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Resolved Questions: Running a train

Train in tunnel

Today’s question comes to us from Yahoo! Answer’s user Kelsy. Kelsy writes:

 

Yahoo Answers

Best answer from a Yahoo! Answers user: “i here it all the time from my brother and his friends”

Kelsy, there’s no need to get all up in arms about your fiancé’s friend’s text. I know, when you’re in the lead up to the big wedding day every little thing can seem like a problem of grave importance that can potentially tear apart a relationship. But, thankfully, this isn’t one of those moments. Of course I know nothing about this other girl, but I am willing to assume, with confidence, that the woman in question is a conductor of trains, maintaining train schedules and overseeing the shoveling of coal in to the fire pit. To “run a train” on a girl, or any person for that matter, is simply train parlance for hitching a ride on a locomotive being run by a specific person, in this case, the girl mentioned in the text.

Female Train Conductor

Your fiancé and his male compatriots are excited to be taking a ride on a train operated by this particular girl. They simply cannot wait to stand in a line for their turn to enter this train, most likely through the caboose, which is the portion of the train reserved for men of only the highest caliber and finical standing. Men love the train’s caboose. There’s a certain primal urge men have that requires them to occasionally locate a person so adept in their train conducting skills and their willingness to take on so many brutish male passengers that many of us men will gather together and stand quietly for a number of minuets, maybe occasionally offering words of encouragement like “Yeah, ride that bitch” or “Suck it all in. The air, that is,” until the man currently enjoying the elation of the caboose reaches the moment of climax – climax inside of the caboose. Then, the next man in line squeezes himself in to the caboose and basks in the natural fragrance of the woman’s caboose which, by now, contains notes of the previous man’s natural musk as well. Although, there is a bit of a problem with hobos randomly hopping rides on these girl trains, stinking up the joint with their dirty bodies and general vagrancy; sullying both the overall experience and the girl herself, making all men next in line wary of sliding themselves in to the same slots as a filthy, possibly disease-riddled hobo.
 
And the experience doesn’t end there. There are other thrills involved with running a train on a girl, for instance, those few exciting moments when the train plunges in and out of a dark, cavernous tunnel. When that long train dives head first in to that large hole men are overwhelmed by a euphoric sense of accomplishment. The only thing left to do at that point is make it through to the end without becoming too excited, reaching the climax of the excitement early, which can lead to some friendly mocking from the other men.

Sexy train conductor

There is, of course, the problem of becoming overzealous with running a train on a girl and allowing everyone to enjoy the experience to the fullest. All train conductors, especially female conductors, are on a tight schedule. Showing up to the station late simply because the conductor wanted all the men to leave satisfied with the ride can lead to lateness. This late period can be cause for alarm for the conductor as train schedules have been known to back up for up to 9 months, throwing their lives completely out of whack. Before they know it, they’re demoted and are forced to take care of a much smaller train that’s mostly used to transport baggage and such. At that point, no man in his right mind will want to ride her train. There’s just too much baggage.

So, you see, Kelsy, there’s nothing to worry about. But you should be on the lookout for signs of your fiancé and his buddies taking turns having sex with the same girl, one after another. That could be disastrous.

I Hope I’ve Helped! 

2 Responses to "Resolved Questions: Running a train"

  1. Mexican Jesus says:

    Running a train on a female conductor is a great way to meet people. It wasn’t until late into one ride that I met my first wife. Although I had to wait well into the night to speak with her, I found her outgoing personality quite fetching.

  2. DonkeyXote says:

    The chooo-choooo’s a coming!!! xD