Explore Holy Taco

Even If I Won The Powerball, I’d Still Do The Following Poor Person Things:

So, someone in Connecticut (who has yet to be identified) is the big winner of $245 Million dollars. That’s a crap-ton of money no matter who you are or what state you live in. You know what my income was last year? I’m too embarrassed to give you an exact number. Point being, $245 Million is enough to completely turn someone’s life around.

That right there is the problem. When broke people (most people who play the lottery) suddenly come into a huge pile of money, they generally lose their damn minds. Their lives change completely from top to bottom. I’m sure we’ve all seen the last season of Roseanne, when the Connor’s win the lottery. That’s why it’s important to maintain your poor-person sensibilities and habits, no matter what kind of incredibly awesome financial situation you find yourself in. If won the $245 million powerball, my life would change quite a bit, but I’d still maintain my broke-dude habits. You know, just to stay grounded.

I’d still eat a lot of hot dogs.

Powerball or no powerball, I’m putting down like ten franks a week. I’ve known for years that they’re incredibly bad for me. But they’re incredibly cheap, and they stop the hunger pains. They also go really well with other poor-people foods like macaroni and cheese. By avoiding developing a taste for the finer things, I’ll be able to rise above being awesomely rich.

I’d still shop at Costco.

But now, instead of jamming eighteen months worth of paper towels into every crevice of my kitchen cabinets, I’d put them in the storage shed out back. It’s all about buying in bulk, and with all that money, I’d be able to buy in even more bulk.

I’d still ride the bus.

Most people despise riding the bus. The cast of characters you generally meet riding the bus can’t be found anywhere else. And you can always rely on them to keep you humble, and make you feel grateful for being super freaking rich.

I’d still go six miles out of my way to avoid ATM surcharges.

Sure, it only costs like an extra buck or two to use an ATM that’s not from your bank, but that adds up over time. And I’m probably going to be hitting up the ATM a lot, and taking cash out so I can make it rain wherever I go.

I’d still wash my clothes at my sister’s house.

Look, just because I’m a millionare, doesn’t mean I have to spend ten bucks a week at the laundromat, or worse yet, on a laundry service. My sister’s place has free washers and dryers. I mean, I’m sure she pays for it, but it’s free for me.

0 Responses to "Even If I Won The Powerball, I’d Still Do The Following Poor Person Things:"