This week, we, the Netflix Streaming-using masses, got word that Starz will be dropping their selection of films from Netflix; thus shrinking Netflix Streaming selection of truly great movies down significantly. Come 2012, gone will be your Apollo 13s, your Blade 2s, your Slap Shots, and your Sling Blades. It will be sad to watch all of these great movies slip away from easy accessibility, back in to the backlog of films we’ll probably never watch again because you will probably never actively seek them out.
But let’s not get too sentimental here. When this news broke, many tech pundits signaled this as a bad sign for Netflix; that they’re losing their biggest source of quality digital content. These same pundits probably haven’t actually seen the selection that Starz offers on Netflix Streaming. For every Apollo 13 and Slap Shot, there are a good 15 to 20 completely worthless hunks of cinematic shit.
And is just a small sampling of some of those hunks of shit that Starz will so callously deprive us of. With extra emphasis on the small sampling. There’s a hell of a lot more where this comes from.
Bob The Butler
No longer will you be able to watch an hour-and-a-half of Brook Shields trembling as she attempts to not scowl disgustedly at Tom Green like he’s bearded dysentery.
No longer will you be able to watch James Belushi get out-acted by a creature that happily gnaws on its own asshole.
No longer will you be able to watch a movie that stars Pedobear’s dad.
No longer will you be able to watch yet another family movie starring a furry thing with horny/starving eyes that look like they can suck-in and entrap human souls. That little f*cker’s thinking about touching those kids. That freak woodland crytpoid.
I Downloaded A Ghost
No longer will you be able to watch a children’s horror movie you’ve never heard of that looks like an R.L. Stein book you’ve never heard of starring two people you probably have heard of, Ellen Page and the Hispanic cop from Reno 911.
Lust For Freedom
No longer will you be able to have a movie about the 1980s interpretation of “sexy women” that are firing automatic weapons make you realize that your life is filled inordinate amount very bad decisions and almost no lessons learned.
Robin Hood of Texas
No longer will you be able to spend your Friday nights popping Paxils and Flomax and shitting in to an adult diaper as you chug down gallons of Ensure and pureed chicken breast — and all while pretending like anyone of your generation knows who the f*ck Gene Autry is.
No longer will you be able to watch a movie about a black guy that lives amongst a bunch stiff and uncool white folk that has a title that in some way relates back to the plot of the film but is really just an excuse to title the film with a pun that wouldn’t have existed if a black comedian wasn’t the star of the movie.