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Screw Sharknado 2: The Second One, Watch Bear Force One Instead

By Jared Jones

I never really saw what all the hubbub was about with Sharknado. The zenith of Syfy’s particular brand of intentionally inept, made-for-TV B-movies it may be, but is the idea of a tornado raining a plague of sharks upon the Los Angeles beachgoing community really that much more ridiculous than alien bugs attacking 1890′s Colorado? Or a hybrid shark-octopus battling noted thespian Eric Roberts? How about a giant, rampaging Paul Bunyan, or a group of college kids unearthing a literal rock monster while backpacking in Eastern Europe? Did I mention that said rock monster is eventually slain by some douchenozzle wielding Excalibur, the legendary sword of King Arthur? SPOILER ALERT: Our culture is a disgrace.

Point is, Sharknado is being given far more credit and coverage than it deserves, this article included.That Syfy had the audacity to drop a teaser trailer for the film’s upcoming sequel, Sharknado 2: The Second One, earlier this week is proof of that. A teaser trailer! For a made-for-TV sequel starring that soulless boozebag Tara Reid and the dude from 90210?!! Whoever is responsible for such arrogance should be shot, then dragged to a park to make it look like a suicide.

And the worst part? There’s a movie currently available on Youtube that will deliver twenty times the laughs of a Syfy flick at 1/3 the cost of your once valuable time, and next to no one knows about it! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Bear Force One…

The first in a series of “Movie Night” features created by the geniuses over at RocketJump (of Video Game High School fame), Bear Force One is not only the funniest plane-based parody film since Airplane! but the funniest B-movie you or I might ever see ever. While I won’t explain the plot of the film any further because are you fucking kidding me?, I will address your concerns that the following bear/plane puns might *not* be included in the short film. Because they are:

-BEARplane

-BEARrorist

-BEARyan race

-BLAIRskin rug (the bear’s name is Blair, in this instance)

I feel as if a “United States of A-BEARica” pun could have been squeezed in there somewhere, but perhaps that would have been pushing it.

In any case, one viewing of Bear Force One will be all it takes to convince you that satire has not been completely lost on this generation. Unlike your typical Syfy offering, the humor in BFO is driven (or rather, flown) by its quick, sharp writing (“I used to work at Best Buy”) and the brilliant comedic timing of its cast, not the base-level enjoyment of seeing a group of bikini-clad teens eaten alive by horrendously rendered CGI monstrosities. Don’t get me wrong, Bear Force One has plenty to offer in the way of campy carnage and deliberately awful animation, taking the latter concept even further than a Syfy movie would ever dare.


A panda in a suit holding an uzi. Read ‘em and weep, Syfy.

So instead of supporting Tara Reid’s cocaine and Krispy Kreme habit when Sharknado 2 premieres in July, watch Bear Force One for the thirtieth time, then head over to RocketJump and scan through their thoroughly enjoyable archives. You can thank me later.

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