Our old friends at Westboro don’t just hate Steve Jobs, despite hating him from an iPhone. They hate all celebrities, countries, people and religions. Their schedule must be jam-packed with all that hate. If you thought their dig at Steve Jobs seemed odd and out of place for a Church (or as close to a Church as these guys get), then you haven’t been keeping up with their shenanigans. Let’s check out some of their ungreatest hits!
“Mr. Rogers gave aid and comfort to homosexuals. He was a man who preached tolerance of all sorts of people in ways that directly contradicted the Bible. His syrupy teachings led millions astray. He was a wuss and he was an enabler of wusses.”
See that? Mr. Rogers enabled wusses. I always suspected that indoor shoe/outdoor shoe thing was bullshit. I’m not sure he led millions astray with it as I still refuse to wear shoes indoors, but whatever.
“Bill O’Reilly is a blaspheming hell-bound hypocrite claiming to be fair and balanced and running a no-spin zone. Hah! O’Reilly is of his father the Devil.”
Who hates Bill O’Reilly and Mr. Rogers at the same time? And then elevates O’Reilly to the level of not just evil, but the son of the Devil himself? I thought he was blue collar.
“George Carlin is in hell. Deal with it. You will soon join him there.”
Carlin? Really? So maybe he swore like a stevedore, but come on! Come on! It’s not like he’s Bill O’Reilly.
“Drab pervert hawked porn-level filth (e.g. toy car up his rectum for entertainment) to get rich off a perverse generation.”
Drab? That whole sentence is weird, but drab sticks out as the most bizarre word of the bunch. Which is strange, since it does go on to mention the car in the ass stunt.
“Art” and “fashion” are the euphemisms, the guise under which proud whore Lady Gaga teaches rebellion against God (incidentally, her claim to the title of “lady” is sound only if she tacks on “of the night,” thereby alluding to another euphemism of what she is.)
I thought she called herself “lady” to distinguish from when she’s a dude.
“Betty Ford had a shtick when she got a national platform via her whoring-partner’s political fame. She loved to sit with tawdry muckraking reporters & blather about sex. She couldn’t wait to have an audience with a reporter to titter about premarital sex, and how much she loved to teach it to her daughters”
Betty Ford was and has always been an 80 year old lady who wants to stop you from being a drunk. I can’t imagine she devoted too much time to teaching her daughters to be hookers.
“God hates the sordid, tacky bucket of slime seasoned with vomit known as ‘Brokeback Mountain’ – and He hates all persons having anything whatsoever to do with it.”
But you recognize that he was awesome as the Joker, right? God probably gave him a pass for any prior movies with that. And, to be fair, he really owed a bigger debt as a result of a Knight’s Tale.
“We will be there to tell you to Thank God for the death of this filthy, adulterous, idolatrous, gender-confused, nationality-confused, unthankful brute beast.”
You know what, a lot of people didn’t like Michael Jackson but brute beast? Brute? If Michael Jackson was a brute beast, Larry King is a sexual Adonis and Snooki is a literary powerhouse.
Rest easy, Steve Jobs, you’re in good company. Rest of the world, look out. These idiots could be protesting you at the drop of a hat.