If there’s one thing we like more than eating other people’s lunches
, it’s arguing about really stupid things, like what’s scarier: Killer Clowns, or Killer Tomatoes?
Stupid Argument that Killer Clowns are Scarier:
Nobody on earth is comfortable with the idea of clowns
in general. Something about the facepaint and the costumes makes them seem lifeless, and yet they’re alive, and that’s f*ckin’ creepy as hell. And these are just normal
clowns that we’re talking about, not even killer ones yet. Once you add the "killer" aspect to something that already creeps people out, it’s no contest: Killer Clowns are about the scariest, weirdest, creepiest thing ever. First off, they look really creepy. They have crazy make-up, wild hair, and is probably carrying some weird clown-related killing weapon, like a cream pie made of acid that he throws in your face and melts you with, or some kind of balloon animal that explodes and shards of glass and metal shoot into your body and you bleed to death while he dances around you, laughing and juggling some decapitated heads. A Killer Tomato looks like…a tomato. They even made a cartoon about Killer Tomatoes, that’s how un-scary they are. The Killer Tomato, aside from being able to roll around by itself, is basically limited by its tomato-ness. It might be able to squash you if it gets big enough, but other than that, it can’t really do much. Plus, you can squash it right back, because it’s still just a tomato. A clown, on the other hand, is basically just a really f*cking crazy person. That clown can do everything that a normal person can do, except have a grasp on reality, and people are way harder to destroy than tomatoes. Also, let’s not forget the biggest difference between Killer Clowns and Killer Tomatoes: Killer Clowns are REAL
. One of the most horrific and terrifying serial killers in American history, John Wayne Gacy, was a f*cking killer clown, and this is one of the main reasons why, whenever you see a clown, one of the first thoughts that goes through your head is, "that clown probably sodomizes and murders young boys". Yeah, because a Killer Clown actually did that shit in real life. Killer Clowns are easily a thousand times more scary than Killer Tomatoes because they are real, and they will eventually find us and kill us all in a really creepy way.
Stupid Argument that Killer Tomatoes are Scarier:
Killer Tomatoes are way scarier than Killer Clowns. First off, people are naturally afraid of clowns. They’re creepy, weird, and there’s usually a pedophile
hiding underneath all that make up, which makes people instinctually keep their distance and use caution when dealing with them. If you can see a clown, you can avoid it. You can choose to get away from his creepy ass and walk on the other side of the street. There’s a good chance that tomatoes are already in your house. We trust them. We let them into our homes willingly. The last thing you’d expect is to have a delicious tomato attack you while you’re lifting it towards your mouth to take a bite. That’s terrifying. You’d be completely caught off guard. Killer Clowns are from outer space, and there’s a cap on how many clowns can actually make that trip from whatever silly planet they’re from. The fuel costs alone for that ship must be astronomical, so only a select few can come to Earth to raise Hell. There’s a limitless supply of tomatoes in the United States, making the threat of attack infinite. To add to the horror, tomatoes range in size, from gigantic ones that could beat you, bash you, squish you, mash you, chew you up for brunch and finish you off for dinner or lunch, to tiny cherry tomatoes that could hide in your shoe, then rip your toes apart. And let’s not forget the regular-sized tomatoes, the ones we’ve grown to love and trust. They can crawl up the walls and march down the halls. I guess what I’m trying to say is that they’re gooey, gushy, squishy, mushy–rotten to the core. Are they standing outside your door? Probably. Okay, let’s say some Killer Clowns attacked me. What are they gonna do? Spin me up in some cotton candy? Big fucking deal! I could eat my way out of that for sure. Killer Tomatoes win. Way scarier than Killer Clowns.
What’s Scarier: Killer Clowns, Or Killer Tomatoes?