You may be aware of an article we ran just a couple of days ago about a disturbing new trend called Planking, in which dipshits lie down on stuff. Today we have caught wind of yet another trend that’s blazing its way on to Youtube. (You’ll totally laugh at that pun after this next sentence): people are purposefully setting themselves on fire, recording it, and posting the videos on the internet. (That pun was hysterical, right? You’re welcome).
We discovered this news via Oklahoma’s Own News On 6 news team, who are a group of humans that seem to have been genetically bred to be newscasters in Oklahoma.
I learned two things after watching this video:
1) One can’t simply set themselves ablaze and expect to be cool. You must first use a can of Axe or Tag body spray if you want to be cool. This, I imagine, is general rule for teens today; one that isn’t limited to just barbequing oneself.
2) White kids are bored.
It’s the second point that I find most intriguing. After watching that news report I can infer that white teenage suburban males have grown tired of eating unsalted crackers and listening to Peruvian pan flute bands (or whatever it is we all like to imagine best creates the comically overblown stereotype for white people), and have now shifted their interests ever so slightly in to the field of competitive attempted suicide. I imagine if these kids had all born in an earlier era they would all have been the guy in ‘Nam that collected Charlie ears as trophies.
The only good to come of this trend is that some of these kids are going to be permanently disfigured. For the rest of their lives they will have people give them strange looks as they converse. Eventually they will meet someone with little to no tact, and that someone will ask them why their eyes are all melty, or why their hands look like two pancakes that fused together on the pan. They will either feel the shame of having to come up with some BS story about a car accident, or they will tell the truth and still feel that shame anyway.
If you every find yourself in the situation of being the person that asks one of those questions, please remember to laugh after the melty guy responds.