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Small Business v. Big Business: Mom-and-Pop Brothels Fear Big Walmart-style Brothels


So you and your significant other are living the dream. You’ve come together and opened a small business. In fact, it is the very definition of a small business. The atmosphere in your store is warm and cozy. You a very kind to your customers; you give them the one-on-one attention you feel they deserve. Your prices are low, but not so low that you can’t pay the mountain of bills that come along with starting a new business. In short, things are going well.

But then, the big corporate version of your store wants to move in to town. You know that if they set up shop a few miles down the road from you, their prices will be so low, and their selection so wide, that you won’t be able to compete. As a small business owner you simply won’t be able to compete with the sheer volume of whores the mega-brothel up the road will be able to offer to the once-loyal sex perverts that got their Ds wet all up in your mom-n-pop brothel.

Oh, and in this scenario, the small business you run is a brothel in Sydney, Australia, and you are trying your hardest to make sure a gigantic mega-brothel doesn’t open up in your area.

By the way, all of this is real. It’s actually happening. Mom-and-pop brothels in Sydney are trying to make sure a big, Walmart-like brothel doesn’t open up near them, for fear that it will steal their customers.

Stiletto is a brothel in Sydney. The owners of Stiletto want to renovate and double their amount of rooms to 40, as well as add such other amenities as pool tables and rooms with multiple beds (presumably for sticky gangbangs). Australian politicians, however, claim that by allowing Stiletto to make those changes Stiletto will effectively destroy the competition, very much in the same way a man walking in to a brothel thinks he will “destroy” that pussy.

“We’re not prudes,” said Sydney city councillor Shayne Mallard. “We’re not opposed to brothels, but we have a policy of anti-clustering, spreading them out.”

While Sydney is all-for brothels, they simply want to spread them apart gently, softly, not trying to seem too eager. They are trying to make sure they don’t move too quickly on this issue, for they fear they will waste whatever political upper hand they may have and blow their legislative load in one shot, never getting a second chance to save some small businesses from getting reamed.

There’s no word yet on precisely how Stiletto would crush the competition, but Holy Taco’s resident small business expert and 4-time Sex Addicts Anonymous dropout Scoops McGillicutty theorizes that  Stiletto could have very easily started a card punching program, very much like ones found at Subway and Starbucks, where a card with certain number of stamps gets you one free f*ck. He went on to state that Stiletto would further cemented their financial security with Groupon, catering to the small yet passionate demographic of frugal clusterf*ckers.


It’s times like these when we all have to take a step back and take a deep, penetrating look in to our own political beliefs and decide what’s truly the best action one can, nay, must take. Do we want to get f*cked by mom-and-pop, or do we want to get f*cked by the big, faceless corporate entity?

This may be one of the most important questions of our time.

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