If you are going to a big name college, during spring break, YOU MUST GET SUPER DRUNK AND HAVE LOTS OF SEX SOMEWHERE TROPICAL! That’s how it works here in America, and rightfully so. I mean, hey, you’ve earned it. You got decent grades in high school, and for that, your parents rewarded you by paying your tuition. Therefore, you must reward yourself by “woooooo”-ing your stupid young brains out near a beach or a lake. But what if you’re not taking the traditional route? What if you decided to keep it local, live at home, and commute to a small two-year college? Do you not have the right to have the same amount of debaucherous fun?! Here’s a few suggestions that’ll help make your community college style spring break just as memorable as a week in Cancun:
Let’s begin at the beginning. You don’t want to look foolish and pasty when you take your shirt off on your front porch. Hit the beds, bro.
Drink beer behind a convenience store.
The number one place to drink in public, though we don’t condone drinking in public because it’s usually illegal, but if you’re going to do it, then do it behind a convenience store while sitting on a greasy curb.
Drink beer in the park.
If it’s nice outside, enjoy the sun. Sure, it’s March where you’re at and unless you’re going to community college in South Florida, you’re probably still wearing a coat. Maybe just risk pneumonia for the sake of having an awesome time. Take your shirt off and party it up.
Drink beer in a kiddie pool.
Throw that bad boy in your back yard, or the back yard of whatever relative you happen to be squatting with, and fill it up with warm water. If you’re feeling super fance, add a sandbox and a volleyball net. Head down to the Kwik stop and invite that super hot goth girl working behind the counter. Party.
Drink beer in your basement.
If you drink in the basement, you can’t fall down the stairs.
Drink beer in your mom’s back yard.
Why your mom’s back yard? Because there’ll be food in the fridge.
Get a crappy hotel.
And drink beer there.
Drink a ton of margaritas at a Mexican restaurant in a strip mall.
It’ll be just like Cancun, but you won’t have to deal with U.S. Customs and/or diarrhea.
Drink beer in a strip mall.
This one’s probably the worst idea yet.
Strip in a mall.
Spring Break is all about letting go of your inhibitions, make it memorable and do it in public, in your hometown. You’ll be super popular when you return to the hallowed halls of your local two-year school!