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Rob Zombie’s Inner Monologue While He’s In Line At The Movies

It’s always interesting to see what people are thinking while they go about their day. But since we can’t crawl inside someone’s head, it’s up to us, HolyTaco, to enlighten you on these subjects. Today, it’s Rob Zombie waiting in line at the movies.
rob zombie inner monologue
"…oh crap, I bet those guys are fans. Yeah, I can totally tell. They saw me. They’re totally pointing. Yeah, I bet they’re totally going to come over here and ask for my…oh, no, they just turned around. Whatever, that’s cool. Those dudes looked pretty lame, anyway. Probably not my fans. I’m just chilling here in line. I wonder if Four Christmases is worth seeing…shit, there is no way I can see that in the theater. I gotta watch that at home on the ol’ DVD. My fans would totally freak out if they saw me going into some flick that didn’t have, like, a billion murders in it. But that’s price I pay for being the Satanic Lord of Demon Metal. God, I wish people called me that…"
"…Popcorn is expensive. I don’t even know why I buy it here. The smell of fake butter stays in my hair for weeks and by the end of the movie I just feel nauseous. Must be all the chemicals. Sometimes I wish I could just cut all the hair off and, like, wear a T-shirt and some shorts. Just kick back on a beach or something. I got into the wrong end of the music biz. When Dave Matthews retires he can just, like, retire. But if I want to keep my cred, I’m gonna have to walk around in a chain mail suit and black mesh leggings til I’m 60. Hmm, those fans are looking at me again. I wonder if those guys really want to come over here and say hi to me, but they’re afraid I’ll cast one of my Demon spells on them. I guess my appearance can be pretty intimidating. Even to my fans. Maybe I should go say hi to them. See if they want an autograph or a picture or something…."

"…Ugh, that didn’t go well. I guess they weren’t fans after tall. They didn’t even know who I was even after I broke into the chorus of both "Living Dead Girl" and "Thunder Kiss ’65." Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit this line is taking forever…"
"…The ticket says this starts at 7:40. Let’s see here, it’s 7:40 now and I’m still standing in line. Doesn’t seem like it’s going to start at 7:40 to me. But I’m just writer/director/rocker/producer/musician/spokesperson Rob Zombie. What do I know? Look at this fatass over here. Are you having a goddamn contest to see how long it takes you to rip a ticket in half? Well, that’s the only contest you won in your entire life. I should make a movie called "Theater Of A 1,000 Corpses Who Died Cause They Were Waiting In Line Too Long." Jesus…"
"…Finally, here we go…I wonder if any of my movies will  be previewed before this. The last time that happened some dick yelled "Zombie Sucks!" and then everyone laughed. Man, I hate that shit. I don’t even think they knew I was in there. I’m just gonna sit here and eat my popcorn. God, I hate going to the movies."

8 Responses to "Rob Zombie’s Inner Monologue While He’s In Line At The Movies"

  1. Burning crosses says:

    fuck zombie fuckin rules

  2. Niles Lesh says:

    Rob Zombie ? …slow day at the ole Taco huh ?
    seriously are you out Christmas shopping with James Hetfield and let the interns post today ? …just kidding, no wait I already typed seriously so… really? …It may have been funnier with caption balloons or a completely different subject matter

  3. steve says:

    You dudes could get in trouble like that.

  4. BIGO says:

    This guy looks like he really smells…bad. Like he has random crap stuck in his hair all the time, burgerking wrappers, used condoms, pygmies etc.

  5. Pratik says:

    I can see Rob Zombie still keeping up his appearances when he’s 60, kind of like Tina Turner and Steven Tyler.

  6. Edwordrules says:

    Hey, Rob is actually a pretty cool guy, I met him before in Arizona, along with the other members of White Zombie, back in 96. You know, when their music kicked ass and didn’t sound like cheap German techno music. Dam Sean Yseult….mmmmm. I hope Rob doesn’t read this……

    “Dude, Ed’s right!! We used to freaking ROCK. Hmmmm, 96…must have been when we were touring with Pantera. Man, you know, this isn’t the first time it’s been compared to cheap German techno. Maybe Ed’s German…. unless it’s the same Ed we met in Arizona that was in love with Sean’s hair. Man I wonder what she’s up to. She was sooo freaking hott. I don’t blame Ed. At least I got…um….dam..House of a 1000 Corpses…KILLER ass…meh. I’m almost level 55 so I can make my Deathknight. Then maybe Blizzard will let me make a commercial and maybe direct it!! That’ll show Ozzy. Well back to grinding. Sheri!! That’s her name.”

  7. Jessica says:

    <3 Rob Zombie. He's so funny. I don't know that I'd recognize him at the movie theatre tho. I'd probably just mistake him for some other creepy weirdo I don't want to make eye contact with.

  8. trip580 says:

    I don’t know if you heard but Zombie blows midgets.