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Stupid Argument Friday: Who Would Win in a Fight Between Amy Winehouse and Lady Gaga

If there’s one thing we like more than being told not to call things "Drunken" on this site anymore, it’s arguing about really stupid things, like who would win if Amy Winehouse fought Lady Gaga to the death:
Stupid Argument that Lady Gaga Would Win: 
First off, don’t underestimate Lady Gaga.  Just because she’s blonde and appears super girly doesn’t mean she can’t fight.  She was raised in New York and began her career playing bars on Bleeker St.  That being said, I’m sure she was involved in her fair share of bar fights.  Just look at her: she clearly has a boxer’s nose.  Put her and Mickey Rourke side-by-side in a line up and I dare you to pick out who’s who.  Lady Gaga also has sobriety on her side in this fight, because I assume we’re talking about fighting a normal (read: drunk) Amy Winehouse here.  Obviously, Winehouse’s reflexes are going to be slowed from all the booze and drugs, making it easy for Gaga to strike vicious blows on her scabby face.  If that weren’t enough, Winehouse just got a boob job.  The stitches aren’t even out.  It’d be like fighting a drunk Bride of Frankenstein.  A few jabs by Gaga and you’d have a pair of titties lying on the ground and a drunk Winehouse wondering what happened.  I don’t trust either of these chicks, so we can assume that there will be foul play involved: dirty fighting, weapons, eye-gouging, etc.  Amy Winehouse is a crackhead, and crackheads always carry crackpipes with them.  Broken lightbulbs are also a very common crackhead accessory, and that can also be used as a weapon, so it’s probably safe to assume that Winehouse will be coming at Gaga with a broken lightbulb.  This would be a dealbreaker if it weren’t for one variable: Lady Gaga’s wardrobe.  Gaga is sure to have some crazy, layered muppet type outfit going on that will undoubtedly provide adequate protection against crack pipe and lightbulb attacks, and also against acidic crackhead saliva.  The odds are clearly stacked in Gaga’s favor here, and Winehouse doesn’t stand a chance.  Oh, and also…Lady Gaga has a penis.  Gaga wins!
Stupid Argument that Amy Winehouse Would Win:

Amy Winehouse would win this fight in about three punches, because Amy Winehouse is a drunk crackhead, and nobody ever wants to fight a crackhead.  This is because crackheads are wiley, unpredictable, and completely batshit insane.  Lady Gaga dresses up in weird, look-at-me clothes and appeals to gay men. Amy Winehouse is a thuggish brute who appeals to other crackheads, in between getting really f*cked up and kicking the shit out of her boyfriend on a routine basis.  The only thing Lady Gaga has ever beaten up is a flamboyant costume designer who told her it’s impossible to make a skin-tight leotard out of live kittens.  Both of these chicks are awesome singers, but Lady Gaga is a softy.  Amy Winehouse beats the crap out of inanimate objects every f*cking night while she’s scowering her house in desperate search of the heroin she knows she has but can’t find, so beating the shit out of someone who’s dressed like furniture is pretty close to a normal Tuesday night for her.  Best of all, she’s not even going to remember it then next day.  Also, there’s a pretty good chance that Lady Gaga is going to show up in some retarded costume, and a resourceful crackhead like Amy Winehouse can easily figure out how to use these costume pieces as weapons.  If Lady Gaga shows up wearing a slinky hat, Amy will tear those slinkies off and choke Lady Gaga to death with them.  If Gaga is sporting a bodysuit made of cupcakes, Amy Winehouse will shove those cupcakes up her ass and then punch her in the back until her intestines rupture.  But the most decisive advantage that Amy Winehouse has in this fight is the psychological advantage:  Lady Gaga’s livelihood is based around her looking ridiculously bizarre, but still presentable and clean-cut.  That’s why she wears stupid outfits, like a solar system hat and a straight jacket that barely covers her vagina, and then knee-high stiletto boots.  She’s trying to cover up her ugly face and emphasize her decent legs, her vagina, and possibly a tiny hermaphrodite cock.  Her body is her moneymaker, and if any of that gets f*cked up, she’s out of business.  There’s no way that won’t be weighing on her mind going into the fight.  Amy Winehouse doesn’t have to worry about this at all, because people are surprised whenever she doesn’t look like she just got the shit beaten out of her.  In fact, this fight is going to be so easy for Amy that she’s going to have to punch herself in the face a couple of times, and maybe burn herself with a few cigarettes just to avoid raising eyebrows afterward.  Anyway, I don’t think she can be hurt, because her body is completely pickled by now.  She’s like a mummy or Keith Richards.  Amy’s got this one in no more than tree punches, two of which will be self-inflicted.  This fight goes to Winehouse, no contest.
So, Who Do You Think Would Win if Amy Winehouse Fought Lady Gaga To The Death?

32 Responses to "Stupid Argument Friday: Who Would Win in a Fight Between Amy Winehouse and Lady Gaga"

  1. Taco Muncher says:

    Why does it matter what it’s called? It’s the same damn thing. If you want a drunken argument, get some whiskey and some friends.

  2. TypingWhilstYourMotherBlowsMe says:

    I do believe that Amy’s excess drug use, if the fight were purely melee, she might win. However, crazy folk are interesting opponents in a fight when given weapons, and as both persons would be found fighting in public, I feel Gaga has a chance using the jaw of an ass (like Perez Hilton’s mouth) or a tool (like Bono). And yes, I’m kind of a necrophiliac, so the two emaciated bodies fighting naked would give me a raging hard on. Ok, I gotta go masturbate, all this talk of dead people is making me horny. Adios!

  3. Jewish guy says:

    justin you fuckin goy, how dare you delete my comments

    The ADL is right, you guys hate us

  4. "stupid" is not drunk says:

    Its a shame that this site is run by pussies who cannot tolerate the word drunken. Who complained about this? I pledge to stop coming here until drunk people are given their rights back!

  5. Michael Bay's Cock Milk says:

    Lady GaGa would win. All she’d do is take out her lady-boy penis and thwap Amy on the head. Being that Amy is so fucking fragile, the trauma would probably knock her out for a good hour.

  6. incorrects says:

    Come on HT, you guys are a bunch of vaginas. I’ve been contemplating quitting for a while, because I feel like the content has gotten shittier for a while since the other Justin left. You’ve got until next friday to pick your shit up otherwise I’m gone forever. I know you don’t care about a single person’s readership, but it’s just sad how you’ve licked your sponsor’s ass and caved to changing the name of the article.

  7. For Shame says:

    Changing it to stupid is even more offensive. As someone of a very low IQ, I feel you are mocking my lack of intelligence. calling someone who is intellectually challenged stupid is like calling them the “N” word. you sirs, are lucky I have no desire to do actual work or you may have lost yourself a visitor to your site. Please relay to your advertisers that they will be hearing from me and the NAAICP (National Association for the Advancement of Intellectually Challenged People) in regards to your horrible slur.

  8. pratik says:

    THAT is what Lady Gaga looks like? She’s a total guy.

  9. Bosco says:

    There haven’t been many of those lately either. HT is slipping big time. Whats the deal? I mean, “baby dogs” and “funny little people” give me a mother fucking break.

  10. pyrodwarf says:

    you can’t say “drunken” but you can still put up pictures of almost naked girls????

  11. A Jewish guy who isn't as big a fucking douche as ^^^ says:

    There is no “us.” They hate YOU, you fucking putz.

  12. Erin says:

    Amy would win, first a few years ago she and her coked out boyfriend beat the living piss out of each other, they both took some hard knocks but she looked like she won. Therefore I think she could win, besides I think Lady Caca would lose based on her restricting shitty outfits. Plus anyone who defaces Kermit the Frog like that deserves to have their fucking head kicked in by a coked out junkie in blood stained ballet flats.

  13. nerd says:

    You guys have to remember some shit here. These two overrated bitches are fighting to the death. There is no reason why Amy Winehouse should still be alive today after all of the horrible shit she has done to herself. But that is one resilient crackhead. You could hack at that bitch with a samurai sword and she would still survive somehow. Amy wins, no contest.

  14. douchebag says:

    always put your money on the crackhead.

  15. justin says:
    Sorry.  We like the old name too, but readers don’t pay for the site.  Advertisers do.  If advertisers want us to change it from ‘drunken’ to ‘stupid’, then that’s what we’re going to do, because if our site doesn’t make money then we’re unemployed, and there’s no Holy Taco at all, and both of those things would blow.
  16. Claynoidial says:

    THANK GOD, im happy to see there are other individuals are angry about the title change here, ITS DRUNKEN ARGUMENT FRIDAYS FUUUUUCCKKKERS. If you guys change it back to drunken argument next week we will really know you appreciate the readers!

  17. joelvolt01 says:

    i hope they both knock each other out,there both GROSS

  18. justin says:
    No. Please. Don’t go. We need you.
  19. Anonymous says:

    Philosopher, you didn’t even know who Lady Gaga was until you read it on this site, and you didn’t know who Amy Winehouse was until you read this article. And you’ve referenced 4 of the shittiest movies ever made. Go lick some batteries.

  20. beer bottle bong says:

    this would be like Freddy Vs. Jason 2, AVPR, the Matrix Revolutions fight, and the end of Van Helsing all fused together

  21. gaga will bludgen amy to death with her dick says:

    crackhead vs. psycho? crackheads will fight til they have literally no energy left. psychos however will never run out of crazy

  22. Melanie says:

    It’s Holy Taco. The drunkeness is implied.

  23. Mr. Miyagi says:

    No more ‘Drunken Argument Friday’?! The fuck is going on around here?!?!

  24. Guy In Coma says:

    You realize it’s still EXACTLY the same right?

  25. asdasdasd says:

    yeah. why is it ‘stupid’ argument?

  26. Steve says:

    That fuckin sucks, drunken argument friday sounds way better than stupid argument friday. Amy winehouse would win in a second, shes a hardcore doper and they are insane and violent.

  27. Poopyduck says:

    yeah about 86% sure lady gaga is a man so at first glance i was leaning towards him/her. But after considering the some other variables i have decided to give the fight to miss winehouse. The changing factor was those monstrous chompers she has. Much like the komodo dragon if the initial bite wouldn’t take care of gaga then the bacteria would get her eventually.

  28. Stupid and sober says:

    I can’t have a rambling nonsensical argument sober. No matter how stupid I am (very) I still won’t give a cat’s turd about these too…However, put a few drinks in me and I would say this is clearly Winehouse’s fight. Crack is to crackheads what spinach is to Popeye. I’ve never heard someone say “Wow, I can’t believe that attention whore took on four cops and started swinging a chair at nearby children.”

  29. Atticus Winston says:

    Seriously, not drunken but stupid? Is this why the why the IM convo is missing too? Lemme guess: sponsor pressure. Another sad day in funny.

  30. peter's butthole says:

    Did Robot and Monkey died?

  31. justin says:
    No! They are alive and well.  People just didn’t seem to like them, and other sites started ripping off our IM format.  Kinda took the fun out of it for us. Hopefully it’ll be back someday when we’re feelin’ it again.
  32. DoucheNozzle says:

    C’mon! You can’t say drunken anymore?!?!?! Who’s running this site now, Tipper Gore? Put your morals about 2 inches behind where your testicles used to be, and fuck off back to church camp, Nancy.

    ….also, my money is on the greasy, landfill scented crack head. The hermaphrodite is going down!