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A Letter To Activia, The Bowel-Shattering Yogurt

A Letter To Activia, The Bowel-Shattering Yogurt

Hey, Activia. For the past couple of years I’ve watched your Jamie Lee Curtis commercials and never cared one way or another about your existence. Yogurt isn’t really one of those things a person can get amped up about. Sure, you can cr…

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A Letter To The Guy Navigating His Massive Truck Through A Tiny Parking Lot

A Letter To The Guy Navigating His Massive Truck Through A Tiny Parking Lot

Hey, Guy Navigating His Massive Truck Through A Tiny Parking Lot I’ll bet you have a tiny penis. I know, I know, it’s a common slanderous comment used to put down people that own and operate extremely large vehicles. But it might be tru…

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A Letter To The Kid In Halo Multiplayer That Keeps Calling Me A Fag

A Letter To The Kid In Halo Multiplayer That Keeps Calling Me A Fag

  Hello, Kid In Halo Multiplayer That Keeps Calling Me A Fag I can see that you are very excited to have gotten your hands on Halo: Reach. It is a very fun game, especially when it’s played with friends. And, oh, hey, that reminds me, rem…

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A Letter To The Person Talking Loudly On Their Cell Phone In Public

A Letter To The Person Talking Loudly On Their Cell Phone In Public

Hello, Person Talking Loudly On Their Cell Phone In Public I understand your call is important to you, but unless you’re currently trying to convince Dennis Hopper from Speed not to detonate the bomb on a bus lest a dozen people will die, the…

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A Letter To The Guy That Rides His Motorcycle Down My Street At 3 A.M.

A Letter To The Guy That Rides His Motorcycle Down My Street At 3 A.M.

Dear, Guy That Rides His Motorcycle Down My Street At 3 A.M. I can only assume that your crotch rocket is a source of great pride for you, and you feel the only way to make the world fully aware of your pride for a bicycle that can go fast is ridin…

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A Thank You Letter To Garbage Truck Snail Trails

A Thank You Letter To Garbage Truck Snail Trails

Dear, Garbage Truck Snail Trails My car’s air conditioner is broken and, seeing as it’s summer, it get’s abnormally hot in my car. This is why I would like to thank you, Garbage Truck Snail Trails, for being the slimy streak of go…

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A Thank You Letter To Painful Bowel Movements

A Thank You Letter To Painful Bowel Movements

Dear, Painful Bowel Movements Hey, you know one thing I love about life? Waking up in the morning, having a cup of coffee, taking a few drags off of a cigarette, then getting a peculiar sensation in my bowels that can only be described as poop samu…

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A Letter To That Guy That Keeps Staring At Me From Across The Room

A Letter To That Guy That Keeps Staring At Me From Across The Room

Hello, Guy That Keeps Staring At Me From Across The Room I noticed that whenever I look up, I see you staring at me before your eyes dart away to your Sudoku puzzle. While I am well aware that I am impossibly good looking, I don’t see that as…

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A Letter To The Guy That Says “LOL In Real World Conversations

A Letter To The Guy That Says “LOL In Real World Conversations

Hey, Guy That Says LOL In Real World Conversation We love the fact that you were amused by that thing we said. Not to be self-aggrandizing about it, but yeah; that thing we said was pretty witty and clever, and it warranted a laugh, or at least a k…

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