Saving the Lives of Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy: A Proposal

Fact:  Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy were both funny men.  You can argue that this is not fact and to you I say “wrong” and then you respond with “Holy taco, you are right.  You’re always right,” and look, here it is published for all time and if people Google it they will see that you agreed so let’s not even get off on the wrong foot with an argument.

Eddie Murphy’s career was born on the peak of a comedy mountain.  There it was nurtured by a mythical bird that would fly out over the peaceful valleys and towns of comedy and eat stand up comedians before bringing them up to young Eddie in its nest and regurgitating their hilarious sustenance down his juvenile gullet until he grew strong and funny and was able to fly on his own.  Trading Places, 48 Hours, Beverly Hills Cop and Coming to America are classic films, not to mention his stand up specials like Raw and, of course, his turn on Saturday Night Live.

Adam Sandler was funny in Billy Madison, I don’t give a shit what anyone says.

In 2012, the wretched pallor of death hangs over the careers of both Murphy and Sandler.  Adam Sandler just won a pantload of Razzies for his terrible performance in Jack and Jill, a fetid pit of comedy squalor that should have never been shat onto celluloid, let alone released on an innocent public.  Murphy just made that movie A Thousand Words, which was seen by less than a thousand people.  Is there no way to restore these comedy icons to their former comedy glory?  Of course there is, what would be the point of this article otherwise?  Don’t answer that!  We’re not really conversing.

Holy Taco proposes this simple solution to restoring the balance of comedy and making Eddie Murphy and Adam Sandler stars once again;