As a kid, if I had known that being a scientist not only meant being in a lab filled with chalkboards and bubbling cauldrons of smoking green liquid, but also being able to ask other guys what kinds of vagains they prefer, I would have immediately put away my White Ranger sword with the talking white lion on the hilt, and with it my dream to grow up to be a Power Ranger. I would have lived a life of science!
According to some science-types that conducted some science on vagains, men prefer their vaginas pink as opposed to red, which is a question absolutely no one thought about asking, and is a preference I’ll be most men have never thought about until now.
It all started with the hypothesis: researcher Sarah Johns from the University of Kent thought about the color red and its connection to female sexuality. Men like red lipstick on a woman, men like it when women wear red dresses (just as Neo in The Matrix), and men like it when women wear red underwear – but what about red vaginas? Female baboons can turn their asses bright red when they want to mate, so maybe human men take to red vaginas like a cherry snowcone on a hot summer’s day?
Sarah and her team set up a website where women could anonymously send in pictures of their vulvas, and then the pictures had their color manipulated so that some vulvas were a pale pink, some were a slightly darker shade of pink, some were dark pink, and others were red.
They then brought in 40 heterosexual men and asked them to look at a random assortment of 16 vagina shots and rank their attractiveness on a scale of 0 to 100. Men loved all three shades of pink vulvas, but the red ones were especially disliked.
Johns theorizes that men prefer pink to red because red reminds us of swelling and inflammation. Apparently, men don’t like vaginas that look like they got slammed in a car door as it was closing.
So, there you have it. Science – making us feel bad about our bodies since forever.