Polar Bears Have Finally Gone Crazy

CNN reported recently that Polar Bears have become cannibalistic due to a lack of food in their rapidly depleting environment:

“Scientists have noticed increasing reports of starving Arctic polar bears attacking and feeding on one another in recent years… in northern Alaska, a male bear broke into a female’s den and killed her.”

That’s a crazy-ass Polar Bear. Breaking and entering? Murder? Cannibalism? There’s only one clear solution: The other, more sane Polar Bears need to catch this particularly crazy Polar Bear and contain him in a maximum security facility, because in a couple of years there’s going to be a huge Polar Bear murdering mystery case, and one clever Polar Bear criminal psychologist is going to have to call on the macabre expertise of the Crazy Cannibal Polar Bear to help solve the crime and save Polar Bear lives (unless they’re driven to extinction first).