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Sheenism In The 21st Century: Charlie Sheen’s Philosophies Examined And Discussed

Welcome, students. Today I’m going to be walking you through and dissecting the words of one of America’s finest philosophers, Charlie Sheen. I’ll be taking what some considered the rantings of a crazy drug addict and putting them into laymen’s terms so that you can reap the benefits of their true meanings.

We’re going to take a few select segments from Sheen’s work in 2011 and interpret them. Please follow along, and prepare any questions you may have for a group discussion that will follow this lecture.

Sheen on women:

“The goddesses? Alex the goddesses, let me just say this about the goddesses, I don’t believe the term is good enough, but when you’re bound by these terrestrial descriptions, you must use the best choice available, right?”

What we’re seeing here is basically Sheen’s appreciation for the opposite sex. At certain points in his career, he was vilified for it, but he’s calling them “goddesses”. Clearly a man who respects women. Even when he’s trying to get three or four of them to sleep with him and his wife.

Sheen on marriage:

“So if you think about it, dude, it’s like I’m 0 for 3 with marriage, with never an excuse, but like in baseball, the scoreboard doesn’t lie, never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the heart. To sully or contaminate or radically disrespect this union with a shameful contract is something that I will leave to the amateurs and the Bible grippers.”

Excellent take on the institution of marriage. It’s a contract that will, to use Sheen’s words wil, “sully” and “contaminate” a union of two people who love each other. That contract, is also legally binding, and had Sheen been forced to strictly abide by it, he would’ve missed out on all the coke and hooker parties that helped him to form such opinions.

Sheen on those who don’t understand his way of life:

“…I’m tired, I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t perfect and bitchin and just winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin and just delivering the goods at every frikin turn, because, look what I’m dealing with man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls, dealing with soft targets and its just, you know its just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee because I don’t have time for these clowns. I don’t have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say “I can’t process it” well no you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?”

It’s true, many men go home to lay with their ugly wives and their ugly children. Sheen, however, refused to do so. And, naturally, he was given a lot of flack for it. But he’s truly a modern day poet, in my opinion. A leftover from the post WWII beat generation of writers. He’s almost channeling Kerouac in that passage. They’ve clearly both endured similar frustrations in their early lives: Kerouac being the child of two Canadians with little means and many problems, a young man who would constantly struggle to make ends meet. And then Sheen being born into Hollywood royalty, starring in amazing films, and being embarrassingly rich his entire life. To better illustrate that these two are cut from the same cloth, a quote from Kerouack: “My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.” Both men driven by passion. Sheen’s passion just happens to be coke and whores.

Sheen on priorities, and sheep:

“… But you can’t focus on things that matter if all you’ve been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know.”

It’s hard to keep your priorities in order when you’re walking around, unawake in a fog. Here he’s saying “Wake up.” Wake up, America. Stay awake. Stay awake, with coke. Coke keeps you awake and alert — so you can’t get to sleep, and you won’t be a sheep. Don’t be a sheep.

Sheen on power/longevity:

“… I’m sorry man I got magic and I got poetry at my fingertips most of the time and this includes naps. I’m an F-18 and I will destroy you in the air and I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.”

I think it’s laid out nicely here. Sheen has magic and poetry at his fingertips. Even while napping.

So, that concludes our discussion for today. Any questions?

6 Responses to "Sheenism In The 21st Century: Charlie Sheen’s Philosophies Examined And Discussed"

  1. whatever - who cares says:

    Excuse me professor, can I go to the bathroom??

  2. Donna says:

    Sounds remarkably like Charlie Manson, no?

  3. Sirdrinks says:

    Does Vegas have odds of him being dead sometime this year yet? I’m guessing they’re 1:1…

  4. yaris says:

    Yay! now do Mad Mel!

  5. Mentalyptic says:

    WTF is on his arm? lol

  6. MissRaquelR says:

    I often have unprotected sex with some guys. Two days ago my new boyfriend gave me a home use chlamydia test he ordered online from home-bio-test. I used it and the result was positive. My boyfriend wants me to take some antibiotics to treat the symptoms. But I’m very sensitive to antibiotics. I always have bad reactions after taking antibiotics. Can you suggest me an alternative medication or treatment for me?