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Roger Goodell’s #AskCommish Hijacked Because Why Wouldn’t It Be?

To all super-rich, super-despised corporate elitists currently reading this (or more accurately, listening to your assistant read this to you while you bathe in water scented with 10,000 rose petals and just a touch of honey):

Why do you even bother with hashtag campaigns any more? Seriously, don’t you understand by now it is going to explode in your face within nanoseconds? Exposing Scooby-Doo monsters as greedy old people occurs with less regularity than people hijacking your hashtags for a fun and easy night of social commentary.

It appears that your buddy, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, didn’t consider this trend one iota, as he recently started his own chat with the masses, under the hashtag #AskCommish. He probably figured, just as McDonald’s, Blackberry, Starbucks, Jenny McCarthy, the NCAA, the NYPD, and the people behind Obamacare did, that it would be harmless fluff about his favorite food and how much people love the hell out of his league. After all, he calls himself the Commish! He’s cool and hip to the rizoom!

Wrong. See, rarely is a Twitter user interested in using their account to put over somebody else, especially if that somebody else is a soulless, faceless, insincere money hog with less empathy than a Chestburster. So when Goodell asked fans to fire questions at him, they did so with gusto:

 

 

 

 

This could go on for eons and eons. You guys need to team up with Roger, get on the horn with all your fellow one-percenters, and let them all know to never bother with another hashtag again. This will keep happening, and you will keep looking like the worst, most out-of-touch people ever (which you are, but the trick is not to make it so blatant.) Even paying someone to post a thousand suck-up Tweets will go nowhere, since they’ll almost immediately be drowned out by a hundred thousand suck-it ones.

In fact, you guys might just want to ignore social media altogether. Locked offices and stuffy boardrooms seem more your style anyway.

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