it just sneezed an arts and crafts class.

It appears that men have been demanding their own set of jewels to encrust on their penises, possibly in an attempt to blind sexual partners so thoroughly with its glimmer they won’t be able to tell that the dick isn’t so much the priceless staff of a king as it is a fish stick that was dragged through the sparkly cleavage of a particularly desperate stripper.

Some of the most popular styles include the iron cross…

Pejazzling Iron Cross

…which is only bedazzled on to penises that have shown bravery in battle….

A strange swirly diamond configuration made of diamonds…

Pejazzling Diamond

…which allows your penis to look like one of those spinning vortexes of madness people in movies tend to fall in to as they’re surrounded by mathematical equations, all-seeing eyes and clocks.

And finally, one of them most popular Pejazzeling styles is the ruby red set of lips…

Pejazzling Lips

…that can make your penis look like a kissed seal on a sensual love letter from a femme fatale named Gretta, who’s a mob boss’ wife but can’t stop herself from falling in love with you, John Kowalski, P.I. (Your name is John and you are a private investigator).

Personally, if I ever feel up for gluing some jewels to my junk I’m going to combine all three styles in to this…

Pejazzling Clown

…to give the illusion that a clown is slowly pushing itself out of my penis.

3 Responses to "Pejazzling: Now Men Can Encrust Their Genitals With Jewels"

  1. DonkeyXote says:

    Should come in handy when covering up herpes and whatnot.