Somewhere just south of the Arctic Circle, forty-four year old Peter Skyllberg, ended up trapped in his snow-covered car for TWO MONTHS! That’s a really long time. Seriously inconvenient. He was probably paying rent on his apartment for those two months. I mean, it’s impressive and all, but what a waste of money. It took him that long to accidentally be discovered by some snowmobilers who thought they’d come across a wrecked vehicle. Luckily, they peeked inside (probably looking for loose change and iPods) and they found a barely living Skyllberg. WOW! GROSS! That’ got us to thinking: What if we were trapped in our car for two months? What would we do to survive and pass the time?
Eat the candy out of the glovebox, ashtrays and center console.
This would probably go pretty fast, but if I allowed my metabolism to slow down enough, I could probably last three days on one starlight mint. Add that to the protein I could take in via the peanuts I’d find in my seat cracks, and I’m doing ok. I just have to be careful to not accidentally, in my malnourished stupor, eat any pennies. Also, floor fries — there’s a least a bucket’s worth under my seats.
Drink/eat melted snow.
This one’s pretty obvious, and it’s partly how Peter Skyllberg survived. It would also be a great way to pass the time. I could play out little pretend scenarios in my head. I’d pretend I was sitting at my favorite bar, you ask the bartender (also played by me) to get me four snowballs because I’ve “been having a bad day!” Then you make them, line them up on your dashboard and down ‘em, one by one.
Chart the progress of my weight loss.
Who wouldn’t like to lose a few pounds? Everyone feels better when they’re feeling trim, and the best way to reach a goal weight is to track your progress as you lose weight little by little. I’d probably grab a pen and paper from the glove box and note, week by week, how much looser my pants are getting. When I lack the strength to write anything down, I’ll know I’m at a good point!
Write a screenplay or a novel!
It’s one of those goals every creative type has. It’s just so hard to find the time to do it, and don’t even get me started on the multitude of distractions that present themselves every time I sit down to work on ”Unicorns vs. Zombies vs. LOLcats.” I would just use this time to really focus, distraction free. As long as I stayed alive, I could easily knock out a first draft.
Take lots of naps.
This one would be pretty easy, considering the lack of food, water and oxygen. It would also be essential to slowing down metabolism, which would mean burning less calories, and subsequently eating less floor fries and seat peanuts.
I’d also probably panic a lot, and start thinking of all the things I’ve done wrong in my life, and how I’ve spent far too much of my life at Starbucks.