Richie Sambora Is Heather Locklear’s Hard Rock

People think rehab is an awesome place because celebrities go there. Rehab sucks. My cousin went to rehab for three weeks and he said he accidentally stepped in someone else’s throw up, no less than four times. He also said the only celebrity he saw was “This guy I remembered seeing on Family Feud that thought the number one answer for ‘First thing you do when you wake up in the morning’ was “look for a garage sale.” Yes, my cousin could have used daily calls from a supporting Richie Sambora, which is what Heather Locklear got. Usmagazine.com reports:

Heather Locklear‘s ex-husband Richie Sambora (who struggled with alcoholism) called her daily during her recent four-week stint in rehab for depression and anxiety

You’re probably thinking “he must have called every day because he wants to bang her.” See, I’m thinking the reason he called her every day is that she had to put up with his drunk ass for multiple years, so basically, he probably felt guilty. Like, I’m pretty sure for about 5 years, she received a drunk phone message like this one, every single night at 3 in the morning: