The Search Engine Obstacle Course: Round 2!

One thing we like to do to as we procrastinate around the office is plug random words in to Google and run an image search to see what insanity comes up. We’ve shown you this before. But recently, we added a little bit of a twist to the fun and games. Instead of just searching for pictures, we actually took a gander at the links and, well, we discovered that people are disgusting and insane. If there’s one terrible, terrible thing about the internet it’s that it has allowed people to openly discuss some of the most horrifying subjects that can come to mind, as well as tips and tricks regarding these horrifying subjects.

So, if you want to play along at home, just use this random word generator and this random curse word generator, mash the two words together and see what you get when you Google search them.

Today’s collection of words is Explosive Dildo Head.

The Sites:

On the third page of our results we came across a site by the name of MyMasturbation.com, which, much to our chagrin, was not a Myspace rip off solely dedicated to dudes wacking it. Instead, it’s a site loaded with creepy masturbation tips that all sound vaguely like the kinds of things you would hear from your cellmate in a supermax prison as he tries to offer some suggestions on how to pass the time.

Upon first sight, we instantly knew this place was going to be a comedy gold mine when we saw the heading of the page we were linked to: “Anal-Fingers.” As images of a hand reaching out of a rectum, as if it were swallowing a human whole, danced in our minds, we noticed the page was filled with short bursts of ass-centric wisdom, like…

I like to stick my fingers up my ass while I am jerking my co*k. It feels GOOD!!!

If Confucius were around today, we’re certain he would be a very active member of the MyMasturbation.com community – with all manner of badges to his name and an always jammed inbox loaded with the praise of lonely perverts.
 
The rest of the Anal-Fingers page is far too graphic to reproduce here, so allow us to sum it up:

•    Fingers in butt + soap

•    Regular masturbation + “jamming” entire appendages in anus moments before climax

•    Insinuations that you are not a man if you don’t pump fingers in to your butt

Having had our fill of butt play, we decided to branch out a little and see what the rest of the categories had to offer. The first thing we saw was a section called “Anal Food,” so we went there, because who would turn down such an enticing and provocative title that messes together a poop shoot and delicious yum-yums. The very first words we read were:

I rub bananas all over my knob

Done. No need to read the rest of that sentence. There was more to it, but why bother. That’s all you need to know about how this dude rolls.

There was another one about a cucumber, but, again, far too graphic. So allow us to sum up:

Put cucumber in butt. Put screwdriver in cucumber in butt. Put screwdriver in cucumber in butt in vise grip.

We’re assuming that one can only end with the word “Tada!”

The Sights:

99.9999999% of what we saw was porn of all types – gay, straight, shemale, and so forth. But buried somewhere on the 19th or 20th page, somewhere near a picture of midget pleasuring herself with a mighty dill that could have consumed her if it so chose, there was a picture of what appears to be rapper 50 Cent sporting a coy smile as he encounters the biggest, blackest dildo known to man. If you really want to see an uncensored version of this pic, click here.