Today is what’s known in the northern hemisphere as the Summer Solstice. It’s the longest day of the year and it signifies the start of summer. In the southern hemisphere, it’s the opposite. But I don’t know anyone living below the equator, which means I don’t care. If you happen to be reading this from below the equator, skip this article and go watch your toilet water descend in a counter-clockwise direction and enjoy winter.
You’re legally allowed to call off of work.
Today is a Pagan holiday, so if you want the day off of work, go ahead and take it. We say it’s ok!
Going camping will sound like a good idea.
Going camping will seem like the coolest thing you could do to celebrate the start of summer, but it’s not. This is just the pagan gods of the summer solstice affecting your brain and making you think that “being one with nature” is what you should really be doing. Don’t fool yourself. You’re not cut out for that kind of thing. Just wait a day or two until the urge subsides.
Girls with dreadlocks are at the peak of their mating season.
This is a tricky one. Again, don’t be fooled. Crunchy granola gals will be putting on their best sundress and rinsing their pits in an effort to attract a mate. If you’re not into smelling body odors and if fingernail dirt doesn’t turn you on, then you must avoid these vegan sirens at all costs.
Reggae Music Sounds Enjoyable.
Yes, today and today only, without the assistance of marijuana, you won’t be worryin’ ’bout a t’ing. However, p0p up that Bob Marley Pandora station tomorrow and your insides will react quite differently.
If you visit stonehenge, your erectile dysfunction will be cured.
This one is tough, but it goes way back. Legend has it that Stonehenge was built by a sexually frustrated man who wanted to prove to his ex-girlfriend that he could erect something. That means that the all the power to cure your male problems lies in the stones and if you stand in the middle of them on this day, you will have no problem raising the roof.
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