Seven Bad White Rappers We Found Online

Life is hard in these gated communities, bro. Sometimes your Audi’s in the shop and your pool has an algae problem. When shit gets rough like that, all I wanna do is spit rhymes. Horrible, horrible, offbeat, loosely logical rhymes, into my webcam. And I need to get my message out to the world. N’ah mean?

I was into rap growing up, I think most white kids were, to some degree. The Beastie Boys were my heroes. I even tried recording a rap song once. I played a beat from an old keyboard, and rapped some pre-written lyrics about middle school girls and hanging out in the park. Then I listened back to it and promptly decided I’d never rap again. It was after hearing myself that I realized there was only so much room for middle class white kids in hip-hop. I can only hope that watching their own videos stopped my lyrically challenged caucasian bro’s from ever trying to rap again. Enjoy.

Let’s start with a classic, Denny Blaze, The Average Homeboy! Who’s awful eighties rap video eventually landed him on television, but for all the wrong reasons.

And how about a rap on the most white of all white people problems; the difficulty of making a McDonald’s run

Nothing says “street” like staring down at your own tattoos and styling your head and facial hair like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. I think I bought weed from this kid in Boston one time.

This guy comes out of nowhere. Like out of a cardboard shanty nowhere. If anyone can rap about life on the streets, is this guy. Because he’s literally living on them. If he could just channel his frustration into rapping and showering, he’d be blowin’ up, kid.

Another internet hip-hop meme, Boostalk. Mildly disturbing. He raps like a stroke victim.

Boostalk Is The Sickest Rapper Alive – Watch more Funny Videos

And now for someone who could potentially put an album together because he’s filthy f*cking rich, Chet Hanks (son of Tom Hanks) who goes by the name of “Chet Haze” and raps about smoking weed and supporting his college. Write what you know?

While I can’t say that Chet Haze was anything spectacular, at least he was forming complete sentences. These kids in the video below are really blowing it. I actually think they might be retarded, in which case I’ll just stop making fun of them and let you laugh uncomfortably while you watch them try and muster up the four words they know.

White Kids Can’t Rap – Watch more Funny Videos