Rich Babies FTW

Have you ever seen a rich baby? I have. I’ve seen several. I live in New York City. There are a lot of rich adults here, and sometimes they breed, producing rich babies. Then their nannies take those rich babies for walks in the same parks that you hang out in. When you walk past a nanny pushing a rich baby, the situation is pretty clear: It’s not the nanny’s baby, because the nanny is usually a twenty-two year old girl, and of a different ethnicity of the baby, and the baby is being pushed in a stroller that looks more comfortable than your living room furniture. They’re dressed like really expensive teddy bears and they’re never crying.

If you’re me, you’re looking forward, your eyes notice the nanny (they’re usually insanely attractive), then you look down at the rich baby. Sometimes the rich babies are doing typical baby things like gnawing on their fingers or blowing spit bubbles. When you walk by those babies you say “Oh man, that baby’s going to have a cushy life.”, but that’s rare. More often than not, rich babies aren’t doing typical drooly baby things, they’re sitting up straight in their strollers, they have complete control of their neck muscles, and they’re looking you dead in the eye as if to say “If you get your shit together, I may one day hire you to work for my father’s company.” They stare you down like they know you eat scrambled eggs and canned vegetables three meals a day, then they take a puréed goose liver shit and blame you for the smell, using only their eyes.

I’m sure the fact that some babies can intimidate me says more about my insecurities than their unearned confidence, but whatever. When you see a toddler who will never know what it’s like to dodge his landlord, it’s a little disconcerting.

After doing some digging, I discovered that rich kids are all the rage in Russia, where rich parents spend money on $4,000 toys like ferrari pedal cars and porcelain dolls worth more than my laptop. Check out this youtube clip of rich Russian kids shopping.

And then there’s these photos of Russia’s rich kids from photographer Anna Skladmann