Are you tired of shopping at your local mega-mart and finding all of the products you purchased were manufactured in some far-off land that, if looked up on a map, has its seas surrounded by mystical dragons? Are you sick of having to wipe your pink bottom with toilet paper that’s been pressed together by the hands of tiny brown children?
If you answered yes to the questions above, then make the Made in America store in Elma, N.Y., a regular destination in your weekly quest to purchase all the various knick-knacks and doo-dads you need to make your house a home!
Why shop at the Made in America store? Because, as the name implies, all items on our shelves are made right here in the good’ol U.S. of A.! Just don’t ask where the shelves came from, because they were probably made in Malaysia, or someplace where people have no problem working for the same wage a newly freed slave in a post-Civil War era America would work for!
Right now your mind is aflutter with excitement and anticipation as you dream of all the wonderful American-man products you can buy at our store!
Hold it right there, buster! Don’t dream too much, or you’ll be setting yourself up for some large-scale heartbreak once you walk through our wooden doors, because only factories in China make those cool Star Trek doors that automatically slide open when you walk in front of them!
While you may not be able to find all of the brand-name products you can purchase at, say, a WalMart or a Target, at Made in America we guarantee you’ll be able to find yourself a product that’s sort of like what you were looking for — even the product isn’t as high quality due to the fact that it wasn’t made by terrified underage pregnant women that work harder than you’ve ever worked on anything out of fearing of getting their hands sawed off by their manager!
What kind of products can you find in Made in America? Let’s show you!
Do you wake up some mornings feeling tired and unprepared for your day? How about a boost of energy from a nice, steaming cup of coffee! That’s right! At Made in America you can purchase our signature Bag of Coffee ™.
This plastic sandwich bag — which may or may not have been made in Argentina — is filled less-than-halfway to the brim with a delicious pile of coffee-like product from somewhere in America!
Customers that have purchased this product have nothing but wonderful things to say!
Are you looking for some American-made electronics? Are you in the market for a television that is powered by electricity and patriotism? Then come down to Made in America and checkout our fine selection of American-made electronics! Just look at this selection!
Every child can use a brand new toy to play with, so why not come down to Made In America and purchase your little ones a good’ol American Circle and Stick Box Set! Just look at the joy on this face of this lovely child as he/she plays with his/her Circle and Stick!
Those Chinese and Indian folks haven’t taken everything away from us! No, sir; they have not! Why, as far as we know, there are two truly American products that China and India will never be able to take away from us. Luckily for you, both of those products can be found on the shelves of Made in America.
That’s right, folks! We’ve got Guns and Meth! And we can not only sell you all the guns and meth you can handle, but we’ve got the world’s first Guns and Meth Café/ Firing Range! At the Guns and Meth Café/Firing Range you’ll be able to sample some of America’s most face-altering meth while firing fully-automatic weapons at things. All kinds of things! There’s no shortage of the amount of things you can shoot at!
So come down to Made In America, where you’ll be able to purchase nothing but American-made products up until the point that we’re bought-out by a Chinese multinational corporation!