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Sarah Jessica Parker Has World’s Oldest Hands

sarah jessica parker hands old lady

Whoa. Sarah Jessica Parker has, quite possibly, the most disgusting hands I have ever seen in my life. Does she keep them in an oven when she’s not using them? Does she boil them once a day? How does a 43-year-old woman get the hands of a 4,300 year-old woman? Did Ferris Buehler grow up to get HJs from these? What the hell is wrong with the world? Should I ask more questions?

sarah jessica parker old lady hands

This is one of the biggest problems men have with this show. It portrays the image that if you dress anyone up in a collection of colorful, crappy and uber-fashionny clothes that it will hide all their physical flaws and turn them into some radiant princess. Well, I did a little research, and it seems that they not only dress up Mrs. Parker in the world’s fanciest clothes. But they also do a very large make-up job on her hands, too. Here’s what her hands look like without any make-up:

sarah jessica parker hands old lady

photos via seriouslyomg.com

12 Responses to "Sarah Jessica Parker Has World’s Oldest Hands"

  1. sando says:

    OMG! Who care? It is life! You get old, you get wrinkles, you get veins! What the fuck is wrong with you assholes? Unreal.. lets see your perfect fucking bodies. On second thought. Lets not!

  2. Hand Lover says:

    I for one would love to jerk off all over those hands. If they are like this on a 43 year old, then they are only going to get more veiny and juicier with time. mmm cant wait.

  3. Anonymous says:


  4. Newt says:

    Sarah Jessica Parker is the old woman face in that optical illusion. You know which one.

  5. Buddy Ice says:

    Those hands look like they can crush the head of a small child.

  6. Keeblerkahn says:

    Sweet baby Jesus! Poor Ferris, I wouldn’t want that hand anywhere near my junk. Thats got to be like getting a hand job from the Crypt Keeper, only not as sexy.

  7. Dom says:

    Damn, those look like they belonged to mick Jager or Keith Richards.

  8. gstar says:

    she probably strangled and skinned a poor snake with her bare hands, and made herself that purse.

  9. Daemaro says:

    Holy shit, it’s not just her hands either, check out her legs and feet. I’m afraid to think of what she’d look like naked…

  10. justin says:

    Holy shit Newt, I know EXACTLY which one you’re talking about. Amazing call. It’s scarily similar.

  11. Mr. Balls says:

    Those shriveled up things are her real hands? Good god.

  12. Cunty Cuntall says:

    Just imagine being with Sarah….it would be like getting a hand-job off your Nana. Now there’s a thought, my Nana’s hands wrapped around my knob…MMMMmmmm. I love my Nana.