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How Aliens and Humans Deal with Less Advanced Beings

headeralien

I’m not saying aliens don’t exist, I’m just saying they’d be as blown away to discover us as we would be to discover them and we’d mutually agree to probe one anothers’ asses.

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25 Things I Need in a Pacific Rim Sequel

pacific-rim-movie-banner-striker-eureka-jaeger-vs-kaiju

Naturally I saw Pacific Rim this weekend because, unlike people who saw Grown Ups 2, I have a soul that is neither black nor awash in metaphysical feces. I’m still decent. And I made the right choice because I can guarantee Grown Ups 2 was not goo…

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How to Get Rid of Acne

Get-Rid-Of-Acne

Say, are you riddled with zits? Do people try to hang their keys on your forehead? Ha ha, that’s preposterous. Anyway, follow these steps to clear skin and easy living. And let’s say hassle-free sex, that’ll probably happen.

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How To Tuesday: How to Overcome a Hostile Alien Attack

fleet

So you’ve decided not to die at the hands of creepy, tentacle invaders, good for you! If Hollywood is to be believed, and Hollywood is never wrong, then aliens are climbing over each other to get to earth. One in ten of those aliens wants to hug …

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This Dude Had Sex with an Alien

species

Our friends at Regretful Morning posted this tale of a man who says he did an alien, and then passed a lie detector. This is probably all very genuine. But also, what a perv.

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New Conspiracy Theory Suggests Barack Obama Was A Time and Space Traveling Explorer Of Mars – No, Seriously.

Obama Spock

President Obama’s name gets tossed around a lot by conspiracy theorists; I’m guessing because his name is kind of fun to say and it fits in well when surrounded by a bunch of crazy, completely fictitious crap. It’s almost a joke name that you throw…

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25 Aliens That Don’t Want to Eat You

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Most alien movies depict aliens are bloodthirsty, butt-faced, dread-locked nightmares who will do anything to eat, mate with or explode you. But some just want the mating! Or to be your buddy. Whatever.

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The 10 Least Likely Announcements at NASA’s Astrobiology Press Conference

The 10 Least Likely Announcements at NASA’s Astrobiology Press Conference

At 2PM, NASA will hold a press conference “to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life.” The geek world has been set aflame with this teaser. Not since news of The Hobbit have s…

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How To Cordially Make First Contact with Aliens: A Guide For The United Nations

How To Cordially Make First Contact with Aliens: A Guide For The United Nations

We’ve all seen far too many summer blockbusters to not be terrified of aliens should they make their way to earth, hovering over our major cities and not just anally probing rednecks that you wouldn’t believe were currently engulfed in …

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Air Force Aliens and Other Military Dumbassery

Air Force Aliens and Other Military Dumbassery

Actual news agencies took the time today to report that there’s an upcoming press conference featuring USAF officers who will divulge what information they have on the existence of aliens. Which is to say there are about 6 men who claim to h…

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Aliens 5: De-Resurrection The Unseen Script

Aliens 5: De-Resurrection The Unseen Script

Holy Taco staffers are a wily bunch, which is to say we’re sponsored by an anonymous pharmaceutical giant from whom we scored a case of chloroform and that, in turn has resulted in us getting our hands on a lot of really rare stuff in the las…

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