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Random Thoughts On 2008

wal mart shopping bag suit
2008 was a weird year. A lot of good stuff happened (new president). And a lot of bad stuff happened (you have no more money). But along the way, this year has caused us to wonder about what all these life-changing news stories have meant to us. Here are a few of our random thoughts on the year that was.
The mortgage crisis wouldn’t sound so bad if we called them “foreskinclosures.”
If we put a photo of two dudes doing it on our currency 100 years ago, I bet no one would care about gay marriage today.
I hope now that Tom Cruise and Will Smith are great friends, Tom Cruise allows Will Smith to be present during the birth of their second child, and when the child comes out of Katie Holmes vagina, Will smith punches it in the face and says "welcome to Earth."
My grandfather told me he thought he’d never live to see a black man become elected president. And he didn’t, he died four years ago.

Of all the things that are considered “recession proof”, I think boobs will always be number one.
Now that the campaign is over, I bet John McCain is happy he can go back to using the phrase “goddamn gooks” on a regular basis.
Watching golf without Tiger Woods is kind of like watching Sarah Palin without her holding her retarded child: It’s still interesting to watch, but you lose that feeling that at any moment, something really unpredictable could happen.
There were a lot of babies and animals born this year with two heads or faces.  I hope someone is keeping track of that, so that in a couple years there’ll be a really cool pie chart in the USA Today about it.
I think if the Detroit auto industry wants to become profitable, it should take their bailout money and use it to make one super awesome car that knows how to count cards during a black jack game.
I wish Jesus had been born in Qualcomm stadium San Diego, so that Jews would move there, and then Palestinian militants could blow it up and the chargers could get a new stadium.
I wonder if shit comes out of Usain Bolt’s asshole faster than anyone else’s. I also wonder if he lifts his arms before he’s completely done shitting.
I think the only way this economy could be worse is if it starred Nicholas Cage.
I can’t tell if black people or white people would be angrier if Barack appointed Flavor Flav to his cabinet as “Secretary of the Blacks.”
I’ve seen more petitions and energy spent on the upcoming “The Watchmen” movie than I have about universal health care or feeding hungry children. If they were smart, the hungry children would make a limited-edition comic about how hungry they are.

7 Responses to "Random Thoughts On 2008"

  1. Baked Potato says:

    Perhaps for the duration of 2009, you should continually talk about Qualcomm stadium as a symbol of American pride and power. Given the number of times Osama bin Laden has appeared on this blog, I’m sure he’ll take note, and maybe his next target will be Qualcomm stadium….because your Jesus scenario is completely unrealistic since we all know there’s no way to travel back in time.

  2. sam says:

    Must have been seemen??? seamen???? sperm, you are a dominatrix right?

  3. Dom says:

    I almost shot milk through my nose on the Will Smith comment, except I wasn’t drinking any milk.

  4. wisdom says:

    I would like the chargers to get a new stadium so we can keep them and I wont regret the Bolt tattoo i got yesterday…

  5. Cartman says:


  6. Anonymous says:

    I McDigging Walmart’s new spring line

  7. Jordan says:

    I’m really not attracted to the anime girl below with the size Z boobs.