I’m sorry. This…this is a tough article to write, you guys. For a whole 72 days, all was right with the world, with the possible exception of all the things that have been royally screwed up for years and years. For a whole 72 days Kim Kardashian and some basketball player guy were married, and this allowed the rest of us to breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that everything was going to be okay.
But then this morning, the bombshell was dropped: Kim Kardashian and that basketball player guy were getting a divorce. You, like us, were no doubt crushed by this news. In this day and age, 72 days is like five lifetimes. Day 1 through 20 must have been magical for them. But then came the most trying time of any marriage – days 20 through 43, when your looks start to fade, the bills start to pile up, and the brood of children that you’ve been raising since day 15 start to ware on you. And then came days 43-61, when we all start to second guess our love for our significant other, as we begin planning for retirement and experience a mid-life crisis. But, as we all know, if you can make it pasted day 61, your relationship is strong and will last forever. Kim and that basketball player guy, they had something special. What they had was magical. They made it a whole 72 days. That has to mean something. To put it in to perspective, in that time a dictator was killed, protests erupted all over the world, and ABC’s Charlie’s Angels reboot aired 2 episodes before it was canceled. In other words, the world changed forever.
This is a sad day for us all. On the bright side, though, the ending of this marriage will allow the ever-growing brood of Kardashian siblings and children to enter the public eye, now that a 6 foot 9 inch basketball player is out of the picture. The spotlight will finally be shined on the lesser known Kardahsians, such as Kindy, Kecil, Kyrus, Kachel, Kennifer, Kilary, Karbara, Kanet, Kartholomew, KBarry, Klugman, and Jerry.
Seeing as the world is trying to find some way to cope with this tragic divorce, we’ve decided to create a classy pie chart to help us all better understand Kim’s divorce from what’s-his-face.