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Resolved Questions: Cat Pee

Resolved Questions

Today’s Question comes to us from Yahoo! Answers user Carter Mania. Carter Mania writes:

Question

Best answer from a Yahoo! Answers user: “if the cat has ever peed on you, feel free”

Hello, Carter Mania. To answer your questions directly, no. No, it is not wrong to urinate on your girlfriend’s cat when it lightly brushes up on your legs while you’re in the bathroom. You are merely expressing your tumultuous internal struggle between your emotions and the feline race. We’re afraid the reason for this isn’t very clear cut, though, for the cause of your need to soak a feline in your yellow bodily waste could be rooted in many bad memories in your mind. For example, if, when you were young, your parents could not afford a toilet and you were left with no other alternative than to cop all of your squats in a litter box that was designed for one cat, and not a family of four humans that enjoy Indian food and cabbage, then it’s only logical that you would – without proper therapy – grow in to a man that feels he must protect his designated waste depository from cats and other creatures that wish to use it.

In other words, and much like last week’s question about a barking vagina, this is really all about territorial urination. When that cat brushes up on you when you’re using the potty, it sends signals to your brain that suggest you take a fighting stance, rip the porcelain lid off of the toilet tank, wrap the shower curtain around your neck, and defend your shitter with your very life. It also prepares you for your death and immediate ascension in to Valhalla for the purpose of fighting an eternal war, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s in Valhalla, to be exact.

Valhalla

Anyway, getting over this instinct can be a bit of a chore, but with some hard work, you can calm yourself in to being just a regular person that doesn’t feel the need to humiliate animals in bathrooms. We know of a rehabilitation clinic in Arizona that specializes in curing people of their most primal and primitive instincts that don’t mesh well with modern society. The place is called Solstice, and they have a pretty amazing track record. They once wiped a shark’s bloodlust clean from its mind so it could swim with tourists at a Bahamas beach resort. The number of vicious vivisections by the end of the shark’s first year fell well below the resort’s projected estimates.
 
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6 Responses to "Resolved Questions: Cat Pee"

  1. 00kla the M0k says:

    Stop now. That cats gonna swipe yer junk.

  2. Anonymous IV says:

    Either that, or it’ll bite it off.

  3. cupping_balls says:

    Yea, maybe.

  4. Mel Gibson says:

    Anytime you whip your dick out your bitch’s mouth should be around it. Peeing on the cat is letting the slut off easy. I’d gut the cat then piss on it. And if it’s a siamese cat I’d rape it first.

  5. Tiger Woods says:

    LULZ!

  6. Smartass says:

    Pee on your girlfriend instead. Wipe it off with the cat.