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American Idol Recap: The Finale

idol

I know what you’re thinking – “Ian, can I undress and feed you chicken wings?” The answer is a resounding yes. And while we do that let me explain something to you – American Idol is, as far as I know, still on TV. I set out this year with a miss…

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The American Idol Recap: Part 2

idol

Once again I refuse to write anything down for about 20 minutes. Nicki Minaj is dressed like a gay leopard Sky Captain. I’m stating officially, right now, that I will not be able to continue this for a whole season. Why is this show on for anothe…

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The American Idol Recap: Part 1

idol

Oh my Jesus. I’m doing this. Gird yourselves. OK, so this year the roster got shaken up and the old ladies of yesteryear are gone, replaced with Nicki Minaj, Mariah Carey and Keith Urban. 100 years ago this panel would have just been a table of …

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The Morning Jolt: This Man Judges a Singing Competition

Steven+Tyler+Teresa+Barrick+married+uDe4krloi1al

Makes you proud, doesn’t it? especially if you’re a screech owl.

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American Idol: 28 Days Later

mccreery zombies

On May 25th, 2011, Scotty McCreery won American Idol. Four days late for an Apocalypse ain’t so bad. June 22, 2001 “Baby lock them doors and turn the lights down low.” The doors are locked. There are no lights. I’m disgusted that the words are …

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Anatomy of an American Idol Contestant

american idol anatomy male

American Idol season whatever is winding down soon and that means auditions will start again soon because nothing stops the Juggernaut, except for low revenue stream and that hasn’t happened yet. if you’re either a professional Idol wat…

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Infuriatingly Talented Kids

Talented Kids

One thing that truly infuriates adults who have spent their lives failing at things is incredibly talented kids. You can go ahead and assume that this article was written out of spite and frustration, and that I, the author, am rather immature. Wit…

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8 Things I Hope to See on American Idol

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It’s a new season of American Idol and that means . The noteworthy aspect of this season is that the show has been picked apart like the body of the girl who foolishly went topless in a zombie movie. Gone are Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Ellen Dege…

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An Open Letter to Aerosmith’s Joe Perry

An Open Letter to Aerosmith’s Joe Perry

Dear Joe Perry, In a recent interview with the Calgary Herald (whatever the hell that is), you criticized fellow band member Steven Tyler for his plans to become a judge on "American Idol." You implied that back when Aerosmith was formed…

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Inner Monologue of Steven Tyler on his First Day of Idol Tryouts

Inner Monologue of Steven Tyler on his First Day of Idol Tryouts

Hello American Idoooooooooooooooooooooooooooool! Yeah! Alright! Yeah… So this is new. Yeah! How’s everyone feeling tonight? Yeah! Man, this stage is small. It’s like just a room. I have a room like this in my house. Cal…

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Totally BS Profile of Kimberly Caldwell

Totally BS Profile of Kimberly Caldwell

  Every day here at Holy Taco has been a learning process since we’ve come aboard.  For example, did you know that managing editor Ian Fortey laughs whenever he reads the word "come?"  That’s twice now.  Se…

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