By Dustin Seibert
So, let me get this straight: a billionaire octogenarian who clearly did not get to where he is because he’s stupid carried on an affair with a half-black, gold-digging bust-down who’s 600 years younger than he is, and he had a tense phone conversation with her in which he blasted her with enough racism to make Calvin Candie write an angry Salon.com column and he expected her to just, y’know, kinda shut the fuck up about the whole thing?
Cool story, bro-ham. As of press time, LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling’s wrinkly-balled ass was banned from the NBA for life and is getting dragged through the mud of public opinion, the latter of which he probably couldn’t care less about because he’s richer than Jesus and he’ll be dead before the end of the next presidential cycle.
But it got me thinking about some of the most ostentatious examples of racism caught on tape. I’ve always wanted to be a fly on the wall in a room where people are being racist at their very core in a way they wouldn’t be in public. These days, we’re seeing more and more true colors from closeted racists than ever, since every seven-year-old is rocking a camera of some kind in their Hello Kitty knapsacks. I freakin’ love it.
(See also: “Fire the wetback,” among many other classics.)
Mel Gibson – As an owner of Braveheart and the entire Lethal Weapon series, I had trouble with this one. I mean, how can I ever truly enjoy the insouciant banter between Riggs and Murtagh ever again? But Mel the Mouth went on a rippin’ tear of racism and anti-Semitism a few years ago that peaked when he told his estranged girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva on voicemail that he hoped she got “raped by a pack of niggers.” And just like Sterling’s girlfriend/sex worker, Grigorieva leaked it to the public with vengeance and pretty much stuck an ice pick in the career of someone who works in an industry run by Jews and lives in a society that has a significantly dwindling patience for egregious racism. Sure, Jodie Foster and company came to his defense, but the fallout caused him to lose high-profile roles like one he had locked up in The Hangover Part II. Well…come to think of it, maybe Mel did himself a favor.
Random schmuck on a game show – I gotta give this guy just a few props for having the unmitigated nad sack to get on a nationally televised game show and admit in front of God and everyone else that he just doesn’t like black people. And he did it while sitting two bodies away from a black person. I’d never even heard of the show, Without Prejudice? (hah!) — in which one group of chumps decides if another group of chumps should receive a $25,000 cash gift — as it was one of those obscure Game Show Network shows that only your Aunt Mille on disability watches at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. The guy is allowed to go on a mild diatribe regarding why he feels this way (Affirmative Action sucks, they all want handouts, yadda yadda) and wastes little energy in defending his statements to the other contestants as they deride him. It probably didn’t get as much play just because the dude is Polynesian and thus not allowed to play the white supremacy card, but it’s pretty amazing nonetheless. Brace yourself for the YouTube comments.
Dog the Bounty Hunter – First off, no one should feign even a little surprise that the jackwagon pictured above had something racist to say. Dude looks like he’d pull me behind his dirty Ford F-150 on a rope during the annual Purge. But the funny part about this rant is he’s explaining to his son Tucker how his using the word “nigger” is not as big a deal as everyone says it is — nor should it be for Dog’s son’s black girlfriend — and how he’s not trying to throw his whole career down the drain by getting caught saying such things on tape. Of course, his son was taping the whole damn thing and sold it to the media. Disloyal little punk. Anyway, Dog’s A&E show was briefly put on ice, and his apology was lame as shit — this talking about getting guidance from his Ho’oponopono Hawaiian spiritual advisor is no different in any way than all those waterheads who go running to the church when they fuck up.
Rodney King – The progenitor of all this racism on tape shit, and the impetus for the 1992 Los Angeles Riots. In 1991, when the Los Angeles Police Department concluded a high-speed chase of King by beating the unholy shit out of him, it was caught on grainy video — a decade and a half before police would even think of pulling some brazen shit like that considering we all have video cameras now. Everyone knows the LAPD are and have been a buncha Negro-hating gangsters, but the confluence of the acquittal of the officers who did the beating and the haute tension from the interminable LAPD head-busting over the crack epidemic led to the country’s worst and deadliest riot in nearly three decades. King most certainly was a veritable POS, but he stood as a symbol of a group of people no longer willing to tolerate the bullshit.
Dumbass Alabama teacher – Rule number one for anyone looking to get in the teaching profession: long gone are the days where you could say or do whatever the hell struck your whimsy in a classroom with no consequences. Monkey-boy Bob Grisham, an Alabama high school teacher and football coach, was captured on audio by one of his students condemning Michelle Obama for the high-calorie school lunches by calling her a “fatt butt” and a “big fat gorilla.” (Not to mention the homophobic statements he made, but this piece is about racism, yo.) Outside of apparently not having working eyes, Grisham’s statements are racism less thinly veiled than jeggings on Honey Boo Boo’s mom. He got slapped on the wrist with 10 days of suspension without pay and sensitivity training. Which I can all but guarantee has never helped anyone under the Mason-Dixon Line be less of a racist cockknocker.
Cliven Bundy – The only case here of a racist bastard willfully saying whatever KKK-laden shit is on his mind to the media. Cliven Bundy has been in the news quite a bit as of late for inviting the ire of the federal government after going more than two decades without paying to let his cattle graze on their property, which in turn attracted a hayseed militia to engage law enforcement officials in an automatic weapons standoff. Bundy’s interview was never going to a good place after he lead off with, “I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro.” Of course, he went on to suggest that maybe black folks were better off as slaves and said that if we’re offended by traditionally offensive monikers like “Negro” and “Boy,” Martin Luther King, Jr. didn’t do his job. These are Donald Sterling levels of IDGAF multiplied by a million, and proof positive that racism will reign supreme as long as crusty old white dudes still walk among us.