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You + Santa + Machine Guns = And All-American Christmas

So you’ve been planning to take the kids to the mall to get their annual photo with Santa Claus. Sounds like a good idea. If you’re an anti-American pansy! You gonna get another picture of your lame kid in an ugly sweater, forcing a smile while he sits on a mall Santa’s lap? Maybe you oughta switch it up a little bit this year. Try maybe not making your kids look like wimps. I’ll tell you what these Santa Claus pictures need — guns. C’mon, it’s pretty obvious. You want to send a message, you want to let the world know what a gaggle of badass m.f.’ers your family is? You got two options: throw in some topless chicks, or make everyone hold guns. Not down for the topless chicks? Guns it is.

If this is something you’re actually looking to do, which we’d highly recommend, you can head down to Scottsdale, Arizona. If you’re a member of their gun club, you can get your family’s photos taken with Santa, and some really expensive, hard to obtain guns. AR-15′s, grenade launchers, and AK-47′s. Let everyone on your Christmas mailing list that you are not to be f*cked with!

A woman like this should not be single around the holidays. If you’re reading this, lady in the picture, contact me via my byline. I will shoot guns with you and we will have an all-meat Christmas dinner made from animals we killed ourselves. <3

The “Crazy Mother of the Year” award goes to this woman, who’s letting her toddler fondle the barrel of an AR-15 while she stares off into space.

If you didn’t know the context of this photo, you’d just assume that Santa ruled the North Pole like Scarface.

Timmy brought this picture into school to keep the bullies at bay. “It gets better” really quickly when people think you have access to a machine gun.

“The Real Housewives of Scottsdale” will never be a show. Mostly because when everyone’s equally armed, they learn to stay out of each other’s way.

Story via AP

 

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