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Rainn Wilson vs John Mayer: Missing the Bigger Picture

mayer rainn wilson

John Mayer, who is apparently the stalwart guardian of comedy, has called out and publicly shamed Rainn Wilson for joke thievery. The joke? An unfunny image posted to some dude’s Twitter account of an iPhone inbox (we’ll be stealing it next week once it’s been forgotten so it’ll seem fresh again when we do it). The crime? Posting it to a Posterous account without a stitch of shame as though it were his own. As if the ASPCA think Wilson himself is amazing. The ASPCA doesn’t hand out such accolades lightly. This reeks of chicanery.

Mayer, who as near as we can tell divides his time three ways now – protecting humor the world round, saying f*cktarded shit in interviews, and writing music that sounds the way Amy Winehouse must look naked, made the stunning Columbo revelation on his tumblr site. The only thing every side has in common? Blogging. The midway through this article conclusion? The blogosphere is some kind of plagiarism engine of terror. Let’s look into this further.

What is the Blogosophere?

blogosphere

As near as we can figure, that shit’s a made up word. But it seems to have something to do with slef importance and the ability for any housewife, serial killer or religious zealot to set up shop in a corner of the internet and start sharing their opinions on Barack Obama, the Disney Channel and fast food gluttony. If you’ve never heard a serial killer’s opinion a McChicken, you’re really missing out.

What Happens There?

harassment

As we perused sites like Tumblr, Myspace (which was awesome!), Facebook, and Twitter, we stumbled upon Darth Vader’s Twitter account and one of our intern’s literally shit a brick. An actual brick. He has a mental condition and tried to have sex with a brick, it’s disturbing. But of more relevance right now is that Darth Vader has a Twitter account? How can that be? Isn’t he from a long time ago in a galaxy far far away? And isn’t Twitter from like 2006 or something?

Three private detectives and 1/3 of our yearly budget later we realized that Darth Vader doesn’t have a Twitter account and this is straight up bullshit. What else was going on out there? Turns out the Joker, Jesus Christ and Ashton Kutcher all have Twitter accounts too. There isn’t a goddamn real person on that site. You know all that shit Justin Halpern’s dad said? We have some serious doubts.

Through the Looking Glass

monocle cat

In a more harrowing turn of evens, it looks like Carlos Mencia is all over the goddamn internet. In fact, he pops up 681,000 times if you Google him. And he steals jokes the way Justin Bieber steals hearts. Is it possible the internet is nothing but a depraved den on inequity populated by shady thieves and ladies whose legs don’t close in a discreet manner?

Al Capone – 1.9 million hits
Bonny and Clyde – 10.3 million hits
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid – 625,000 hits
The Italian job – 42.7 million hits
Danny Ocean – 464,000 hits
Ebaumsworld – 35 million hits

Dag, yo!

Moving Forward

pulling truck

John Mayer, we apologize for just blowing your mind. Because we did. In fact, after he posted about Rainn Wilson stealing that joke, someone else probably posted that same blog entry on their blog. And maybe someone else took it from there and posted it again. And by this time next year, Rainn Wilson probably will be John Mayer and Carlos Mencia will be Ebaum and Holy Taco will be a restaurant in Georgia. That’s how absolutely mad this whole internet theft ring is. That’s what everyone’s missing out on. Good God, pray all that Rainn Wilson does is steal that one unfunny image. Lord knows what happens if the rest of the cast of the Office gets their hands on your social security number. Before you know it they’re stealing your grandma’s pension and you’re Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men.

Bless you, John Mayer. Bless you for blowing the lid off this crazy thievery scheme the internet has going. And may God have mercy on the rest of us.Here’s hoping BestWeekEver doesn’t realize we stole our header image from them.

5 Responses to "Rainn Wilson vs John Mayer: Missing the Bigger Picture"

  1. Bob says:

    It was alredy stolen from a photoshop contest at Cracked.com from a while ago.

  2. Ian Fortey says:
    Cracked?  Is that some kind of funny site?
  3. Jo Davis says:

    Oh wow, that actually makes a LOT of sense dude.

    Lou
    http://www.anonymous-surfing.es.tc

  4. Anony says:

    nope. cracked.com isn’t a funny site at all. I hear it’s scientific and full of real facts.. :)

  5. Jennifer Leigh says:

    I can’t wait until John Mayer sues little kids for stealing his knock knock jokes…