May 14th, 2008 | 11:48
Being cool is normally subjective. But there are some things that unequivocally make you uncool. We’re not saying we’re cool, we’re just saying if you own any of these items, you’re not.
10. iPhone
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: You can access e-mails, high speed internet, and watch videos, all on your phone. Because really, normal people around you are so f*&king boring you can hardly bear actually interacting with them.
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: I’ve done some research and iPhone is actually a Japanese word that means “something that’s not able to be put in a pocket and instead must be carried in your hand at all times or set on the table in front of you so that any one around you can see it.” This may sound shocking, but when someone remarks how hot it is, they’re not asking you to look up the temperature in both farenheit and celcius, or show them a clip on a 3 inch screen from “An Inconvenient Truth” in an effort to relate this heat to global warming.
9.Ironic Belt Buckles
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Now you can show up in bars and point at your belt buckle and tell people that you are a “Rodeo Champion” or a “Pac Man” or a “Truck Driver” or a “Jack Daniels.” And while they will know that you are actually none of these things, you think you’re being playful and a little bit mysterious. You also think this tactic will help you pick up women.
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: You’re the same person who has ironic facial hair (mustache), drinks ironic beer (PBR) and wears ironic T-shirts (Lucky Charms). You spend your entire life trying to look as shitty and poor as possible while, chances are, you have rich parents or a job for an accounting firm that pays you over $60,000. In four years you will be a Republican living in the suburbs and complaining about your 401k over wine spritzers at dinner parties.
10 items you think make you cool, iphone, ringtones
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