Wow, that was a nice shot! That creepy bastard was snarling right in your damn face. You had to act fast and you did. We commend you for that. It takes a whole lot of man to blow away a mythical beast in the dark of night as opposed to getting the panic squirts and hauling ass away from a
mythical beast in the dark of night.
But now that you’ve killed it, what do you do next? Glad you asked!
Groom if Necessary
Yes, grooming yourself is important, but that’s not what we’re talking about. No, you need to groom your kill. Why? Well, now that things have settled down a bit, take a better look at that thing you shot. Is it really a chupacabra or is it just a really sassy coyote that let its fangs write a check that its ass couldn’t cash? Yep, we know, you’re disappointed. But you can fix this. How? Shave that bitch. Done? Now look at it. HOLYSHITITSACHUPACABRA!!!!!!!!
Take Pictures
This is far and away the most important step. You want to document your kill. Have you ever told someone a story that you knew they wouldn’t believe, like maybe you made a hole in one while playing
golf for example, but you didn’t have any proof to back it up? Did those people believe you? Right, now replace "hole in one" with "killed a snarling chupacabra." Now what do you think your chances of being believed are? Exactly. Take some pictures.
Call In An "Expert"
We’re not sure if you need to Google it or if you can just hit the yellow pages or what, but somehow, you’re going to need to track down a Chupacabra expert. Don’t worry, there is an expert out there for everything, even make believe stuff like chupacabras and female orgasms. Whatever you’re looking to prove, there is an expert waiting to help. Get one on the horn, stat. Because people will look at your shaved coyote chupacabra with some degree of skepticism. Having an expert there to refute their ridiculous doubts is vital.
Alert the Internet
Congratulations, you’ve done the necessary legwork. Now, it’s time to make this shit viral. Find the nearest website willing to upload your photos and strike a deal. Before you know it, "chupacabra pictures" will be the number one search term on Google Trends and websites far and wide will write stories about how ridiculous you are. But what they don’t realize is that they’re just giving you the attention that a person willing to shave an animal and call it a chupacabra is so hungry for. What a bunch of f**king idiots!
primero
eh, if I was going to hunt an urban legend I’d go after bigfoot, or the beast of bray road.
to hell with bigfoot. BRAY ROAD FTW!!!!
I thought I caught big foot walking through my yard- but once I turned the outside lights on, found out it was just the neighbor lady looking for her cat while wearin her furry housecoat- I just tagged her ear and released her back into the wild…
I would have kept her and hung her in my man cave
I went camping at Beaver’s Bend. While shaving my back in the creek, I was shot in the ass by a tranqulizer dart, and when I woke up I was in a freakshow as a Pigmy Sasquatch. It was all good except they kept feeding me raw fish.