Today’s question from to us from Yahoo! Answers user (no name supplied). This random person with no name asks:
It is said that revenge is a dish best served cold, perhaps with nice side of asparagus to make your enemy’s pee smell funny. This, person with no name, is precisely how one should react: revenge. Yes, you can attempt to beat up your father for betraying your trust, but where’s that going to get you? In prison? In traction, because unless your father is on his death bed there will never be away to beat him up with your fists before he beats you with his? No, violence is not the game one should play here. Take it from me; I have years of experience involving relatives seducing and impregnating my former lovers. My family reunions look like a nightmare filled with every bad relationship mistake I’ve ever made.
So the simple solution here is to get back at your father in a way that will really hit home: have sex with his wife. Your father loved his wife so much that he married her and committed to a life-long partnership. Even if the two are divorced he will probably still harbor some feelings for her, so why not trample all of those feelings by putting your penis in to them and swirling it around a bit? Of course, this brings up the concept of incest, which some, if not a vast majority of people, have a problem with. But this is a matter of revenge and you are currently engaged in an epic blood feud – there is no such thing as a line of decency or honor or respect that cannot and should not be crossed. So go ahead and take a shot at mom.
Moms are a fairly simple people to seduce, particularly if the seducer is the mom’s child. Inherent within the mother-child relationship is love. Boom! That’s like 8 or 9 steps of the process knocked out right off the bat. If one were attempting to sell mother-child seduction on a late night TV infomercial, the Slap Chop guy or Billy Mays’ skinny friend with an accent would constantly remind you about how much time and energy having love pre-installed in the process saves – and what a value! Play up your mom’s motherly instincts. Act helpless. Be venerable. Ask for a bottle of mammary milk every so often to test the waters a bit before you jump in headfirst. After she’s kissed a few of your boo-boos and rocked you to sleep at night, all you have to do is buy her one of those things that mothers love – those shitty packs of stickers of the entire family that she can stick on the rear window of her Rav4, a new Swiffer – and then all the ground work has been laid. You are ready to lay the smack down on her reproductive system. And do so with nothing bunch vengeance on your mind. You’ll have to. It’s the only way you’ll get through it. You’re banging your mom, for Christ’s sake.
After that, the rest is super simple. Just inform your father that you had sex with his wife, aka your mom. Bring panties as evidence, you may or may not choose to wear them on your face like a surgical mask as you tell your father the exciting news. That’s up to you, and it’s only if you really want to add another level of disturbing that will make for an excellent story that morning radio “zoo crew”-style DJs will use to kill a few minutes of air time, with the proper sound effects added to the telling of the story to punctuate the inherent incestiness. Of course, you may have to dodge a few thrown bottles and a knife or two, so watch out for those. But keep this in mind: the bouncers frisk you before you hit the Jerry Springer stage that you will most certainly be on one day if you do indeed follow through with this plan. (And why wouldn’t you? At that point it’s basically like the Springer producers paid you to bang your mom). Yeah, they want to reach their target demo of familial fornicators and chronic meth users, but they certainly don’t want to attract that kind of sick, low-class audience that’s looking for blood.
I Hope I’ve Helped!